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    Educational Programs Have Never Been More Needed

    | Toronto, ON, Canada |

    Me: “[Business library], how can I help you?”

    Caller: “Yeah, so, I want to know about the educational programs you offer.”

    Me: “Oh, okay. That’s actually not conducted through the library. I’ll have to find you the phone number for the coordinator.”

    (The caller asks a dozen questions about the differences between the programs we offer. I answer the best I can while continuing to tell him I’ll need to have him call a different number. I put him on hold to find the number.)

    Me: “Hi, sir. You’re going to have to call this number and speak to the program coordinator.”

    Caller: “Fine, okay. What’s the number?”

    (I give him the number.)

    Caller: “Okay. Transfer me.”

    Me: “Actually, I can’t transfer you because they’re in a different building. But if you want to call the number I gave you, they’d be happy to help.”

    Caller: “So, you can’t help me?”

    Me: “Not with the information you’re looking for.”

    Caller: “What are you again?”

    Me: “The librarian.”

    Caller: “I don’t understand. You need to explain that to me. Can you also tell me about the educational programs you offer?”

    Cause Of Bad Education Is Ap(parent)

    | Melbourne, Australia |

    Patron: “Why won’t my library card work?”

    Me: “Let me see. Okay, you have $30 in fines on your card. You won’t be able to use it until those fines are paid.”

    Patron: “I wanted to get some books for my daughter.”

    Me: “I’m sorry. Until the fines are paid, you can’t use the card.”

    Patron, to daughter: “Come on honey, let’s go home. The lady doesn’t want you to learn anything today.”

    No One Is Stealing That ID

    | KY, USA |

    (A man walks up to me at the circulation desk.)

    Customer: “I need to get on the computer.”

    Me: “No problem, sir. May I see your ID?”

    Customer: “Where’s your bathroom?”

    Me: *pointing* “Right down that hall, second grey door
    on the left.”

    Customer: “You don’t mind if I go there to get my ID out, do you?”

    Battling For The Answer

    | Los Angeles, CA, USA | Books & Reading, Family & Kids

    Me: “Hi. Can I help you find something?”

    Patron: “Yeah, my son’s doing some project and he needs some books on some sort of revolution.”

    Me: “Okay, so he can pick any revolution to do the project on?”

    Patron: “No, he’s doing it on The Revolution. Where do I find books on that?”

    Me: “Which revolution? American? French? Haitian? Industrial? There were a lot.”

    Patron: “I think he said it was the one that had a lot of battles.”

    The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 2

    | Ocean County, NJ, USA |

    Me: “How can I help you?”

    Customer: “Who’s that chick who wrote Twilight?”

    Me: “That would be Stephanie Meyer.”

    Customer: “And what’s the fourth one?”

    Me:Breaking Dawn.”

    Customer: “And that’s still whoever Meyer?”

    Me: “She wrote the whole series, ma’am.”

    (The customer heads to the DVD rack. I see her looking roughly in the ‘B’ section.)

    Customer: *yelling* “I don’t see it!”

    Me: “Ma’am, Breaking Dawn is a book. The movie hasn’t been released yet.”

    Customer: “Those were books?”

    The Twilight Of Our Literacy

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