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    It Was All Just A Blur

    | Portland, OR, USA |

    Me: “Alright, ma’am, have had any accidents or violations in the last three years?”

    Customer: “I don’t know.”

    Me: “Well, do you remember getting pulled over for any reason?”

    Customer: “I already told you, I don’t know. Now, how much is the insurance?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but before I could know what the rate is, I have to know what your driving history is.”

    Customer: “What does it matter? Just throw on a speeding ticket or two and call it a day!”

    Me: “Okay. I can do that, but just keep in mind that the quote is only based on the information you provide. If your motor vehicle record comes back different, that could drastically affect the rate.”

    Customer: “Yeah, yeah, yeah. What is it?”

    Me: “It comes out to $106 a month.”

    Customer: “Fine! I’ll take it.”

    (I then go to run the reports since she is ready to purchase the policy and find out she has had 2 DUIs in the past 3 years, 2 speeding tickets, one accident, and a suspended license.

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but the rate is now $486 a month. I would have been able to give you a more accurate quote if I knew about the DUIs.”

    Customer: “Oh. Well, I thought you just meant speeding tickets. I didn’t realize that DUIs counted. I mean, I wasn’t even speeding when I got them!”

    Two’s Company, Three’s A Bargain

    | Glasgow, Scotland |

    Caller: *on the phone* “I’d like a quote to insure 2 cars. Do I get a discount if it’s for 2 cars?”

    Me: “Yes, as long as they’re registered at the same address.”

    Caller: “OK, first I need a quote for my wife’s car.”

    (I run through the details and tell him the price.)

    Caller: “OK, now I need a quote for my girlfriend’s car.”

    Me: “Er…OK.”

    Caller: “Do I get a discount on the second one, then?”

    Me: “Only if they’re registered at the same address.”

    Caller: “OK.”

    Me: *confused* “Do your wife and your girlfriend live at the same address?”

    Caller: “What do you think I am? Stupid?”

    Also seen on: Not Always Romantic

    What’s A Few Years Hard Labor Anyway

    , | Minneapolis, MN, USA |

    (Note: I work in the call center of a major insurance company.)

    Customer: “I just received this form…what does it mean?”

    Me: “That is letting you know how much interest income you received last year that we reported to the IRS.”

    Customer: “But, I don’t want the IRS to know!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but we’re legally obligated to report that information to the IRS.”

    Customer: “Do you do everything the government tells you to?!”

    Me: “Umm…yes?”

    Blood Pressure Go Up, Blood Pressure Go Down

    , | St. Louis, MO, USA |

    (I’m calling to clarify information on a form this guy sent in.)

    Caller: “Do you realize I’m on the ‘Do Not Call During Dinner’ list!?”

    Me: “Sir, I’m sorry that–”

    Caller: “You f***ing insurance agents! Do you realize that [another insurance company] totally f***ed me over?! Do you realize how much money they cost me? Those f***ing guys got put in jail and now I have to pay more money!”

    Me: “Sir, this has nothing to do with–”

    Caller: “I do not like being sold things during dinner!”

    Me: “Sir, I am not trying to sell you anything–”

    Caller: “All you f***ing insurance people just want to roll me over and sodomize me!”

    Me: “Sir, this is on behalf of your existing company, and it’s regarding a form you yourself sent in. I have it in front of me now and I just had a few questions.”

    Caller: *totally friendly* “Oh! Well, why didn’t you say so?”

    No Wonder We’re In A Financial Meltdown

    , | United Kingdom |

    (I sell insurance. Sometimes, bank managers will ring up with customers who are in the bank. In this case, the bank lady was doing all the talking because the woman was partly deaf.)

    Me: “Good morning, *** insurance, how can I help you?”

    Bank manager: “I’m with a lady who’d like a quote, please.”

    Me: “Yup, no problem. Could I speak to her briefly?”

    (I talk to the customer and get her permission for the bank manager to do the quote with her details.)

    Me: “Okay, can I take her surname, please?”

    Bank manager: “My surname or hers?”

    Me: “Hers, please…” *she gives it* “… and her date of birth?”

    Bank manager: “Mine, or hers?”

    Me: “Hers…” *she gives it* “… okay, and her postcode.”

    Bank manager: “Why do you want my postcode?”

    Me: “I don’t. I want her postcode. It’s her policy, so I need her details.”

    (You get the general idea. This continued, right up until the very end of the insurance quote.)

    Me: “So, the price for the year is ***.”

    Bank manager: “I’d have to pay that?!”

    Me: “…”


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