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  • Your Solution Is The Bomb

    | SC, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

    Coworker: “Thank you for calling technical support, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “I think my tablet is about to explode!”

    Coworker: “Ma’am, did you just say explode?”

    Customer: “Yes! I think there’s a bomb in it! I was watching a video, and all of a sudden the video stopped and it started making this awful noise! It was a bomb, I’m sure of it! I threw it out in the front yard and I’ve already called the police to send the bomb squad!”

    Coworker: *unable to hide the fact that he’s now laughing* “You… you called the bomb squad?!”

    Customer: “Yes! I wasn’t sure if I should throw it outside or into the toilet!”

    Coworker: “No! You don’t want to throw it into the toilet! Is the tablet still in the yard?”

    Customer: “Of course! The bomb squad hasn’t come yet!”

    Coworker: “Can you go outside and grab the tablet for me? I promise it won’t blow up. It’s just frozen. We can fix it.”

    Customer: “I don’t know… Okay, I guess. If you’re sure.”

    (There is the sound of a frozen tablet glitching on a video gets loud as she goes outside.)

    Customer: “See! You can hear it! It’s going to explode!”

    Coworker: *struggling not to laugh directly at the customer* “No, ma’am, I assure you it’s not. Go ahead and pick it up and press the power button for me, then hold it down.”

    Customer:  ”It turned off! The screen is off! It’s going to blow!”

    Coworker: “No, ma’am, we just turned it off. Go ahead and turn it back on for me again?”

    Customer: “Oh… now it’s working. Thanks!” *click*

    Only Generating Contempt

    | UK | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Technology

    (I work for an IT company that provides 24 hour support for several big buildings. As you can imagine it gets very quiet at night with a lot of down time. The only problem is that the calls come from customers who, putting it kindly, don’t have social skills. I received a call around three am.)

    Me: “Welcome to [Company] support desk. You are speaking to [My Name]. How can I help you this morning?”

    Customer: “Hi, this is [Location]. None of our computers are working, our servers are all down, and our phone lines. Everything is down and we need it back up and running in the next ten minutes or I will be forced to have you fired.”

    Me: *concerned and shocked* “How many computers are affected and how many phones are affected?”

    Customer: “ALL OF THEM. About fifty computers and the same amount of phones are not working. You have nine and a half minutes to get it working.”

    Me: *now disinterested* “How many people are working in the building right now?”

    Customer: “There is me, two security guards, and a couple of men replacing the generators. That’s nine minutes.”

    Me: “Sir, silly question but I have to ask this but has the power been turned off to the building by the engineers working on site?”

    (The customer started breathing heavily down the phone, leaving the building and walking outside. I could hear the customer start shouting to the engineer to turn on the power while using a curse word every chance he could. I could hear in the distance the workmen stop what they were doing, obvious not liking being called offensive names, and start chasing after the man down the street. The man while out of breath asked for me to call the cops as his life was in danger. I hung up and went back to sleep.)

    Email Fail

    | England, UK | Extra Stupid, Technology

    (A customer has called during our peak morning hours. As all our technicians are busy, he leaves a message saying he cannot log in to his computer. I phone the customer, who is out on the road.)

    Me: “Hi, [Customer]. It’s [My Name] from [Company]. I understand you can’t get into your computer?”

    Customer: “Yes. I go into my emails and it doesn’t work.”

    Me: “Okay so you can get into your computer but not your emails?”

    Customer: “Yes.”

    Me: “Okay, so it prompts you for the password but won’t log in?”

    Customer: “That’s right.”

    Me: “Unfortunately you have to speak to [Email Provider] as they host your emails. I have no access to their systems.”

    Customer: “Ah, okay. Do you have a number for them?”

    Me: “Certainly, it’s—”

    Customer: “Can you email it to me?”

    Me: “…”