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    Two’s Company, Three’s A Bargain

    | Glasgow, Scotland |

    Caller: *on the phone* “I’d like a quote to insure 2 cars. Do I get a discount if it’s for 2 cars?”

    Me: “Yes, as long as they’re registered at the same address.”

    Caller: “OK, first I need a quote for my wife’s car.”

    (I run through the details and tell him the price.)

    Caller: “OK, now I need a quote for my girlfriend’s car.”

    Me: “Er…OK.”

    Caller: “Do I get a discount on the second one, then?”

    Me: “Only if they’re registered at the same address.”

    Caller: “OK.”

    Me: *confused* “Do your wife and your girlfriend live at the same address?”

    Caller: “What do you think I am? Stupid?”

    Also seen on: Not Always Romantic

    What’s A Few Years Hard Labor Anyway

    , | Minneapolis, MN, USA |

    (Note: I work in the call center of a major insurance company.)

    Customer: “I just received this form…what does it mean?”

    Me: “That is letting you know how much interest income you received last year that we reported to the IRS.”

    Customer: “But, I don’t want the IRS to know!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but we’re legally obligated to report that information to the IRS.”

    Customer: “Do you do everything the government tells you to?!”

    Me: “Umm…yes?”

    Blood Pressure Go Up, Blood Pressure Go Down

    , | St. Louis, MO, USA |

    (I’m calling to clarify information on a form this guy sent in.)

    Caller: “Do you realize I’m on the ‘Do Not Call During Dinner’ list!?”

    Me: “Sir, I’m sorry that–”

    Caller: “You f***ing insurance agents! Do you realize that [another insurance company] totally f***ed me over?! Do you realize how much money they cost me? Those f***ing guys got put in jail and now I have to pay more money!”

    Me: “Sir, this has nothing to do with–”

    Caller: “I do not like being sold things during dinner!”

    Me: “Sir, I am not trying to sell you anything–”

    Caller: “All you f***ing insurance people just want to roll me over and sodomize me!”

    Me: “Sir, this is on behalf of your existing company, and it’s regarding a form you yourself sent in. I have it in front of me now and I just had a few questions.”

    Caller: *totally friendly* “Oh! Well, why didn’t you say so?”

    No Wonder We’re In A Financial Meltdown

    , | United Kingdom |

    (I sell insurance. Sometimes, bank managers will ring up with customers who are in the bank. In this case, the bank lady was doing all the talking because the woman was partly deaf.)

    Me: “Good morning, *** insurance, how can I help you?”

    Bank manager: “I’m with a lady who’d like a quote, please.”

    Me: “Yup, no problem. Could I speak to her briefly?”

    (I talk to the customer and get her permission for the bank manager to do the quote with her details.)

    Me: “Okay, can I take her surname, please?”

    Bank manager: “My surname or hers?”

    Me: “Hers, please…” *she gives it* “… and her date of birth?”

    Bank manager: “Mine, or hers?”

    Me: “Hers…” *she gives it* “… okay, and her postcode.”

    Bank manager: “Why do you want my postcode?”

    Me: “I don’t. I want her postcode. It’s her policy, so I need her details.”

    (You get the general idea. This continued, right up until the very end of the insurance quote.)

    Me: “So, the price for the year is ***.”

    Bank manager: “I’d have to pay that?!”

    Me: “…”

    Darwin Called, He Wants His Prehensile Thumb Back

    , | Phoenix, AZ, USA |

    Me: “Thank you for holding. I hear you need some help getting your car opened?”

    Caller: “Yeah, my battery went dead and so I can’t get my doors open!”

    Me: “Did you lock your keys in your car?”

    Caller: “No, it’s just that I have electronic locks, and the battery is dead so I can’t get the doors open!”

    Me: “Um, did you try to open the door manually?”

    Caller: “How do I do that? ”

    Me: “You stick your key into the door lock on the outside of the door. Turn it and it should unlock.”

    Caller: “OH! YOU CAN DO THAT?!”

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