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    Needs To Learn Copy-Right And Wrong

    | Seattle, WA, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Family & Kids, Themed Giveaway, Top

    (We get reports from various companies for copyright infringement. When we do, the customer gets a note on their account. We call them, letting them know they’ve been caught and request that they stop. I had called this customer a week before and they informed me that they had an unprotected wireless point that they would secure. They have another notification, so I call them back.)

    Me: “Hello, this is [company name] again. We spoke last week.”

    Customer: “I remember; we’ve replaced the router and added a password to our wifi as of last weekend. It should be fixed.”

    Me: “Well, I’m sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but we got another infringement notice yesterday.”

    Customer: “How is that possible?”

    Me: “I’m not sure; maybe you’re downloading something you don’t—”

    Customer: “We don’t download anything here!”

    Me: “I understand sir, but maybe we should check out the notice and see what is being downloaded?”

    Customer: “Okay, sure. But I’m telling you, I’m not downloading anything illegal.”

    Me: *pulls up the notice* “Umm… sir. It says here the content in question is rather… adult in nature.”

    Customer: “What?”

    (I read off the long, clearly niche pornographic title. I earn some looks from my co-workers.)

    Customer: “I am a good Christian father! I would never risk my marriage or my faith for pornography, especially not that perverted stuff. I can’t believe you’d accuse me of being a freak like that!”

    Me: “Sir, you said ‘father’. You wouldn’t by chance happen to have a son, would you?”

    Customer: “…yes.”

    Me: “He… wouldn’t by chance happen to have his own computer in his room, would he?”

    Customer: “Not anymore, thank you.”

    (Bodily) Equipment Malfunctions

    | New Zealand | Technology

    (The modems we supply customers with have a light that has “PPP” written next to it. Customers often call up when their internet is down and tell us that their PPP light is off.)

    Me: “Hi, thank you for calling [ISP]. How may I assist you?”

    Customer: *distressed* “My PP is not working!”

    Me: “Sorry?”

    Customer: “Something is wrong with my PP!”

    From Boob Tube To Boob Tubes

    | Pittsburgh, PA, USA |

    (In 1994, I worked at one of the first ISPs in the world. Customers have heard a lot about the internet, but in the days before Google, they sometimes had a hard time finding exactly what they wanted.)

    Female coworker: “Hey, I have a guy on line 1 who is asking to talk to a male.”

    Me: “What? That’s insane. What does he want?”

    Female coworker: “I have no idea, but he’s really insistent on talking to a guy.”

    Me: “Okay, I’ll take it.” *picks up phone* “Thank you for calling. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “Yeah, I…uh…have a question and, um…I wanted to talk to another guy about it, if ya know…”

    Me: “What is your question, sir?”

    Customer: “Well, I’m on the Internet and I’m looking for something. I can’t find it.”

    Me: “I understand. What are you looking for?”

    Customer: “Uh…well…where the h*** are the boobies?”

    Wireless, Clueless, Hopeless, Part 7

    | West Bath, ME, USA |

    (A customer is calling to complain. Whenever he connects to the internet, he receives a ‘no dial tone’ message.)

    Me: “Is your phone cord plugged into the modem?”

    Caller: “Wait a second. Yeah, it’s plugged in.”

    Me: “Is your phone cord plugged into the wall?”

    Caller: “Wait a second. Yeah, it’s plugged in to the wall.”

    Me: “Well, I’m not sure what it is. You should be able to connect to the internet.”

    Caller: “Do they both have to be plugged in at the same time?”

    Related:
    Wireless Clueless & Hopeless, Part 6
    Wireless Clueless & Hopeless, Part 5
    Wireless Clueless & Hopeless, Part 4
    Wireless Clueless & Hopeless, Part 3
    Wireless Clueless & Hopeless, Part 2
    Wireless Clueless & Hopeless

    Deep Pockets

    | Kansas, USA | Top

    Customer: “I’d like to buy the Internet, please.”

    Sales: “The whole thing?”


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