(I work at an all-night internet cafe. We get a few customers come in late at night to watch adult movies. One night, I get a phone call along these lines.)
Caller: “Hi, do you have webcams I can use?”
Me: “Yes, we do.”
Caller: “What about tissues?”
Me: “Sorry, what was that?”
Caller: *muffled laughter* “Tissues. Do you guys have tissues?”
Me: *catching on* “Yes, sir…but you have to bring your own Vaseline.”

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(I’ve set up an elderly customer up with a paid public computer to use.)
Customer: “How do I get to my email?”
Me: “Who is your account with?”
Customer: “I don’t know. Who?”
Me: “You don’t know?”
Customer: “The email account doesn’t come with the computer?”

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Customer: “So it says ‘message sent’…does that mean it’s been sent?”
Me: “Yep.”
Customer: “Oh okay. So they should receive that, then?”
Me: “Yep.”
Customer: “Okay. And I mean, if they received it, will they get back to me right away?”
Me: “Well, it depends how long it takes them.”
Customer: “Oh. So how do I know if it’s sent?”
Me: “It says ‘message sent’ on the screen.”
Customer: “Oh okay. So when should I expect a reply?”
Me: “…”
(Unfortunately, this isn’t the first time this routine has been carried out, with the same person.)

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