November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

An Inuidiot

| Anchorage, AK, USA | Bigotry

(I help man several booths in downtown Anchorage during the summer that sell various jewelry, wood carvings, and ulu knives, all handmade by native Alaskans. Today I’m with one of the jewelry makers who is explaining the history behind each stone she uses while demonstrating how she crafts each piece.)

Customer: “So all of this is made by you? Made by a native Alaskan?”

Jewelry Lady: “Yep, every one.”

Customer: “So you’re, like, an actual Eskimo?”

Jewelry Lady: *laughs* “I’m Inupiat actually but otherwise yes, I’m as native as you can get around here.”

(The customer cocks his head as if confused.)

Customer: “Man, you talk really eloquently for a druggie! I mean aren’t you all supposed to be stoned out of your heads all the time?”

(I stare at the man incredulously. My jewelry lady gets a very smug smile on her face.)

Jewelry Lady: “Oh, give me time. The idea sounds better and better with every customer I get like yourself.”

H2-Slow To Realise

, | Chicago, IL, USA | Bad Behavior, Food & Drink

(I work at a sno-cone stand for my uncle, and as it is usually very hot, my stand almost always has a line. Customer #1 is sitting at a picnic table off to the side, not in line.)

Customer #1: “Excuse me, can I get a water?”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, in just a moment, after I help this girl with her cone.”

Customer #1: “I don’t care! I’m thirsty and it’s hot. Do you want me to become dehydrated and die?!”

Me: *getting sick of people not waiting in line and expecting service* “Frankly, sir, I don’t care. There is a line, that you can see is quite long, and you are currently at the end of it.”

Customer #1: “WOW! I should tell your boss about how terrible your service is. You’re being a b***!”

Customer #2: *a regular* “Go ahead, dude. It doesn’t matter; that’s her uncle.”

This Is Just The Tip Of The Ice

, | Okemos, MI, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

(I work in a small coffee kiosk located in a shopping mall. A customer comes up, and the transaction is fairly normal right up until the end.)

Customer: “This coffee is so hot! Could you please get me some ice to cool it down?”

Me: “Of course!”

(I proceed to grab a paper cup and put a reasonable amount of ice in it, which I then hand to the customer.)

Customer: “Oh, this isn’t enough! Can I have more?”

Me: “Sure, sorry about that!” *I do exactly as she asks*

Customer: “Now this is just too much ice. Can you pour a little out?”

Me: “Uh-huh.”

(I’m a little annoyed, but do my best to be as polite as possible as I pour a little bit of ice out.)

Customer: “That’s still too much ice! I really wish I could just do this myself…”

(The customer then proceeds to pour about half of the ice into her hand, and then holds out her hand full of ice, clearly expecting me to do the same.)

Me: “Uh….”

(I grab a nearby cup for her to pour it in. She ignores this, dumps the ice on the credit card reader and containers of sugar packets, and walks away happily as can be with her coffee filled with what she apparently considered to be the perfect amount of ice.)

Return The Clock On The Clock

, | Canada | Bizarre

(I work at an engraving kiosk in a mall. Most of our products are engraved and not returnable.)

Customer: “What’s your return policy?”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. I’m not completely sure, but it’s stated on this sign right here.” *points to sign right in front of her*

Customer: “You don’t know your return policy? Do you even work here?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, I assure you I work here.”

Customer: “What does this mean, that engraved items can’t be returned? Why?”

Me: “…Once an item has been engraved with something like, ‘Love, Jim,’ it’s highly unlikely that anyone else would want that particular message.”

Customer: “Oh. I’ll buy this clock.”

Me: “Would you like anything engraved in it?”

Customer: “No.”

(Half an hour later, she was back to return the clock. I figure a. she was lonely and needed an object to accompany her through the mall, and b. she had a burning desire to test our return policy!)

A Small Sample Of Big Stupid

| USA | Extra Stupid, Money

(In the local mall there is a kiosk that only opens during the holidays which sells products such as smoked meats, cheeses, and the like. I always stop by there to get a few things when they open and am a customer while this is happening.)

Customer: “Could I get another one of these? This one is open.”

(She hands the employee a bottle of honey mustard that is marked ‘sample.’)

Employee #1: “Oh! I’m sorry, ma’am, that’s the sample bottle. The unopened ones are right down there on the other side of the counter.”

Customer: “Oh, thanks!”

(She grabs an unopened bottle and starts to walk off with it.)

Employee #1: “Ma’am, you have to pay for that.”

Customer: “But it’s a sample.”

Employee #1: “No, it’s not. You have to pay for it.”

Customer: “But that one’s marked sample.” *she points to the sample bottle* “Samples are free.”

Employee #1: “Yes, that one is. That’s the bottle we use to get samples out of. We have it marked so we don’t accidentally try to sell it to a customer.”

Customer: “But she’s getting one!”

(She points to me and the bottle of honey mustard that I have in my hand.)

Employee #1: “She is, ma’am, and she’s paying for it.”

Customer: “Paying?”

Employee #1: “Yes. With money.”

Customer: “So I have to pay with money to get this? It isn’t free?”

Employee #1: “No. It isn’t free.”

Customer: “Oh… Well, I don’t want it then, but thank you.”

(She sets the bottle of mustard down on the counter and walks away without further issue.)

Me: “What just happened here?”

Employee #2: “Oh, did the crazy sample lady come back? I’ve worked this kiosk for three years now and she does this every year. You’d think she’d have figured out that that’s not how samples work by now.”

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