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    Judging A Book By Its Cover

    | Honolulu, HI, USA |

    Patron: “Hi, can you help me find this book?” *hands me piece of paper with call number* “I went to look for it, but I couldn’t find it.”

    Me: “Sure, let’s go take a look.”

    (I take him to the stacks and start to walk down the correct row.)

    Patron: “Yeah, this is where I was looking.”

    (I pull down the book with that call number. This particular copy is brown.)

    Me: “There you go!”

    Patron: *disappointed* “Oh, I was looking for a black cover!”

    The Not So Subliminal Erotica

    | Jonesboro, AR, USA | Family & Kids, Rude & Risque

    (A young boy approaches the check out desk with a DVD of classic cartoons featuring characters like Popeye, Felix the Cat, Woody Woodpeck, and Betty Boop. I proceed to quiz him to see if he knows the characters.)

    Me: “Do you know this one?”

    Child: “That’s Popeye!”

    Me: “And this one?”

    Child: “Woody Woodpecker!”

    (He gets all of the ones right until my finger lands on Betty Boop.)

    Me: “How about her?”

    Child: *uncertain* “Um…”

    Me: “It’s Betty Boop!”

    (A look of instant recognition spreads across the child’s face.)

    Child: “Oh yeah! My dad’s got naked pictures of her!”

    In Through The Out Door

    | Bedford, NS, Canada | Extra Stupid

    (A woman and her son have just entered the library. They walk straight to me while I am sitting at the circulation desk. There
    is only one entrance to the library. All other doors leading outside are clearly and brightly marked fire exits.)

    Patron: “How do I come in?”

    Me: “Sorry?”

    Patron: “How do I come in here?”

    Me: “Through the door?”

    Patron: “Which one?”

    Me: “The one you just walked through.”

    Patron: “Oh okay, so I just do that again?”

    Me: “Yes…that should work perfectly.”

    Patron: “Thanks!” *walks away*

    Two Points Make A Line, But Three People Don’t

    | Helsingborg, Sweden |

    (I’m at the front desk and there’s a line of three people. A middle-aged school teacher walks up to the counter.)

    Patron: “I have a question.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but you’ll have to get back in the line and wait your turn.”

    Patron: *looks at the line* “Young man, I would hardly call that a line.”

    Me: “What do you mean?”

    Patron: “Three people don’t make a line. You really should be more clear about your line policies.”

    Me: “Line policies?”

    Patron: “Three people isn’t enough to call it a line!”

    Me: “You would have to ask the people standing in line about that.”

    It Must Have Been A New Moon, Part 2

    | Bainbridge Island, WA, USA |

    (I am a patron at the library on my day off to meet up with a friend. Another patron wearing a ‘Team Edward’ shirt approaches my coworker, who is fixing the name tag on her ‘Save the Wolves’ t-shirt that she’s wearing for the library’s animal week.)

    Patron: “You should be ashamed of yourself! You are supporting those hairy monsters!”

    Librarian: “I’m sorry, ma’am. What’s the problem?”

    Patron: “You shouldn’t be supporting the werewolves! Bella loves Edward, not some hairy dog!”

    Librarian: “No, this shirt is supporting the local wolf refuge. I didn’t mean to offend you.”

    (The patron starts screaming obscenities and raving, which is beginning to disturb other patrons. I decide to intervene at this point since I’m still waiting for my friend. Note that I am a well built girl that stands at about 5′ 9″ and am wearing my animal eye contacts for the party.)

    Me: “Pardon me ma’am, but what seems to be the problem here?”

    (The patron turns around, looks up at me, and goes white.)

    Patron: “Y-you’re one of them aren’t you?”

    Me: “Please leave my friend here alone and go about your business.”

    Patron: *runs out the door yelling* “See if I come back here with you employing her kind!”

    Related:
    It Must Have Been A New Moon

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