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  • Why Bikers Never Go By The Book

    | Spartanburg, SC, USA |

    Me: “Thank you for calling [company]. How may I help you?”

    Customer: “Yes, I’d like to get a quote on some motorcycle insurance?”

    Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. We are currently only writing personal auto. We are in the process of changing companies and should be able to write it soon.”

    Customer: “Wait, what?”

    Me: “We are only able to write personal auto insurance to insure a vehicle, not motorcycles.”

    Customer: “Well, it says very clearly in the phone book that you guys do motorcycle insurance.”

    Me: “We used to but at the current moment we don’t. We will be able to do so soon.”

    Customer: “Well, why don’t you guys take it out of the phone book then?”

    Me: “You mean, why don’t we take it out of last year’s phone book?”

    Customer: “Uh, yeah!” *hangs up*

    Not Exactly Driving Home His Point

    | Syracuse, NY, USA |

    Me: “Thank you for calling [insurance company]. May I have your name please?”

    Customer: “My bill is too high. I don’t understand why I owe you so much money. I took a bunch of stuff off my policy to lower my bill.”

    Me: “Well I’m sorry to hear you are having a hard time. Give me just one moment to review your policy.”

    (I place him on hold for a minute and see that the 19 year old kid has received two speeding tickets in less than three months.)

    Me: “I see the reason for the increase is that you received two speeding tickets the second half of last year that is impacting your premium.”

    Customer: “Fine! Then I request cancellation!”

    Me: “Ok. I’ll need to get you in touch with your local agent so that they can assist you with replacing the policy. Let me give you the number in case I lose you in the transfer.”

    Customer: “Well give me a minute. You are going to have to talk slowly. I’m driving down the road and need to write this down.”

    Booze Is Blamed When There Is No Proof

    | Australia |

    Caller: “Why has my insurance been canceled?”

    Me: “Well, it looks like you have made 6 car claims in the last 4 months.”

    Caller: “Yeah, I had some accidents.”

    Me: “That is why we can no longer insure you. It’s written in our policy statements.”

    Caller: “Bull! None of those accidents were my fault!”

    Me: “It says here, that you drove the vehicle into a tree twiceand the oth–”

    Caller: “Like I said, it wasn’t MY fault! It was the alcohol’s fault!”

    No Ifs, Ends, Or Butts

    , | Kansas City, MO, USA |

    Me: “Thank you for calling [insurance company]. How may I help you?”

    Customer: “Yes. I need to know if my insurance covers a butt indent.”

    Me: “I’m sorry…could you say that again?”

    Customer: “I need to know if my car insurance covers a butt indent. There’s one on the hood of my car. What is that covered under and how much is my deductible?”

    Me: “Um…do you know how it got there?”

    Customer: “No. It looks like a small butt, though.”

    Me: “Well, I can’t tell you what it would be covered under until I know how it got there. Do you know if it was the result of a collision or not?”

    Customer: “What?”

    Me: “You have two different deductibles for your comprehensive coverage and your collision coverage. Do you know how the…butt ended up there? ”

    Customer: “No, but it’s a small butt on the hood of my car!”

    Me: “Well, your comprehensive deductible is $250 and your collision is $500. Would you like me to submit a claim and let the claim adjuster handle it from here?”

    Customer: “Oh no! I don’t want to make a claim. I was just wondering if it would be covered if I wanted to file one. Thanks!” *hangs up*

    It Was All Just A Blur

    | Portland, OR, USA |

    Me: “Alright, ma’am, have had any accidents or violations in the last three years?”

    Customer: “I don’t know.”

    Me: “Well, do you remember getting pulled over for any reason?”

    Customer: “I already told you, I don’t know. Now, how much is the insurance?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but before I could know what the rate is, I have to know what your driving history is.”

    Customer: “What does it matter? Just throw on a speeding ticket or two and call it a day!”

    Me: “Okay. I can do that, but just keep in mind that the quote is only based on the information you provide. If your motor vehicle record comes back different, that could drastically affect the rate.”

    Customer: “Yeah, yeah, yeah. What is it?”

    Me: “It comes out to $106 a month.”

    Customer: “Fine! I’ll take it.”

    (I then go to run the reports since she is ready to purchase the policy and find out she has had 2 DUIs in the past 3 years, 2 speeding tickets, one accident, and a suspended license.

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but the rate is now $486 a month. I would have been able to give you a more accurate quote if I knew about the DUIs.”

    Customer: “Oh. Well, I thought you just meant speeding tickets. I didn’t realize that DUIs counted. I mean, I wasn’t even speeding when I got them!”

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