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    That Request Will Never Fly

    , | USA | Tourists/Travel

    (We hit a bit of turbulence. The ‘Fasten Seatbelt’ light goes on, and the captain comes on the intercom to tell us all to stay seated and buckled in. Shortly after this, a woman hits her call light. I come on over.)

    Me: *bracing myself on the seat across the row* “Yes, ma’am?”

    Passenger: “Could I have a glass of water, please?”

    Me: “Ma’am, the captain has asked us to all stay seated for our safety.”

    Passenger: “But I wouldn’t be getting up!”

    Me: “Ma’am, the captain has asked us ALL to stay seated for our safety.”

    Passenger: “Oh! You too?”

    (As I turn to head back to my seat I overhear her talking to the passenger next to her.)

    Passenger: “But I’ve seen them moving around in all sorts of weather…”

    Cutting Remarks

    | Greenville, SC, USA |

    Student: “I need to write a five-paragraph essay for my English class. Can you help me find some books?”

    Me: “Okay, what’s your topic?”

    Student: “I thought I’d write it about Jesus.”

    Me: “Maybe you could narrow it down? Why don’t you choose a Bible verse that inspires you and write about that?”

    Student: “Thanks! You’re so sweet! If I cut you, you’d bleed syrup.”

    Me: “I…thank you?”

    A Library With A Likely Story

    | USA | Top

    (I find a wallet with the owner’s ID from middle school.)

    Me: *over the all-call speakers* “[Name], please come up to the front desk for your missing wallet. [Name], please come up to the front desk.”

    (An adult comes up to the front desk.)

    Adult: “Hi, I’m [name].”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but according to this ID, she’s still in middle school.”

    Adult: “Oh, I’m, um, her sister.”

    Me: “With the same name?”

    Adult: “Yeah, my mom was a little weird. Can I have her wallet now?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but I’d like to see your sister and put this is in her possession.”

    Adult:”What!? What do you think I’m going to do, steal my sister’s money or something? Just give me the d*** wallet!”

    (A girl comes over.)

    Girl: “Hi, I’m [Name].”

    Adult: “Sis! Where were you? It’s been 10 minutes. I tried to give the wallet to you to save time, but this stupid woman thinks I’m not your sister!”

    Girl: “Who are you?”

    Sharing One’s Loss, Part 2

    | ON, Canada | Books & Reading

    Caller: “I saw on my online account that this book I have out is lost.”

    Me: “Okay.”

    Caller: “But it’s not lost, it’s right next to me. I can see it!”

    Related:
    Sharing One’s Loss

    Parental Misguidance

    | Birmingham, AL, USA | Family & Kids, School

    (Parents often call to make sure their children are where they are supposed to be or are going to be ready when they come to pick them up.)

    Me: “Computer lab, this is [name].”

    Mother: “Hi, I am looking for my son. I think he’s up there using your computers.”

    Me: “Okay, can you tell me what he looks like?”

    Mother: “Well, he’s got medium skin, he’s kind of heavy, and he looks a little slow.”

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