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  • Directionless Wireless

    | Sheffield, England, UK | Extra Stupid, Technology

    (I work in technical support for an ISP. During a call with a customer the following conversation transpired.)

    Customer: “Your router isn’t very good is it? I can only get wireless signal downstairs.”

    Me: “Well, it is a very basic router. Is your house fairly old, as in having rather thick walls and ceilings?”

    Customer: “That’s right.”

    Me: “That would be why. The signal is struggling to get through. You can always look into a more powerful router or a booster, maybe?”

    Customer: “But… I don’t understand. I leave the door open so it can get upstairs.”

    Wireless, Clueless And Hopeless, Part 15

    | Sweden | Extra Stupid, Technology

    (The ISP I work for recently made a drive about their new modem. It is marketed as being the easiest wireless system on the market. Unfortunately, the system isn’t that great and I have received 27 calls that day alone about malfunctioning modems.)

    Me: “Hi, and welcome to [Company]. My name is [My Name]. How may I be of service?”

    Caller: “The s*** you guys sold to me a while back isn’t working.”

    Me: “That is very unfortunate, but thankfully I am here to help you. Name and address, please?

    (She tells me her name and address and I check her history.)

    Me: “It seems you have had our system for at least a month. Did it stop working just now?”

    Caller: “That’s right. I’ve had it for a month, but I only started using it this morning and it doesn’t work at all.”

    Me: “Then could you please tell me which lights are shining on the front of your modem?”

    (The most common mistake is that the customer hasn’t switched on the wifi on the modem.)

    Caller: “None, of course.”

    Me: “Not even the power light at the top?”

    Caller: “Should it?”

    Me: “Yes. Please verify that the power cable is plugged into the modem.”

    Caller: “What cable? Isn’t this supposed to be wireless?”

    Me: *awkward silence* “Well…”

    Caller: “What the f***? Are you telling me that your ads are straight-up lying to me?”

    Me: “What is meant by wireless is that you don’t need to connect your computer to the modem. Can you please attach your modem to the wall socket by the cable provided?”

    Caller: “Are you a f****** idiot? I threw away all cables! I mean, I thought you sent them by mistake!”

    Me: *somewhat taken aback* “And it didn’t occur to you that electronics run on electricity?”

    Caller: “I WANT A REFUND! YOU PEOPLE LIED TO ME!”

    Me: “You are on a contract that will last for another three years and since more than two weeks has passed since it was bought, you can’t.”

    Caller: “YOU F****** LYING PIECE OF GODD*** C***-S***!”

    Me: “But since you obviously are quite upset I will transfer you to the cancellation department so you may sort it out with them. Have a nice day.”

    (I transfer her call to our cancellation department. The last thing I hear is the queue voice going: ‘You are on place… one-hundred and… eighty… seven. Estimated waiting time is… two-hundred and… fifty… five minutes…’)

    Related:
    Wireless, Clueless, And Hopeless, Part 14
    Wireless, Clueless, And Hopeless, Part 13
    Wireless, Clueless, And Hopeless, Part 12

    Upgrade Degrade

    | USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

    (I work at a web hosting company where we have several levels of packages. Customer is currently on a server with hundreds of others and is trying to set up an account with a username that is already taken.)

    Customer: “I can’t use this username; it says it’s already in use.”

    Me: “Let me take a look and see what’s going on.”

    (I check. Sure enough, someone else on the server is using the username already.)

    Me: “I do apologize, but there is someone on the server already using that username. You will have to use another.”

    Customer: “I guess I’ll just have to upgrade to a dedicated server.”

    (A dedicated is a server with no other users, but is also 10 times the price.)

    Me: “You don’t have to upgrade. Simply use another username. You can always just add a 1 to the end of it, that will work.”

    Customer: “No, thanks. I knew I’d have to upgrade eventually.”

    Me: “No problem. Was there anything else I could do for you today?”

    Customer: “Let me talk to your manager. I can’t believe you’re making me upgrade! This is ridiculous!”

    Any Data Port In A Storm

    | Gulf Shores, AL, USA | Bizarre, Technology

    (It is shortly after a Hurricane Katrina. We caught some heavy winds and high water. The customer is in a beach-front condo. Tier one customer support has just forwarded me this customer’s ticket and call.)

    Me: “This is tier three support. How may I help you?”

    Customer: “I have a really dumb question.”

    Me: “That’s okay. I work in IT. I’m used it them.”

    Customer: “Okay. I’m in [Condo] and there’s no power. My laptop has a good battery though. Is my internet out because of the power outage?”

    Me: “Yes. Our equipment is tied into the building power. Can I ask how you’re in [Condo]? The entire first floor is blown out and under water.”

    Customer: “I stayed here during the storm. Dumbest thing I’ve ever done. I’m trapped and bored.”

    Me: “Do you need me to contact rescue?”

    Customer: “Oh, no. Thank you. They know I’m here. I waved to them this morning.”

    (I talked to the customer for another hour because neither of us were busy. I wonder how long he was trapped there. Our service didn’t restore for at least three weeks.)

    Future Technology

    | Toronto, ON, Canada | Awesome Customers, Geeks Rule, Technology

    Me: “Hi, my name is [name]; thank you for calling [company]. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “Hi, I’m calling because my internet is, uh, working… again. Huh.”

    Me: “Well, I am prescient. I do usually try fix the problems before people call, but I am running behind today.”

    Customer: “Dude, that’s awesome. Keep it up.”

    (Later, we get an email about how “the tech who can see the future” should get a raise.)

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