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    For The FBI, The M.O. On This PDF Is TBD

    | Baltimore, MD, USA | Rude & Risque, Technology

    Customer: “My pedophile won’t print.”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “I sent my pedophile to print but it won’t come out the printer.”

    Me: “Oh, you mean PDF file? As in Adobe PDF?”

    Customer: “Yeah, that.”

    Doesn’t See The Point Of No Return

    | Milwaukee, WI, USA |

    (The library has a return window which patrons can drive up to in order to return or check out materials. The patron in question has just placed their video in the return drawer.)

    Me: “Thank you, please have a nice day.”

    Patron: “Hey, what would happen if I put a hamburger in there?”

    Me: “We would prefer you didn’t, sir.”

    For Some, Reading Is Total Kabul

    | Dallas, TX, USA |

    Patron: “I need some books on Afghanistan.”

    Me: “Okay, I can show you where that section is in the non-fiction.”

    (I lead the patron over. There are several books on the subject.)

    Patron: “So are these, like, books you have to read? Because my school library had some of those, but it’s not what I wanted.”

    You’ll Find That In The Irony Section

    | BC, Canada |

    (A customer is looking through the non-fiction section of the library, and approaches me.)

    Customer: “I’m looking for a book by [author's name], and I can’t find it on the shelf.”

    Me: “Okay. The non-fiction section isn’t sorted by author. What’s the subject of the book you are looking for?”

    Customer: “It’s about the dewey decimal system.”

    In Urgent Need Of A Monolith

    | TX, USA |

    (A patron has called about extending her borrowing time on a DVD. She is renting “2001: A Space Odyssey”.)

    Caller: “I’d really like to get this for a little longer. I live far from the library, and won’t be able to get it back on time.”

    Me: “Well, the staff member that handles the loans is not in today. I can take your name and phone number, and have her get back to you.”

    Caller: “Oh, that would be just great. I really need to watch this movie because I’m going into space.”

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