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    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 32

    | CA, USA | Extra Stupid, Money

    Me: “[Client], your bankruptcy has been discharged. Please come by the office to pick up the final paperwork.”

    Client: “So all my debt is gone?”

    Me: “Correct, sir.”

    Client: “So, how long before I can get more credit cards?”

    Related:
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 30
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 29
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 28
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 27
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 26
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 25

    His Assumption Is Not On The Money

    | West Allis, WI, USA | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests, Criminal/Illegal, Money

    (I’m a legal secretary at a law firm, and I answer a call.)

    Me: “Hello, this is [Law Firm]. My name is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

    Caller: “Hi. You guys handle bankruptcies, right?”

    Me: “Yes, we do.”

    Caller: “Oh good. So, I think I need to file bankruptcy…”

    (The caller explains his financial situation.)

    Me: “Okay, I can go ahead and schedule an appointment with an attorney for a free consultation if you’d like.”

    Caller: “Yes, let’s do that. I just have a question, though. What would the cost be?”

    Me: “It would be [attorney's fee] plus costs.”

    Caller: “And I pay that after it’s all finished, right? I don’t pay anything up front?”

    Me: “Actually, you have to pay one-third of the fee up front.”

    Caller: “What! But I just explained that I have no money! That’s the whole point! Why do I have to pay up front?”

    Me: “Well, because if we allowed that, then clients would just cut and run once the bankruptcy is concluded, and we end up paying the cost of the case ourselves. It’s happened too many times before. It’s just our policy now.”

    Caller: *trying to sound sweet* “It’s such a shame that a few bad apples have ruined the process for everyone else.”

    Me: “Yes, it really is.”

    (Long pause.)

    Caller: “So, can I pay after the bankruptcy is concluded?”

    Me: “… No.”

    Caller: “D*** it! What’s the point?!” *hangs up*

    Board Of Mistrustees

    | England, UK | Crazy Requests, Criminal/Illegal

    (I am interning at a business and working reception. A customer calls, wanting the information of a man who used to work there.)

    Me: “Hello, this is [Business]. Can I help you?”

    Customer: “I need the contact information for [Name]. It’s very important.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. We can’t give out the information of people who no longer work here.”

    Customer: “But I just need his information. It’s very important.”

    Me: “We are no longer affiliated with [Name] and cannot give out his information. You could try looking online.”

    (This back and forth goes on for some time with me trying to explain that we can’t just give out people’s personal info.)

    Customer: “Why aren’t you answering my question!? I’m reporting you to the board of trustees! What is your name?”

    Me: “My Name is [My Name] and you can do that if you wish.”

    (She then hangs up. As far as I know we don’t have a board of trustees and I’m a six week intern from out of the country so I’m not sure what she was hoping to accomplish…)

    Hoping To Bend The Law

    | USA | Crazy Requests, Criminal/Illegal, Money

    Me: “Good morning. [Law Firm].”

    Caller: “I was wondering if [Lawyer] could give me some advice on getting alimony after my divorce.”

    Me: “I’m sorry. [Lawyer] does not offer free legal advice. Her hourly rate is [rate], and I can schedule you a meeting for [set price].”

    Caller: “I’m not really looking to pay. Can you give me advice?”

    Me: “I am not a lawyer, thus am not qualified to give legal advice. I would hate to steer you wrong.”

    Caller: “Well, what if I told you what I wanted to know, you asked [Lawyer], took notes, and then you called me back?”

    Me: “No, ma’am. I will not do that.”

    Caller: “This is very poor customer service!” *hangs up*

    Forming A Theory

    | Helsinki, Finland | Extra Stupid

    (I’m a lawyer in a small firm. We send out documents in an envelope with our address stamped on it, and with prepaid postage fees. The society where I live operates on trust, and the postal service has stopped stamping sent mail. If you are the dishonest type, you can send the same envelope multiple times for free, but you’d have to put a sticker or something on the previous address. I get a call from an irate client.)

    Customer: “What is the matter with you!”

    Me: “What seems to be the problem?”

    Customer: “Why do you keep sending me this same form over and over again?! Are you out of your minds?! If I filled it wrong you could attach some advice as how to fill it, and not just the same form again and again! And further, this envelope of yours is in a disgraceful state. I’m at the end of my patience here!”

    Me: “I’m very sorry that this has happened to you. Could I please have your name so I can check what the problem is?”

    Customer: “Well okay, but you should know who I am since you seem to send me mail every single day!”

    (I check the records. Only one letter has been sent to the customer.)

    Me: “I don’t know how this could have happened, since I’m pretty sure we’ve only sent you one letter.”

    Customer: “You are wrong! This same letter keeps coming and coming. You are sending it to me!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but I would know if I’m sending you mail every day. And furthermore if we get a legal document from a client that has been filled wrong, we always call and give advice on how to fill it. Could you please go over the document, and I’ll see if there is anything wrong with it.”

    Customer: “Fine!”

    (We go over the form, and all seems to be fine.)

    Me: “Thank you very much for your patience. Everything on the form seems to be correct. I can’t think of any reason why it would get sent back to you. Could you go over the whole procedure of how you are sending it back to us?”

    (She goes over the whole thing in detail…)

    Customer: “…and then I glue the envelope back shut again.”

    Me: “Excuse me, but did you say you use glue to shut the envelope again? What does it say on the envelope you are trying to send us?

    Customer: “It says [her own name and address], of course!”

    Me: “So, you are carefully opening the letter we used to send you the form. Then you reuse it to send the form back to us, instead of the attached envelope meant for return mail? You do realize that the envelope goes to the address that is actually on the envelope?”

    (There is a long silence and sounds of paper rustling.)

    Customer: “You really should write clearer instructions on how to return these d*** forms!” *click*

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