Cue The Queue

| Colorado, USA | Uncategorized

(The computers in the computer lab are all in use. There is a sign up station to get the next available computer.)

Customer: “I signed up, but it didn’t work.”

Me: “I see your name. You will get the next available computer.”

Customer: “Which one?”

Me: “It depends which other customer leaves first.”

Customer: “So, it’s random?”

Me: “No, it’s not random. You are in the queue to get the next available computer.”

Customer: “Why didn’t you just say that? It’s random.”

Me: “No, sir, it’s not random. You will–”

Customer: “Queue isn’t a regular English word. Just say it’s random.”

Me: “Sir, computer number 14 is ready for you.”

Customer: *muttering* “It’s random.”

Judging A Book By Its Cover

| Honolulu, HI, USA | Uncategorized

Patron: “Hi, can you help me find this book?” *hands me piece of paper with call number* “I went to look for it, but I couldn’t find it.”

Me: “Sure, let’s go take a look.”

(I take him to the stacks and start to walk down the correct row.)

Patron: “Yeah, this is where I was looking.”

(I pull down the book with that call number. This particular copy is brown.)

Me: “There you go!”

Patron: *disappointed* “Oh, I was looking for a black cover!”

The Not So Subliminal Erotica

| Jonesboro, AR, USA | Family & Kids, Rude & Risque

(A young boy approaches the check out desk with a DVD of classic cartoons featuring characters like Popeye, Felix the Cat, Woody Woodpeck, and Betty Boop. I proceed to quiz him to see if he knows the characters.)

Me: “Do you know this one?”

Child: “That’s Popeye!”

Me: “And this one?”

Child: “Woody Woodpecker!”

(He gets all of the ones right until my finger lands on Betty Boop.)

Me: “How about her?”

Child: *uncertain* “Um…”

Me: “It’s Betty Boop!”

(A look of instant recognition spreads across the child’s face.)

Child: “Oh yeah! My dad’s got naked pictures of her!”

In Through The Out Door

| Bedford, NS, Canada | Extra Stupid

(A woman and her son have just entered the library. They walk straight to me while I am sitting at the circulation desk. There
is only one entrance to the library. All other doors leading outside are clearly and brightly marked fire exits.)

Patron: “How do I come in?”

Me: “Sorry?”

Patron: “How do I come in here?”

Me: “Through the door?”

Patron: “Which one?”

Me: “The one you just walked through.”

Patron: “Oh okay, so I just do that again?”

Me: “Yes…that should work perfectly.”

Patron: “Thanks!” *walks away*

Two Points Make A Line, But Three People Don’t

| Helsingborg, Sweden | Uncategorized

(I’m at the front desk and there’s a line of three people. A middle-aged school teacher walks up to the counter.)

Patron: “I have a question.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but you’ll have to get back in the line and wait your turn.”

Patron: *looks at the line* “Young man, I would hardly call that a line.”

Me: “What do you mean?”

Patron: “Three people don’t make a line. You really should be more clear about your line policies.”

Me: “Line policies?”

Patron: “Three people isn’t enough to call it a line!”

Me: “You would have to ask the people standing in line about that.”

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