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  • Go Easy On The Brain
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  • November Theme Of The Month: I Don't Work Here!
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    Not Happy About The Bright Future

    | KY, USA | Books & Reading, Technology

    (Finishing just this year, our branch underwent a three-year-long, multi-million dollar renovation. It was much needed as the original building was from the 1970s and no longer met building safety codes. We have received nothing but compliments on the updates until…)

    Woman #1: “Oh, my god! This is horrible!”

    Woman #2: “Isn’t it?”

    Woman #1: “Why is it so bright? Where are the dark corners for me to hide? Where’s the history? There’s no history here! I want my exposed brick! I want the busts back on the tables! Where are the busts?”

    Coworker: *to me* “Have we ever had busts on the table?”

    Me: “Not that I’m aware of.”

    Woman #1: “My taxes are not paying for this! This is awful!”

    (Woman #1 storms out with Woman #2. Neither actually looked at the books.)

    Gno Entry

    | Anchorage, AK, USA | Extra Stupid, Theme Of The Month

    (Our front desk is very large, and in the winter it can get chilly. We recently installed a large piece of glass to help deflect the cold air coming from the entrance. By the end of the first week I was tired of answering the same two questions about the glass.)

    Regular Patron: “This glass is new. When was it put in?”

    Me: “Monday.”

    Regular Patron: “Why did they put it in?”

    Me: “To keep the gnomes out.”

    Regular Patron: *nods slowly and gravely* “Oh, yes, I understand.”

    (The patron walked off perfectly satisfied.)

    Doesn’t Speak (Or Hear) French

    | Montreal, QC, Canada | Books & Reading, Language & Words

    (I work in a library which serves mostly English-speaking patrons, but also French-speaking patrons, too. As such, the library uses both a French and English name. I receive a call from a number with an area code that I do not recognize, but is somewhat similar to the library’s area code.)

    Me: “Bibliothèque Publique de [City]. Public Library. How may I help you?”

    Patron: “Yes, I received a notice that my books are late. I would like to renew them.”

    Me: “Certainly. May I have your last name?”

    Patron: “It’s [Last Name].”

    Me: “Thank you.”

    (I pull up the list of our patrons with the last name in question.)

    Me: “What is your first name, please?”

    Patron: “It’s [First Name].”

    Me: *checking the list* “I’m afraid I can’t find that name on my list. Did you perhaps register your membership under a different first name, or were you using someone else’s card?”

    Patron: *a little annoyed* “No. I used my card, and my name is [Name].”

    (We go back and forth for a moment, before I ask…)

    Me: *hesitant* “Ma’am, are you sure you are calling the right library?”

    Patron: *a little offended by my suggestion* “Well, I am calling the library in [City], [US State]?!”

    Me: “No, ma’am. You called [City], Quebec, Canada.”

    Patron: “…”

    (She said goodbye and hung up. I’m not sure how all the French and the different area code failed to clue her in! I’m also curious how much the long distance call cost her!)

    Here To Serve, Not Serviette

    | PA, USA | Bizarre, Crazy Requests

    Patron: “Could I get some napkins?”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Patron: *sighs* “Napkins! Where are your napkins?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but we don’t have any napkins”.

    Patron: “What?! Why not?”

    Me: “Because we’re a library…”

    (Our library does not sell food or have any reason to offer napkins.)

    Picture Perfect

    | AR, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

    (I work as a library clerk in the computer lab. Over the next couple of nights we have a gentleman come in who is completely computer illiterate. I’ve tried to explain the best I can as how to go about searching online for information, or watching videos. On this particular night he seems to understand the computer a little more.)

    Patron: “Excuse me, I need help.”

    Me: “Sure, what can I help you with?”

    Patron: “This video won’t load! I’ve been staring at it for the last 30 minutes, and nothing has happened!”

    (I take in the problem quickly, and try not to laugh.)

    Me: “Sir, you’ve been looking at a picture for the last 30 minutes, not a video.”

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