Overly Positive

| New Zealand | Uncategorized

(A customer approaches the counter with a huge smile on his face.)

Me: “Good morning, sir! How can I help today?”

Customer: “I need to find a ring for my girlfriend.”

Me: “I can help you with that. Is this a ring for a special occasion?”

Customer: “Yes! We just found out that my girlfriend is pregnant, and I want to give her a ring to celebrate.”

Me: “Congratulations! How far along is she?”

Customer: “Only a few days. See, look. The test was positive!”

(The customer pulls out the used pregnancy test, which indicates a positive result. He tries to wave it in my face.)

Customer: “Do you want to see?”

Me: “I really don’t need to see. I believe you.”

Attack Of The O’Hooligans

, | Foley, AL, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “Excuse me, are you the manager?

Me: “Yes. How can I help you?”

Customer: “I want to complain about your employee in the jewelry department. She’s a hooligan!”

Me: “Well, what did she do?”

Customer: “Her hair is green!”

Me: “Ma’am, that’s just for St. Patrick’s Day.”

Customer: “I don’t care! It’s unprofessional and rebellious! It probably means she’s in a gang!”

Me: “Very well. I’ll talk with her.”

(The associate and I have a good laugh over it. She comes in the next day with her ordinary brown hair. The customer happens to come in, too.)

Customer: “Oh, your hair is brown! I’m glad I was able to help you get reformed from your rebellious ways!”

Miles Away From The Answer, Relatively Speaking

| Champaign, IL, USA | Extra Stupid, Uncategorized

(I am filling out a credit application for a couple. We reach the question, ‘nearest living relative’.)

Customer: *thinking for a few moments* “About 50 miles!”

Wrong About The Right

| Leicestershire, UK | Uncategorized

(I’m filling out a return slip for a customer.)

Customer: “Oh! You’re a lefty!”

Me: “Err no, this is my right hand.”

Customer: “But it’s on my left!”

Me: “It’s still my right hand.”

Solar Spaciness

| Sydney, Australia | Uncategorized

(A customer is looking at light-powered watches.)

Me: “It needs to be charged with 8 hours of direct sunlight or lamp light before it will keep time.”

Customer: “Does it have to be Australian sunlight, or can I take it to England and use it there?”

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