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    To Kill A Flirtation

    | USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Books & Reading, Family & Kids, Pets & Animals

    (A man has just brought his two dogs in, named Scout and Atticus.)

    Me: “Your dogs are so cute and sweet!”

    Owner: “Oh, thanks!”

    Me: “I love their names! To Kill a Mockingbird is my favorite book! It’s a shame your last name isn’t Finch. Haha!”

    Owner: “Yeah… It’s also my wife’s favorite. My VERY pregnant wife. And three kids.”

    Me: “Oh, that’s nice.”

    Owner: “Yeah. I’m married. And I have three kids.”

    Me: “O… kay…”

    (Once the owner leaves, my boss starts cracking up.)

    Boss: “[My Name]! Stop hitting on our clients!”

    Me: “I wasn’t! I was just being nice!”

    Boss: “Oh, my God. That was hilarious.”

    Me: “But… I was just being polite and making conversation!”

    (After that, I was a little more careful with whom I struck up a conversation. The man and his family are now regular clients. I’m glad I didn’t scare them off!)

    When The Dog Is Smarter Than Their Owner

    | MI, USA | Extra Stupid, Pets & Animals, Top, Wild & Unruly

    (I am outside with a small, but very nervous and dog-aggressive dog. He is new to our kennel, so I am trying to spend some time with him to bond, so he will feel more comfortable with my coworkers and me. He has just let me pet him for the first time all day, which is a huge step forward. A client drives up the driveway and gets out of his car with his Labrador retriever. He begins to open the ‘Employees Only’ gate.)

    Me: “Sorry, sir, but this area is employees only. Also, I’m working with a very nervous dog, which can be dangerous. I don’t want anything to happen to you, your dog, or this dog.”

    Client: “My dog is really friendly. I’m sure they would get along just fine.”

    (The client begins opening the latch to the gate.)

    Me: “Sir, please don’t come in here.”

    (The dog I am working with begins growling and assuming an aggressive stance toward the man’s Lab.)

    Client: “My dog can hold his own against that little thing.”

    Me: “Sorry, but I can’t risk you, myself, or either dog being injured. Please stay on the other side of the gate until I can get this one inside. I’ll help you as soon as I get back.”

    Client: “I’m sure it will be fine. Just let them play!”

    Me: “No. Even if this dog was extremely friendly, there’s at least a 90-pound difference between these two dogs, and I wouldn’t want your dog to accidentally step on this one. Stay right there. I’ll be back in just a minute.”

    (The client opens the gate, and his dog pushes through and charges towards the small dog. I lift up the little dog, which is barking and snapping at the Lab, and trying to squirm out of my arms. He manages to scratch my face from my hairline to my jawline, barely missing my eye. Meanwhile, the Lab is jumping on me, scratching my legs and stomach hard.)

    Me: “SIR. PLEASE GET YOUR DOG OUT OF HERE AND TAKE HIM TO THE OTHER SIDE OF THE FENCE!”

    Client: “Fine, whatever.”

    (He leashes his dog and moves him while I put the little dog back. He is obviously agitated, growling at me through his fenced in area. I get the owner of the kennel to talk to the client about his behavior.)

    Owner: “My staff told me what happened here. Didn’t she tell you not to let your dog in?”

    Client: “I told her my dog wouldn’t get hurt!”

    Owner: “That isn’t the point! She was doing trust exercises with a nervous new dog! You just undid all of her work!”

    Client: “No, I didn’t! He seemed fine!”

    Me: *to owner* “The dog just growled at me and tried to bite me through the fence. He wasn’t doing that before.”

    Owner: “Oh, my gosh, [My Name]. You’re bleeding everywhere.”

    (I look down and see that the small dog has scratched my arms during the struggle, enough to make me bleed a little, and my legs are starting to bruise and bleed from the Lab jumping on me. However, my face is worse. I see a few drops of blood drop onto my shirt from my forehead.)

    Owner: “I need to get my employee cleaned up. Please take your dog elsewhere. I don’t need any clients who refuse to listen to my employees, who are trained professionals. Please go board your dog elsewhere.”

    Client: “She’s not bleeding that badly! God! I just wanted my dog to play with that dog! If your employee would give him a chance, they’d get along just fine!”

    Owner: “Get your d*** dog out of here before I call the police and every kennel in town, telling them what you did.”

    (After some arguing the client left with his dog. We never saw him again. The scratches on my arms, legs, and stomach weren’t too bad. However, I do have a small scar just below my hairline from the little dog.)

    Acting Like A Dog

    | NC, USA | At The Checkout, Health & Body, Pets & Animals, Rude & Risque

    Customer: “You’re a very pretty girl. How old are you?”

    (I get flustered and blush as I finish the paperwork for his dog’s stay.)

    Me: “Uh, thank you, sir. I just, uh, I just turned 21.”

    Customer: “You’re still a little girl! I’ll be 40 this month. You know what that means: prostate exams. Do you know anything about prostate exams?”

    (I am hurriedly finishing the paperwork.)

    Me: “Your total is $235. Thank you for choosing our kennel. I hope Bruiser enjoyed his stay! He’s a sweetie; we would welcome him back anytime.”

    Customer: “You didn’t answer my question. Do you know anything about prostate exams?”

    (He winks at me.)

    Me: “No, sir. I do not. How would you like to pay?”

    (He leans over the counter.)

    Customer: “A pretty little redhead like you? I’m sure you know a lot about a lot of things.”

    Me: “I see you’ve previously used Visa. Would you like for us to charge the same card?”

    Customer: “I’d like for you to answer my question, honey.”

    (A coworker has overheard our interaction came to the front. He is approximately 6’3″ and solid muscle. His hair is also a brighter shade of red than mine.)

    Coworker: “I heard somebody up here likes redheads.”

    Customer: “I was talking to—”

    Coworker: “I know who you were talking to, and if you do not stop talking to her, the only thing that will be up your a** is my foot. Now how would you like to pay, sir?”

    (The customer promptly pays. The kennel owner received complaints about both my coworker and I, but she had also had incredibly creepy interactions with this client. She informed him that his business was no longer welcome.)