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    Ralph Waldo Emerson Would Be Proud

    | Pennsylvania, USA | Bizarre

    Patron: “Do you have any books about division?”

    Me: “Sure, we have lots of books about arithmetic. One of them is bound to have what you’re looking for.”

    Patron: “Good. The radio frequencies around my house interfere with my calculator, so I have to learn math again.”

    Me: “Let me just show you those books.”

    The Horrors Of Mispronunciation, Part 4

    | Wisconsin, USA | Top

    Customer: “I want books on gynecology.”

    Me: “Okay. This way, please…”

    (I start to take her to the health section.)

    Customer: “Yeah, I really want to learn about my ancestors.”

    Me: *quickly change course to the genealogy section*

    Related:
    The Horrors Of Mispronunciation, Part 3
    The Horrors Of Mispronunciation, Part 2
    The Horrors Of Mispronunciation

    Reading Is Infectious

    | Melbourne, Australia | Health & Body, Top

    (A customer is returning a large pile of overdue books – about 90 for the entire family. She’s waiting while I process them in order to pay the fine.)

    Me: “Well, they’re not very overdue. It’s just that there’s a lot of them.”

    Customer: “Yeah, I know. I’m sorry they’re late.”

    (I scan the last few books.)

    Me: “Okay, over the three cards, there’s $50 in fines, but I’ll halve that to $25 as they’re not too late.”

    Customer: “Oh, thanks so much. I just couldn’t get them in as we’ve all had scarlet fever.”

    (I look at the pile of books, every one of which I have handled.)

    Me: “Oh…”

    The Horrors Of Mispronunciation, Part 3

    | Atlanta, GA, USA | Family & Kids, Rude & Risque

    (I’m a librarian. I am walking through the children’s section and see a boy of around 12 browsing through ghost stories. He
    picks up a book, opens it, and immediately drops it back on the shelf.)

    Boy: “Ooh! That book’s too scary!”

    Me: “What book is it?”

    Boy:Ghosts of Prostitutes.”

    Me: “What?!”

    (I walk over and pick up the book. It is titled “Ghosts and Poltergeists”.)

    Related:
    The Horrors Of Mispronunciation, Part 2
    The Horrors Of Mispronunciation

    Cue The Queue

    | Colorado, USA |

    (The computers in the computer lab are all in use. There is a sign up station to get the next available computer.)

    Customer: “I signed up, but it didn’t work.”

    Me: “I see your name. You will get the next available computer.”

    Customer: “Which one?”

    Me: “It depends which other customer leaves first.”

    Customer: “So, it’s random?”

    Me: “No, it’s not random. You are in the queue to get the next available computer.”

    Customer: “Why didn’t you just say that? It’s random.”

    Me: “No, sir, it’s not random. You will–”

    Customer: “Queue isn’t a regular English word. Just say it’s random.”

    Me: “Sir, computer number 14 is ready for you.”

    Customer: *muttering* “It’s random.”

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