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    Accusations Wood Require Hard Proof

    | Calgary, Canada | Rude & Risque, Time

    (My landscaping company gets an early job at 7:45 AM at a residence. While starting on the lawn, the customer suddenly comes barging out of his house. It’s obvious that he’s just woken up.)

    Customer: “DO YOU BASTARDS KNOW WHAT TIME IT IS?! It’s 7:45! I said show up at 8:45!”

    (Note: the customer is wearing sweat pants and has some REALLY bad morning wood going on.)

    Boss: “Sir, you said 7:45. We talked about this two days ago.”

    (As my boss says this, all of the workers are trying not to laugh at the customer’s morning wood.)

    Customer: “Screw you! I knew what I asked for! I will show you I wrote it down!”

    (A couple of moments later, he comes back out wearing an embarrassed face.)

    Customer: “I got the time wrong. Sorry…” *goes back inside, still with morning wood*

    The Problem With Dirty Words

    | Texas, USA | Bizarre

    Me: “How can I help you?”

    Caller: “Is this a joke?”

    Me: “Pardon me?”

    Caller: “Your company just did some landscaping for us and the dirt that you put in is dirty.”

    Me: “I’m sorry?”

    Caller: “The dirt is dirty.”

    Me: “Is there trash or rocks in the dirt?”

    Caller: “No, the dirt is just really dirty.”

    Me: “So you want us to come out and replace the dirty dirt with clean dirt?”

    Caller: “Yes, and I need it done as soon as possible. I don’t want it to make the rest of my dirt dirty too.”

    How About We Toilet Paper Your Lawn Instead

    | Fort Collins, CO, USA |

    (Some landscapers are helping landscape our lawn. I’m also helping them move stuff when my neighbor comes over.)

    Neighbor: “Hey, can you guys come over and help clean up some of our lawn?”

    Landscaper: “No, we’re busy working over here.”

    Neighbor: “It won’t take more than a couple of minutes. Just come in here, replace the grass with their sod, plant some extras, that’s all!”

    Landscaper: “You mean redo your landscape?”

    Neighbor: “Yeah, it won’t take too long. They’re not gonna notice!”

    Landscaper: “I’m pretty sure he’ll notice since he actually lives here and is helping us.” *points at me*

    Me: “Hi there!” *waves*

    Neighbor: *retreats to her house*