Library | Alabama, USA
(I’m the director of our small-town library. One of my summer volunteers is a 16 year old girl who is a diabetic. She works the lunch shift, and I allow her to eat her lunch at the checkout counter.)
Patron: *to the volunteer* “Hey, can you tell me if you have this book?” *hands over a sheet of paper*
Volunteer: *putting fork down* “Yes. It’s over here. I’ll go get it for you.”
(She walks away. I notice the lady at the desk sniffing the air. She looks around, clearly sees me staring at her, and proceeds to take a large bite of my volunteer’s food. She obviously doesn’t like it, and takes a large container of something out of her purse and dumps it all over the food. She takes another bite, and looks satisfied.)
Volunteer: *coming back* “Here’s your…wait. Why are you eating my lunch?”
Patron: “It was a free sample. And I must say, whoever made it is a terrible cook. It’s very tasteless. I have to put my entire container of salt on this to make it edible!”
Volunteer: “That was my lunch. I’m a diabetic, so of course it wouldn’t taste very good!”
Me: “Ma’am, you just ate her lunch. Why?”
(As I am talking the volunteer scribbles something on a piece of paper and hands it to me. It says, ‘Ignore what I’m about to do’. She then falls to the ground shaking and convulsing.)
Patron: “Oh s***!” *runs out of the library*
Volunteer: “I learned how to do that to get my brothers in trouble.”
Library | Melbourne, Australia
(I’m a female. I’ve recently shaved my head for charity.)
Customer’s Son: “Mum, there’s a boy-lady!”
Customer: *distracted* “Is there darling?”
Customer’s Son: “Yes, at the counter.”
(The mother glares at me.)
Customer: “I see.”
Customer’s Son: “Can I be a boy-lady?”
Customer: “No. No you cannot.”
(They finish what they’re doing and as they’re leaving the mother calls me over.)
Customer: “I don’t care what you do at home, but if you want to pass for female in public, buy a d*** wig. You’re corrupting the kids!”
Library | Wollongong, Australia
Customer: “This d*** DVD doesn’t work!”
Me: “Oh I’m sorry sir, I’ll put it in to be cleaned immediately.” *I check disc for scratches* “I would say the reason this particular disc doesn’t work is that it’s cracked right in half.”
Customer: “Don’t give me that s***! Half the DVD’s from this place won’t work in my DVD player!”
Me: “Well, unfortunately some patrons don’t take very good care of them.”
Customer: “Well why should I? It don’t work so I snapped it!”
Me: “You broke the DVD sir?”
Customer: “Your DVDs never work anyway, and I’m sick of it!”
Me: “You realize I will have to charge you the cost of a new DVD?”
Customer: “That’s an outrage! Your DVDs don’t work because some selfish idiot doesn’t look after them, so I have to pay for it?”
Me: “Did you or did you not break this DVD in half sir?”
Customer: “Yes, but only because I’d already scratched it by throwing it across the room.”
Me: “Why?”
Customer: “Well if I didn’t do it, someone else just would have…If my dog damaged the disc, would I still have to pay for it?”
Me: “Yes, you would.”
Customer: “You’re a moody cow, you know that?!”
Library | Cincinnati, OH, USA
(A patron had an item due back at 3:59 pm, so that read as ‘03:59 pm’. They returned it around 3 pm.)
Patron: “I don’t know what time this was due at. I can’t read army time.”
Me: “We don’t use military time. Where were you seeing it at?”
Patron: “Right here on the receipt, it says ‘13:59 pm’.”
Me: “It says 03:59 pm. Just drop the zero.”
Patron: “No, army time is harder than that.”
Me: “If it was due back at 13:59, it would’ve been due back at 1:59 pm.”
Patron: “So, I’m late?”
Me: “No, because we don’t use military time. Plus, that’s still not proper military time formatting. All you have to do on our receipts is drop that zero and you have the normal time.”
Patron: “Oh! I get it now! So if I drop the one, then I get the correct time from army time?”
Me: “That’s not military time or a one.”
Patron: “I’m glad to know how army time works now!”
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Library | Long Island, NY, USA
(I am shelving a couple books. I have two books in my hands, each going in different sections.)
Customer: *pointing* “Oh that book goes over here and that book goes over there.”
Me: “But–”
Customer: “The book goes right here.”
Me: “Yes, I–”
Customer: *takes book from me* “The book goes in this spot here.”
Me: “I know.”
Customer: “I’m not trying to tell you how to do your job. I’m just trying to be helpful!”
Me: “Thank you?”
Library | Vancouver, BC, Canada
(Students are required to show their student ID cards when borrowing a book. Two students walk up to the front desk.)
Student #1: “Hi, I’d like to borrow this book for my friend here.” *hands me their student ID card*
Me: “If your friend would like that book, then she needs to bring her own ID card and borrow it herself. I can’t let you borrow it for her in case she causes any damage or loses it.”
Student #1: “Oh. But she’s very responsible. She wouldn’t damage or lose it.”
(I turn to the second student.)
Me: “Where is your student ID card?”
Student #2: “I lost it.”
Library | High Point, NC, USA
(A customer is about to get on the elevator and go upstairs with a soda.)
Me: “Excuse me, ma’am, but soda is not allowed upstairs. We have an area right under the stairs that you can sit and drink it or you will need to take it outside.”
Customer: “But I just bought it! You mean I can’t take it upstairs even if I’m not going to open it?”
Me: “No, ma’am. They just don’t allow it.”
Customer: “You mean I have to drink it? Well, I never would have bought it if I had known I was going to have to drink it!”
Library | New Jersey, USA
Me: “Okay, for a library card I need ID the verifies your address.”
Patron: *recites address*
Me: “I need proof that is your address, like your ID or a bill.”
Patron: *recites address again*
Me: “I’m sorry. I need proof.”
(The patron walks away and comes back with another patron.)
Patron: “Will you please tell this lady where I live to prove it?”
Library | Melbourne, Australia
Customer: “Excuse me miss, do you have those movies on circles?”
Me: “Do you mean DVDs?”
Customer: “Yes that’s it, VDVs, do you have those?”
Me: “Yes, right over here.”
(I leave the customer to browse and she comes back with a stack of DVDs to borrow).
Customer: “They’re good aren’t they, VDVs?”
Me: “Yes, they are. Very clear.”
Customer: “Yes, I love them. I can’t believe I waited so long to get a nice VD player.”
(I finish the loans and hand the customer her DVDs. As she’s leaving she sees a friend walking in).
Customer: “Oh! Cynthia! You need to come over for coffee, I finally got a VD!”
Library | Bloomington, IN, USA
Customer: “Hey, I have an overdue charge on this book. Can I get it removed?”
Me: “I’m sorry, but if you kept the book past the due date, then I can’t remove the charge.”
Customer: “Then can I just keep the book?”
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