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    Booze Is Blamed When There Is No Proof

    | Australia |

    Caller: “Why has my insurance been canceled?”

    Me: “Well, it looks like you have made 6 car claims in the last 4 months.”

    Caller: “Yeah, I had some accidents.”

    Me: “That is why we can no longer insure you. It’s written in our policy statements.”

    Caller: “Bull! None of those accidents were my fault!”

    Me: “It says here, that you drove the vehicle into a tree twiceand the oth–”

    Caller: “Like I said, it wasn’t MY fault! It was the alcohol’s fault!”

    No Ifs, Ends, Or Butts

    , | Kansas City, MO, USA |

    Me: “Thank you for calling [insurance company]. How may I help you?”

    Customer: “Yes. I need to know if my insurance covers a butt indent.”

    Me: “I’m sorry…could you say that again?”

    Customer: “I need to know if my car insurance covers a butt indent. There’s one on the hood of my car. What is that covered under and how much is my deductible?”

    Me: “Um…do you know how it got there?”

    Customer: “No. It looks like a small butt, though.”

    Me: “Well, I can’t tell you what it would be covered under until I know how it got there. Do you know if it was the result of a collision or not?”

    Customer: “What?”

    Me: “You have two different deductibles for your comprehensive coverage and your collision coverage. Do you know how the…butt ended up there? ”

    Customer: “No, but it’s a small butt on the hood of my car!”

    Me: “Well, your comprehensive deductible is $250 and your collision is $500. Would you like me to submit a claim and let the claim adjuster handle it from here?”

    Customer: “Oh no! I don’t want to make a claim. I was just wondering if it would be covered if I wanted to file one. Thanks!” *hangs up*

    It Was All Just A Blur

    | Portland, OR, USA |

    Me: “Alright, ma’am, have had any accidents or violations in the last three years?”

    Customer: “I don’t know.”

    Me: “Well, do you remember getting pulled over for any reason?”

    Customer: “I already told you, I don’t know. Now, how much is the insurance?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but before I could know what the rate is, I have to know what your driving history is.”

    Customer: “What does it matter? Just throw on a speeding ticket or two and call it a day!”

    Me: “Okay. I can do that, but just keep in mind that the quote is only based on the information you provide. If your motor vehicle record comes back different, that could drastically affect the rate.”

    Customer: “Yeah, yeah, yeah. What is it?”

    Me: “It comes out to $106 a month.”

    Customer: “Fine! I’ll take it.”

    (I then go to run the reports since she is ready to purchase the policy and find out she has had 2 DUIs in the past 3 years, 2 speeding tickets, one accident, and a suspended license.

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but the rate is now $486 a month. I would have been able to give you a more accurate quote if I knew about the DUIs.”

    Customer: “Oh. Well, I thought you just meant speeding tickets. I didn’t realize that DUIs counted. I mean, I wasn’t even speeding when I got them!”

    Two’s Company, Three’s A Bargain

    | Glasgow, Scotland |

    Caller: *on the phone* “I’d like a quote to insure 2 cars. Do I get a discount if it’s for 2 cars?”

    Me: “Yes, as long as they’re registered at the same address.”

    Caller: “OK, first I need a quote for my wife’s car.”

    (I run through the details and tell him the price.)

    Caller: “OK, now I need a quote for my girlfriend’s car.”

    Me: “Er…OK.”

    Caller: “Do I get a discount on the second one, then?”

    Me: “Only if they’re registered at the same address.”

    Caller: “OK.”

    Me: *confused* “Do your wife and your girlfriend live at the same address?”

    Caller: “What do you think I am? Stupid?”

    Also seen on: Not Always Romantic

    What’s A Few Years Hard Labor Anyway

    , | Minneapolis, MN, USA |

    (Note: I work in the call center of a major insurance company.)

    Customer: “I just received this form…what does it mean?”

    Me: “That is letting you know how much interest income you received last year that we reported to the IRS.”

    Customer: “But, I don’t want the IRS to know!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but we’re legally obligated to report that information to the IRS.”

    Customer: “Do you do everything the government tells you to?!”

    Me: “Umm…yes?”


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