Logged Too Many Logins

| England, UK | Extra Stupid, Technology

(This happens far too regularly.)

Me: “Hello, [Company]. How may I help?”

Customer: “Hello I would like to know how to [generic query].”

Me: “Okay, from [screen], open [other screen], and select [option].”

Customer: “Oh, hang on. Let me get to a computer and log in.”

An Unhappy Meal

| NV, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

(The majority of my calls tend to come from the technologically deficient users attempting to access our online banking site.)

Caller: “I can’t get into your website. Are you having problems?”

Me: *verifies website is working normally* “No, ma’am, our website appears to be working just fine. There might be an issue with your computer. What web browser are you using?”

Caller: “McDonald’s.”

Me: “Pardon me, but did you say McDonald’s?”

Caller: “Yes.”

Me: “Are you using the Internet at McDonald’s?”

Caller: “Of course, that is what I just told you.”

Me: “Okay, but I need to know what program you are using to get onto our website.”

Caller: “I already told you. I’m using McDonald’s.”

Me: “I understand you are using their Internet access, but I need to know what program you are using. Could it be Internet Explorer, Firefox, Google Chrome, or Opera?”

Caller: *in a rather desperate tone* “I already told you. I’m using McDonald’s.”

Me: “I understand. What does the icon that you clicked on look like? Is it a blue ‘E’ with a gold halo?”

Caller: “How would I know that?”

Me: “Look on your desktop and…”

Caller: “How many times do I have to tell you that I’m at McDonald’s?”

Me: “Ma’am, the desktop is what you see when you turn the computer on.”

(This conversation went on for 20 minutes before we finally figured out she was using Internet Explorer. The issue was that her Java was out of date. Way out of date. Talking her through updating Java took an additional 15 minutes. After the conversation, I walked into my boss’s office and informed him that I qualified for hazard pay.)

Missed Out On The iFad

| UK | Extra Stupid, Technology

Me: “[Support], how can I help?”

Customer: “My iPad won’t connect to the wifi in the hotel!”

Me: “Okay, any error messages?”

Customer: “Nope.”

Me: “Okay, I need your MAC address to see if you’re associated with our network. Go to settings/general/wifi address.”

Customer: “I don’t have general.”

Me: “Okay, you should have. Settings/general. Fourth option down?”

Customer: “No, not there.”

Me: “What have you got?”

Customer: “Settings/more networks.”

Me: “You sure it’s an iPad?”

Customer: “Yes, it’s got Samsung on the back!”

Time To Take A Screenshot In The Dark

| Europe | Extra Stupid, Technology

(Our tech support department has just sent out an email with instructions on how to configure something, complete with screenshots. I overhear the colleague next to me receiving a support call.)

Colleague: “Hello, this is tech support. How can I help you?”

Colleague: “Yes, you have to follow these instructions.”

Colleague: “You see that dialog box?”

Colleague: “Great, click the okay button!”

Colleague: “What do you mean, nothing happens?”

Colleague: “You should really see that other screen after clicking okay on that dialog box!”

Colleague: “You do see the dialog box, right?”

Colleague: “Good, and you do click okay on it, right?”

(After about 15 minutes of trying to figure it out, I see my colleague doing a double face-palm and trying hard not to laugh.)

Colleague: “Okay, so it works now?”

Colleague: “Great, thank you for calling! Have a nice day!”

Me: “So what was the problem?”

Colleague: “You’ll never guess… the person was clicking the screenshot!”

Urgently Divergent

| Canada | Crazy Requests, Technology

Client: “Hi, I just submitted a new ticket. It’s very urgent so please make it your top priority.”

Me: “I’ve got about six tickets from you, and most of them are marked urgent. Which one do you want me to work on first?”

Client: “All of them.”

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