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  • Talking At-At Cross Purposes
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    Brokers With Chokers

    , | Salt Lake City, UT, USA |

    (We sell all types of insurance, including bonds. I am on the phone to a customer.)

    Caller: “Do you guys do bondage there?”

    Me: “Yes, sir. However, the gentleman that handles that is all tied up at the moment.”

    Customer: “Oh. Haha. Um…yeah.”

    It’s Gonna Be A Long Call, Part 7

    , | Glasgow, Scotland, UK |

    Me: “Hello, you’re through to [insurance company]. How can I help?”

    Customer: “I need a quote for home insurance.”

    Me: “No problem. The quote can take up to 15 minutes. Do you have the time?”

    Customer: “Yes, it’s 11:15. Why?”

    Me: “Uh… what?”

    Customer: “It’s 11:15. Don’t you have a clock?”

    Related:
    It’s Gonna Be A Long Call, Part 6
    It’s Gonna Be A Long Call, Part 5
    It’s Gonna Be A Long Call, Part 4
    It’s Gonna Be A Long Call, Part 3
    It’s Gonna Be A Long Call, Part 2
    It’s Gonna Be A Long Call

    Their Policy’s Days Are Numbered

    | Phoenix, AZ, USA |

    Me: “Thank you for calling [insurance company]. How may I assist you?”

    Caller: “I have a question about my policy.”

    Me: “I can help you with that. Do you have your policy number?”

    (There’s a long pause. I can hear the ruffle of papers.)

    Caller: *shouting* “God d*** it!”

    Me: “I’ll take that as a ‘no’.

    Throw Your Claims Up At Me

    | UK | Funny Names, Language & Words

    (I am asking a customer if there were any independent witnesses to an accident. To make it clear, an independent witness is one not known previously to either party.)

    Me: “Were there any independent witnesses?”

    Customer: “Well, there was a 92 year old woman.”

    Me: “Excellent. Is she known to either party?”

    Customer: “Oh yes. I was taking her for her weekly shop at the time.”

    Me: “Right. Well, I don’t think we can class her as an independent witness but we can still take a statement if necessary.”

    Customer: “Oh, but she is independent! She lives by herself and does all her housework by herself! We only help out with taking her shopping because she can’t drive!”

    Pre(Car)ious Insurance, Part 4

    | New Orleans, LA, USA |

    Me: “Could I ask why you fled the scene of the accident, sir?”

    Customer: “’Because I didn’t have no insurance.”

    Me: “Wait, didn’t you say earlier that you were driving right now?”

    Customer: “Yes, sir.”

    Me: “…the vehicle from the accident?”

    Customer: “Yes, sir.”

    Me: “…with no insurance?”

    Customer: “What part of ‘Yes, sir,’ do you not understand!?”

    Related:
    Pre(Car)ious Insurance, Part 3
    Pre(Car)ious Insurance, Part 2
    Pre(Car)ious Insurance

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