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    Time For Them To Make Like A Tree And Leave

    | Washington, DC, USA | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests, Home Improvement, Wild & Unruly

    (I work at a small landscaping company that does tree replacements for trees removed during construction on sewer lines. These replacements are monitored by the county. My boss (one of the company owners) is replacing a tree at a wealthy man’s house.)

    Boss: *to homeowner* “Hello, sir. We are with [Landscape Company]. We are here to replace your [tree].”

    Homeowner: “About time you guys got here. I’ve been waiting for my replacement tree for months!”

    Boss: “Sorry about the wait, sir. We have your tree ready to plant.” *gestures to the tree*

    Homeowner: “I don’t want that piece of s***! I want a cherry like my neighbor got!”

    Boss: “I’m sorry, sir, this is the species of tree that was removed from your yard according to my planting permit. Your neighbor received a cherry because that’s what was removed from her yard.”

    Homeowner: “I don’t give a s*** what kind of tree was in my yard or hers before! If you plant that tree I will rip it out of the ground myself!

    Boss: “Then you don’t want us to replace the tree?”

    Homeowner: “That’s what I just said, you idiot! You really don’t need to be smart to be a landscaper, do you?”

    Boss: “I’m sorry you feel that way, sir. We will do everything we can to fix the problem. If you could just sign this document saying you rejected a replacement tree we will get everything sorted out for you.”

    (The homeowner signs the paper then goes back in his house. My boss tells me to load the tree back in the truck.)

    Me: “So, do we have to get him that cherry?”

    Boss: “H***, no! He rejected the tree on our contract and confirmed he would rather not have a tree. We aren’t obligated to give him s*** now! If he had been a bit nicer I would have pulled some strings and gotten him that cherry but forget that!”

    (My boss called our contact at the county office and explained that the homeowner had declined the replacement tree and signed the rejection papers. Apparently a month later the homeowner called to ask where his tree was and received the news that he rejected his replacement and would no longer be getting a new tree.)

    Accusations Wood Require Hard Proof

    | Calgary, Canada | Rude & Risque, Time

    (My landscaping company gets an early job at 7:45 AM at a residence. While starting on the lawn, the customer suddenly comes barging out of his house. It’s obvious that he’s just woken up.)

    Customer: “DO YOU BASTARDS KNOW WHAT TIME IT IS?! It’s 7:45! I said show up at 8:45!”

    (Note: the customer is wearing sweat pants and has some REALLY bad morning wood going on.)

    Boss: “Sir, you said 7:45. We talked about this two days ago.”

    (As my boss says this, all of the workers are trying not to laugh at the customer’s morning wood.)

    Customer: “Screw you! I knew what I asked for! I will show you I wrote it down!”

    (A couple of moments later, he comes back out wearing an embarrassed face.)

    Customer: “I got the time wrong. Sorry…” *goes back inside, still with morning wood*

    The Problem With Dirty Words

    | Texas, USA | Bizarre

    Me: “How can I help you?”

    Caller: “Is this a joke?”

    Me: “Pardon me?”

    Caller: “Your company just did some landscaping for us and the dirt that you put in is dirty.”

    Me: “I’m sorry?”

    Caller: “The dirt is dirty.”

    Me: “Is there trash or rocks in the dirt?”

    Caller: “No, the dirt is just really dirty.”

    Me: “So you want us to come out and replace the dirty dirt with clean dirt?”

    Caller: “Yes, and I need it done as soon as possible. I don’t want it to make the rest of my dirt dirty too.”

    How About We Toilet Paper Your Lawn Instead

    | Fort Collins, CO, USA |

    (Some landscapers are helping landscape our lawn. I’m also helping them move stuff when my neighbor comes over.)

    Neighbor: “Hey, can you guys come over and help clean up some of our lawn?”

    Landscaper: “No, we’re busy working over here.”

    Neighbor: “It won’t take more than a couple of minutes. Just come in here, replace the grass with their sod, plant some extras, that’s all!”

    Landscaper: “You mean redo your landscape?”

    Neighbor: “Yeah, it won’t take too long. They’re not gonna notice!”

    Landscaper: “I’m pretty sure he’ll notice since he actually lives here and is helping us.” *points at me*

    Me: “Hi there!” *waves*

    Neighbor: *retreats to her house*