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    Return The Clock On The Clock

    , | Canada | Bizarre

    (I work at an engraving kiosk in a mall. Most of our products are engraved and not returnable.)

    Customer: “What’s your return policy?”

    Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. I’m not completely sure, but it’s stated on this sign right here.” *points to sign right in front of her*

    Customer: “You don’t know your return policy? Do you even work here?”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am, I assure you I work here.”

    Customer: “What does this mean, that engraved items can’t be returned? Why?”

    Me: “…Once an item has been engraved with something like, ‘Love, Jim,’ it’s highly unlikely that anyone else would want that particular message.”

    Customer: “Oh. I’ll buy this clock.”

    Me: “Would you like anything engraved in it?”

    Customer: “No.”

    (Half an hour later, she was back to return the clock. I figure a. she was lonely and needed an object to accompany her through the mall, and b. she had a burning desire to test our return policy!)

    A Small Sample Of Big Stupid

    | USA | Extra Stupid, Money

    (In the local mall there is a kiosk that only opens during the holidays which sells products such as smoked meats, cheeses, and the like. I always stop by there to get a few things when they open and am a customer while this is happening.)

    Customer: “Could I get another one of these? This one is open.”

    (She hands the employee a bottle of honey mustard that is marked ‘sample.’)

    Employee #1: “Oh! I’m sorry, ma’am, that’s the sample bottle. The unopened ones are right down there on the other side of the counter.”

    Customer: “Oh, thanks!”

    (She grabs an unopened bottle and starts to walk off with it.)

    Employee #1: “Ma’am, you have to pay for that.”

    Customer: “But it’s a sample.”

    Employee #1: “No, it’s not. You have to pay for it.”

    Customer: “But that one’s marked sample.” *she points to the sample bottle* “Samples are free.”

    Employee #1: “Yes, that one is. That’s the bottle we use to get samples out of. We have it marked so we don’t accidentally try to sell it to a customer.”

    Customer: “But she’s getting one!”

    (She points to me and the bottle of honey mustard that I have in my hand.)

    Employee #1: “She is, ma’am, and she’s paying for it.”

    Customer: “Paying?”

    Employee #1: “Yes. With money.”

    Customer: “So I have to pay with money to get this? It isn’t free?”

    Employee #1: “No. It isn’t free.”

    Customer: “Oh… Well, I don’t want it then, but thank you.”

    (She sets the bottle of mustard down on the counter and walks away without further issue.)

    Me: “What just happened here?”

    Employee #2: “Oh, did the crazy sample lady come back? I’ve worked this kiosk for three years now and she does this every year. You’d think she’d have figured out that that’s not how samples work by now.”

    The Devil Has You By The Neck(lace)

    , | Bakersfield, CA, USA | Religion, Theme Of The Month

    (I am working for a pretzel company that had two stores in the mall. I am in the kiosk at the far end of the mall.)

    Customer: “May I have a salted pretzel?”

    Me: “Sure, that will be [price].”

    (Whilst I am preparing her pretzel, she continues to look at the menu board. We chat about the day. She is extremely pleasant.)

    Customer: “May I also get a large lemonade?”

    Me: “Of course.”

    (I start filling the drink, and update her on her new total. Then I lean over the counter to hand her the drink. My pentacle necklace falls out of my shirt. She takes one look at that and begins to scream at me:)

    Customer: “You are going to burn in Hell, demon! You devil worshipper!”

    (She took her food and drink so fast, she left her change. As sad as this is, this wasn’t the first nor last time this has happened to me throughout working customer service…)

    No Good Day To You

    , | TX, USA | Bad Behavior

    (I hand out samples of sushi in a grocery store. Sometimes I recognize certain people as the ones that always say no, so I do not even try to ask. Instead, I ask them how they’re doing and try to simply be friendly as they pass by. This is a very common response.)

    Me: “Hi! How are you today?”

    Customer: “No, thank you.”

    Me: “Well, have a good day.”

    Customer: “I said no.”

    Sweet Holiday Bonus

    , | Singapore | Holidays, Theme Of The Month

    (I’ve just finished junior college, and a couple of friends and I get temp jobs as sales staff manning a small patisserie’s stall at a Christmas food fair. Everything they sell is made by hand by the co-owner’s mother and absolutely delicious. I’m rushing about the stall as usual, on my own. A customer gives me the usual ‘just looking’ brush-off and so I step back to leave them to it when two hands grab me about the arms. I jump and turn; behind me there is a tall, positively Amazonian lady. She’s in yoga pants and a tank top and flip flops, but she is unmistakably well-groomed.)

    Me: “I’m so sorry, ma’am.”

    Customer: “I’d just gotten my nails done and it would have spoiled my pedicure.”

    (I thought I was in for a world of pain; but we both look down and admire her nails for a bit and the conversation turns to the wares. I offer her samples and give my spiel, and we chat while her husband, an older long-haired man just as casually dressed, stands around staring into space, occasionally munching the samples when offered. In the end she leaves with four massive shopping bags filled to the brim with cookies, gift boxes, and various other seasonal confectioneries. It is the largest sale I’ve ever made (not that I get a commission, but I am awed just keying that amount of money into my till as it was more money than I’ve ever seen in one place. They leave as my boss approaches, and they greet each other, chat for a bit, and move off. He comes to me.)

    Boss: “Do you know who they are?”

    Me: “Um… no?”

    Boss: “He owns [Large Business] and she’s the lady boss of [Car Dealership that is the exclusive distributor of a particular luxury car brand]. They’re very impressed with your service. She told me to pay you more.”

    (I’m stunned and it takes a while before it sinks in. On the last day of the fair our boss comes with our paychecks and pulls me aside to give me mine.)

    Boss: “Don’t show the others your pay-slip. You got more than them.”

    Me: “They know I put in more hours and overtime.”

    Boss: “No, your bonus is a higher percentage than theirs and it’s reflected there. [Customer] and [Husband] made sure to remind me, and [Hidden Partner] posed as a customer yesterday and he was really impressed with you, too.”

    (This was seven years ago, but as an awkward and really quite off-kilter seventeen year old, being told that my hard work paid was an insane boost to my self esteem. I still look for the stall every year at that food fair and make sure to say hi and buy something.)

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