I work in a library, and we have a coffee machine in our lobby where visitors can get coffee, tea, or hot chocolate. The hot chocolate is very popular with kids. 

I spot a little boy running up to his dad, waving a paper mug from the machine. 

Boy: “Dad, can I have hot chocolate?”

Dad: “Not today, buddy.”

Boy: “Daaad, pleeeease!”

Dad: “No, we don’t have time today; we can get it next time. Now put that mug back where you found it.”

Boy: “But I already licked it!”

The front desk of our library is situated facing our non-fiction and DVD sections, so when patrons come in, their backs are toward those sections. In most instances, though, when you walk through the front doors you’ll immediately see that our non-fiction section wraps around to the patrons’ view. Except in this case…

Patron: “Hey, where are your books at?”

Me: “Are you looking for a specific title or author?”

Patron: “No, just where are your books?”

Me: “Umm… Behind you, sir, is our non-fiction. Fiction is upstairs.”

The patron turns around, looks shocked, and turns back to me.

Patron: “So, what is this place? Like a government base or something?”

Me: “We’ll we’re the [City] library, so yes, we are a government building.”

The patron looks confused and glances around again.

Patron: “That’s wild. So, can I have a book?”

Me: “Well, you can check out a max of twenty-five items at a time, but you’ll have to return them on the due date.”

The patron took a look around again, mumbled to himself about the government, and left.

Our library is holding a little kiddie competition. The kids get to play a general knowledge quiz, based on information found around the library. We have a huge world map near the entrance so there are inevitably some geography-based questions.

One of the fathers comes over with the quiz sheet, looking angry. His maybe nine- or ten-year-old son is behind him, looking exhausted.

Patron: “This competition is rigged! It’s asking us to find a country that begins with U!”

Me: “Yes, sir.”

Patron: “There aren’t any country names that begin with U!”

Me: “Really, sir?”

Patron: “I would know! I watch National Geographic!”

Patron’s Son: “You watch Ancient Aliens, Dad.”

Me: “Sir, I can think of at least one very well-known country beginning with U that I guarantee you’ve visited.”

Patron: “No way! I’m a true American! I don’t need to go where there’s no freedom!”

Ah. I am working with one of those. Best cut to the chase.

Me: “Sir, the country you’re standing in right now begins with a U.”

Patron: “Dumba**! ‘America’ begins with an A! I can’t believe you work in a library!”

Patron’s Son: “Oh, my God, Dad! It’s the United States Of America!”

Patron: “But that’s just America!”

Patron’s Son: “Dad, what did you think the ‘USA! USA!’ chanting meant every time we watched the Olympics?”

Patron: “I thought that was a sports thing?”

If this didn’t happen to me, I wouldn’t have believed it. 

Customer: “Your computer isn’t working as it should.”

Me: “What’s the issue?”

Customer: “I can’t drag and drop the icons.”

I witnessed this customer click on an icon, unplug the mouse, plug it into another computer, and then let go of the mouse.

She tried dragging a file from one computer to another with a mouse.

It’s summertime at the city library, and I’m wearing a pair of light canvas shoes. I’m pulling a book from the top shelf, which is above my head. The book next to it also slides out, and before I can catch it, it rockets down and its edge lands right on the joint in my big toe.

Tears coming to my eyes, I reach down to get the book and see the title: “A Good Walk Spoiled.”