Not Always Right on Facebook Not Always Right on Twitter Not Always Right Unfiltered on Tumblr
Featured Story:
  • Filled With Creamy Justice
    (1,928 thumbs up)
  • July Theme Of The Month: Animal Madness!
    Submit your story today!

    Board Of Mistrustees

    | England, UK | Crazy Requests, Criminal/Illegal

    (I am interning at a business and working reception. A customer calls, wanting the information of a man who used to work there.)

    Me: “Hello, this is [Business]. Can I help you?”

    Customer: “I need the contact information for [Name]. It’s very important.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. We can’t give out the information of people who no longer work here.”

    Customer: “But I just need his information. It’s very important.”

    Me: “We are no longer affiliated with [Name] and cannot give out his information. You could try looking online.”

    (This back and forth goes on for some time with me trying to explain that we can’t just give out people’s personal info.)

    Customer: “Why aren’t you answering my question!? I’m reporting you to the board of trustees! What is your name?”

    Me: “My Name is [My Name] and you can do that if you wish.”

    (She then hangs up. As far as I know we don’t have a board of trustees and I’m a six week intern from out of the country so I’m not sure what she was hoping to accomplish…)

    Hoping To Bend The Law

    | USA | Crazy Requests, Criminal/Illegal, Money

    Me: “Good morning. [Law Firm].”

    Caller: “I was wondering if [Lawyer] could give me some advice on getting alimony after my divorce.”

    Me: “I’m sorry. [Lawyer] does not offer free legal advice. Her hourly rate is [rate], and I can schedule you a meeting for [set price].”

    Caller: “I’m not really looking to pay. Can you give me advice?”

    Me: “I am not a lawyer, thus am not qualified to give legal advice. I would hate to steer you wrong.”

    Caller: “Well, what if I told you what I wanted to know, you asked [Lawyer], took notes, and then you called me back?”

    Me: “No, ma’am. I will not do that.”

    Caller: “This is very poor customer service!” *hangs up*

    Forming A Theory

    | Helsinki, Finland | Extra Stupid

    (I’m a lawyer in a small firm. We send out documents in an envelope with our address stamped on it, and with prepaid postage fees. The society where I live operates on trust, and the postal service has stopped stamping sent mail. If you are the dishonest type, you can send the same envelope multiple times for free, but you’d have to put a sticker or something on the previous address. I get a call from an irate client.)

    Customer: “What is the matter with you!”

    Me: “What seems to be the problem?”

    Customer: “Why do you keep sending me this same form over and over again?! Are you out of your minds?! If I filled it wrong you could attach some advice as how to fill it, and not just the same form again and again! And further, this envelope of yours is in a disgraceful state. I’m at the end of my patience here!”

    Me: “I’m very sorry that this has happened to you. Could I please have your name so I can check what the problem is?”

    Customer: “Well okay, but you should know who I am since you seem to send me mail every single day!”

    (I check the records. Only one letter has been sent to the customer.)

    Me: “I don’t know how this could have happened, since I’m pretty sure we’ve only sent you one letter.”

    Customer: “You are wrong! This same letter keeps coming and coming. You are sending it to me!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but I would know if I’m sending you mail every day. And furthermore if we get a legal document from a client that has been filled wrong, we always call and give advice on how to fill it. Could you please go over the document, and I’ll see if there is anything wrong with it.”

    Customer: “Fine!”

    (We go over the form, and all seems to be fine.)

    Me: “Thank you very much for your patience. Everything on the form seems to be correct. I can’t think of any reason why it would get sent back to you. Could you go over the whole procedure of how you are sending it back to us?”

    (She goes over the whole thing in detail…)

    Customer: “…and then I glue the envelope back shut again.”

    Me: “Excuse me, but did you say you use glue to shut the envelope again? What does it say on the envelope you are trying to send us?

    Customer: “It says [her own name and address], of course!”

    Me: “So, you are carefully opening the letter we used to send you the form. Then you reuse it to send the form back to us, instead of the attached envelope meant for return mail? You do realize that the envelope goes to the address that is actually on the envelope?”

    (There is a long silence and sounds of paper rustling.)

    Customer: “You really should write clearer instructions on how to return these d*** forms!” *click*

    She Didn’t Marry Him For His Sense

    | London, UK | Money, Wild & Unruly

    (I work in a law firm as an office manager and administrator. Our firm only deals with criminal law, personal injury and immigration. A scruffy-looking guy comes in one day.)

    Customer: “Hi, I wonder if you could help me. My wife is going to divorce me and I want custody of my kids.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but we don’t deal with family law here. Only criminal, personal injury, and immigration.”

    Customer: “Why won’t you help me?! My kids need to be with me; their mum is crazy!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but we do not deal with family law here. I would be happy to refer you to another firm that can help you.”

    Customer: *shouting* “Oh, you are just discriminating against me! Get your manager for me right now!”

    Me: “Sir, I am the manager.”

    Customer: “Oh, hi there. I wondered if you could help me. My wife wants to divorce me.”

    Me: “I’ve already told you we can’t help you here.”

    Customer: “But look, I’ve got lots of money. I can pay you if that’s the problem!”

    (The man then picks up a bag he has, turns it upside down, and empties the whole bag full of pennies onto my desk.)

    Customer: “See, money. Now, help me.”

    Me: “Listen, you need to leave right now. Take your pennies and leave the building, or I’m going to call security.”

    Customer: “Aah!” *picks up a penny, throws it at me, and runs out, leaving all his pennies*

    Kramer Vs Dracula

    | Oklahoma City, OK, USA |

    Me: “Thanks for calling [law firm]. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “Yeah, I was wondering. Is there any precedent with custody cases involving Satanic vampire covens?”

    Me: “I’m sorry?”

    Customer: “Satanic vampire covens.”

    Me: “I’m afraid I don’t know.”

    Customer: “Well, I’m looking to get custody of my child from my ex-wife because she’s recently joined a Satanic vampire coven. I have photographic evidence of her wearing ceremonial robes and drinking human blood. Is there anything I can do?”

    Me: “I’m not sure. Let me go ask someone.”

    Customer: “Ah, nevermind. I’ll just figure it out myself.” *click*


    Page 1/41234