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    The Horrors Of Mispronunciation, Part 3

    | Atlanta, GA, USA | Family & Kids, Rude & Risque

    (I’m a librarian. I am walking through the children’s section and see a boy of around 12 browsing through ghost stories. He
    picks up a book, opens it, and immediately drops it back on the shelf.)

    Boy: “Ooh! That book’s too scary!”

    Me: “What book is it?”

    Boy:Ghosts of Prostitutes.”

    Me: “What?!”

    (I walk over and pick up the book. It is titled “Ghosts and Poltergeists”.)

    Related:
    The Horrors Of Mispronunciation, Part 2
    The Horrors Of Mispronunciation

    Cue The Queue

    | Colorado, USA |

    (The computers in the computer lab are all in use. There is a sign up station to get the next available computer.)

    Customer: “I signed up, but it didn’t work.”

    Me: “I see your name. You will get the next available computer.”

    Customer: “Which one?”

    Me: “It depends which other customer leaves first.”

    Customer: “So, it’s random?”

    Me: “No, it’s not random. You are in the queue to get the next available computer.”

    Customer: “Why didn’t you just say that? It’s random.”

    Me: “No, sir, it’s not random. You will–”

    Customer: “Queue isn’t a regular English word. Just say it’s random.”

    Me: “Sir, computer number 14 is ready for you.”

    Customer: *muttering* “It’s random.”

    Judging A Book By Its Cover

    | Honolulu, HI, USA |

    Patron: “Hi, can you help me find this book?” *hands me piece of paper with call number* “I went to look for it, but I couldn’t find it.”

    Me: “Sure, let’s go take a look.”

    (I take him to the stacks and start to walk down the correct row.)

    Patron: “Yeah, this is where I was looking.”

    (I pull down the book with that call number. This particular copy is brown.)

    Me: “There you go!”

    Patron: *disappointed* “Oh, I was looking for a black cover!”

    The Not So Subliminal Erotica

    | Jonesboro, AR, USA | Family & Kids, Rude & Risque

    (A young boy approaches the check out desk with a DVD of classic cartoons featuring characters like Popeye, Felix the Cat, Woody Woodpeck, and Betty Boop. I proceed to quiz him to see if he knows the characters.)

    Me: “Do you know this one?”

    Child: “That’s Popeye!”

    Me: “And this one?”

    Child: “Woody Woodpecker!”

    (He gets all of the ones right until my finger lands on Betty Boop.)

    Me: “How about her?”

    Child: *uncertain* “Um…”

    Me: “It’s Betty Boop!”

    (A look of instant recognition spreads across the child’s face.)

    Child: “Oh yeah! My dad’s got naked pictures of her!”

    In Through The Out Door

    | Bedford, NS, Canada | Extra Stupid

    (A woman and her son have just entered the library. They walk straight to me while I am sitting at the circulation desk. There
    is only one entrance to the library. All other doors leading outside are clearly and brightly marked fire exits.)

    Patron: “How do I come in?”

    Me: “Sorry?”

    Patron: “How do I come in here?”

    Me: “Through the door?”

    Patron: “Which one?”

    Me: “The one you just walked through.”

    Patron: “Oh okay, so I just do that again?”

    Me: “Yes…that should work perfectly.”

    Patron: “Thanks!” *walks away*


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