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    It Must Have Been A New Moon, Part 2

    | Bainbridge Island, WA, USA |

    (I am a patron at the library on my day off to meet up with a friend. Another patron wearing a ‘Team Edward’ shirt approaches my coworker, who is fixing the name tag on her ‘Save the Wolves’ t-shirt that she’s wearing for the library’s animal week.)

    Patron: “You should be ashamed of yourself! You are supporting those hairy monsters!”

    Librarian: “I’m sorry, ma’am. What’s the problem?”

    Patron: “You shouldn’t be supporting the werewolves! Bella loves Edward, not some hairy dog!”

    Librarian: “No, this shirt is supporting the local wolf refuge. I didn’t mean to offend you.”

    (The patron starts screaming obscenities and raving, which is beginning to disturb other patrons. I decide to intervene at this point since I’m still waiting for my friend. Note that I am a well built girl that stands at about 5′ 9″ and am wearing my animal eye contacts for the party.)

    Me: “Pardon me ma’am, but what seems to be the problem here?”

    (The patron turns around, looks up at me, and goes white.)

    Patron: “Y-you’re one of them aren’t you?”

    Me: “Please leave my friend here alone and go about your business.”

    Patron: *runs out the door yelling* “See if I come back here with you employing her kind!”

    Related:
    It Must Have Been A New Moon

    For The FBI, The M.O. On This PDF Is TBD

    | Baltimore, MD, USA | Rude & Risque, Technology

    Customer: “My pedophile won’t print.”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “I sent my pedophile to print but it won’t come out the printer.”

    Me: “Oh, you mean PDF file? As in Adobe PDF?”

    Customer: “Yeah, that.”

    Doesn’t See The Point Of No Return

    | Milwaukee, WI, USA |

    (The library has a return window which patrons can drive up to in order to return or check out materials. The patron in question has just placed their video in the return drawer.)

    Me: “Thank you, please have a nice day.”

    Patron: “Hey, what would happen if I put a hamburger in there?”

    Me: “We would prefer you didn’t, sir.”

    For Some, Reading Is Total Kabul

    | Dallas, TX, USA |

    Patron: “I need some books on Afghanistan.”

    Me: “Okay, I can show you where that section is in the non-fiction.”

    (I lead the patron over. There are several books on the subject.)

    Patron: “So are these, like, books you have to read? Because my school library had some of those, but it’s not what I wanted.”

    You’ll Find That In The Irony Section

    | BC, Canada |

    (A customer is looking through the non-fiction section of the library, and approaches me.)

    Customer: “I’m looking for a book by [author's name], and I can’t find it on the shelf.”

    Me: “Okay. The non-fiction section isn’t sorted by author. What’s the subject of the book you are looking for?”

    Customer: “It’s about the dewey decimal system.”


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