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  • His Attitude Speaks Volumes
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    Upgrade Degrade

    | USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

    (I work at a web hosting company where we have several levels of packages. Customer is currently on a server with hundreds of others and is trying to set up an account with a username that is already taken.)

    Customer: “I can’t use this username; it says it’s already in use.”

    Me: “Let me take a look and see what’s going on.”

    (I check. Sure enough, someone else on the server is using the username already.)

    Me: “I do apologize, but there is someone on the server already using that username. You will have to use another.”

    Customer: “I guess I’ll just have to upgrade to a dedicated server.”

    (A dedicated is a server with no other users, but is also 10 times the price.)

    Me: “You don’t have to upgrade. Simply use another username. You can always just add a 1 to the end of it, that will work.”

    Customer: “No, thanks. I knew I’d have to upgrade eventually.”

    Me: “No problem. Was there anything else I could do for you today?”

    Customer: “Let me talk to your manager. I can’t believe you’re making me upgrade! This is ridiculous!”

    Any Data Port In A Storm

    | Gulf Shores, AL, USA | Bizarre, Technology

    (It is shortly after a Hurricane Katrina. We caught some heavy winds and high water. The customer is in a beach-front condo. Tier one customer support has just forwarded me this customer’s ticket and call.)

    Me: “This is tier three support. How may I help you?”

    Customer: “I have a really dumb question.”

    Me: “That’s okay. I work in IT. I’m used it them.”

    Customer: “Okay. I’m in [Condo] and there’s no power. My laptop has a good battery though. Is my internet out because of the power outage?”

    Me: “Yes. Our equipment is tied into the building power. Can I ask how you’re in [Condo]? The entire first floor is blown out and under water.”

    Customer: “I stayed here during the storm. Dumbest thing I’ve ever done. I’m trapped and bored.”

    Me: “Do you need me to contact rescue?”

    Customer: “Oh, no. Thank you. They know I’m here. I waved to them this morning.”

    (I talked to the customer for another hour because neither of us were busy. I wonder how long he was trapped there. Our service didn’t restore for at least three weeks.)

    Future Technology

    | Toronto, ON, Canada | Awesome Customers, Geeks Rule, Technology

    Me: “Hi, my name is [name]; thank you for calling [company]. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “Hi, I’m calling because my internet is, uh, working… again. Huh.”

    Me: “Well, I am prescient. I do usually try fix the problems before people call, but I am running behind today.”

    Customer: “Dude, that’s awesome. Keep it up.”

    (Later, we get an email about how “the tech who can see the future” should get a raise.)

    No Insight To Get The Right Site

    | Australia | Extra Stupid, Money

    (The company I work for has a competitor with a similar name.)

    Me: “Welcome to [my company], this is [name].”

    Caller: “Yeah, hi, I need you to cancel my automatic billing.”

    Me: “Well, sir, for security reasons we don’t store your payment information, so we don’t do automatic billing. Are you sure the charge is from us? What does it say on your statement?”

    Caller: “It says [competitor name].”

    Me: “I see. I’m sorry, sir, but that is a different company. You have called [my company]. You will need to call [competitor] if you want to cancel your automatic billing.”

    Caller: “But on the site it says to call this number for assistance!”

    Me: “Yes, on our site, it does. But you are not a customer of our site. You need to go to [competitor]‘s site to contact them, or I can give you their number.”

    Caller: “Look, I just want to cancel my automatic billing!”

    Me: “Yes, sir, I understand, but we are a completely separate company. [Competitor] is not associated with us in any way. You will need to call them if you need help.”

    Caller: “Why won’t you help me? Just cancel my automatic billing!”

    Me: “Sir, the only help I can offer you is to give you [competitor]‘s phone number so you can call them. I can’t cancel your account with us, as you are not a customer.”

    Caller: “I got the number off the site! It’s the number I called! Why won’t you help me?”

    Me: “Sir, as I already explained, you are looking at the wrong site. You will need to visit [competitor]‘s site, or I can give you their number. We are not associated with them at all.”

    Caller: “Fine, I’ll just dispute the payment! I’ll get you shut down!”

    Very Wrong About Being Right

    | IA, USA | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests

    (An irate caller is complaining about a billing problem that has been previously resolved by our billing specialists. He has received $50 in credits, but they will not apply until the next invoice is printed. At this time, we cannot edit already-printed invoices. The customer has been made aware of this twice per my co-workers’ notes. He does not want to wait.)

    Me: “Sir, you have been given the credits, but as you have been advised—”

    Caller: “I don’t care what I was told! Not by you, or your workers, or your managers or whoever! You are going to apply the f****** credits! The customer is always right!”

    b>Me: “I understand that you’re upset about our crediting system, but please refrain from using profanity.”

    Caller: “F*** you! The customer is always right!”

    Me: “If you continue to use profanity, I will have to end the call.” Caller: “The customer is always right!”

    Me: “Sir, we have no way—”

    Caller: “I AM THE CUSTOMER. AM. I. RIGHT?”

    Me: “No.”

    (There is a significant pause.)

    Caller: “I want your supervisor.”

    Me: “I can do that for you, but they will tell you the same thing.”

    Caller: “I want your supervisor!”

    (I get one of my supervisors, and transfer the customer over. The caller screams “THE CUSTOMER IS ALWAYS RIGHT!” at him for 15 minutes, and then hangs up.)


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