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  • Lock Blocked

    | Sydney, NSW, Australia | Criminal/Illegal, Family & Kids

    (I work at a laser tag centre, which is housed in a converted warehouse. As a party is leaving, I see one of their kids swipe the padlocks off the roller door at the front of the building. After I call the parent in charge, the kid comes back.)

    Me: “Hey, thanks for coming back.”

    (The kid grumpily slaps the padlocks on the counter.)

    Kid: *mumbles* “Sorry.” *he clearly isn’t*

    Me: “Er, that’s okay, just… don’t do it again. You mind telling me why you stole these in the first place?”

    Kid: “They were just hanging there so I grabbed them.”

    Me: “What were you going to use them for?”

    Kid: “I dunno, I could go lock s***.”

    Me: “You do realise that you would never be able to open whatever you locked, right? Because you don’t have the key?”

    Kid: *genuinely surprised* “Aw… didn’t think about that.”

    Me: *trying to keep a straight face* “Alright, thank you for your honesty. Go back to your parents…”

    Less Than Meets The Eye

    | Tennessee, USA | Extra Stupid

    (Our laser tag equipment works on radio waves. The laser is only there to see the general area you’re aiming for. Two customers approach me.)

    Customer #1: “Will these blind you if you get shot in the eye?”

    Me: “No ma’am. It’s a very low powered beam. It is a bit disconcerting when you get tagged in the eye, but that’s just your eye adjusting suddenly to the bright light in the darkness.”

    Customer #1: “Are you sure it won’t hurt your eyes?”

    Me: “Yes ma’am, to do any damage at all you would have to stare down the barrel and shoot yourself in the eye repeatedly.”

    (Customer #2 immediately looks into the barrel and holds down the trigger.)