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    Their Policy’s Days Are Numbered

    | Phoenix, AZ, USA |

    Me: “Thank you for calling [insurance company]. How may I assist you?”

    Caller: “I have a question about my policy.”

    Me: “I can help you with that. Do you have your policy number?”

    (There’s a long pause. I can hear the ruffle of papers.)

    Caller: *shouting* “God d*** it!”

    Me: “I’ll take that as a ‘no’.

    Throw Your Claims Up At Me

    | UK | Funny Names, Language & Words

    (I am asking a customer if there were any independent witnesses to an accident. To make it clear, an independent witness is one not known previously to either party.)

    Me: “Were there any independent witnesses?”

    Customer: “Well, there was a 92 year old woman.”

    Me: “Excellent. Is she known to either party?”

    Customer: “Oh yes. I was taking her for her weekly shop at the time.”

    Me: “Right. Well, I don’t think we can class her as an independent witness but we can still take a statement if necessary.”

    Customer: “Oh, but she is independent! She lives by herself and does all her housework by herself! We only help out with taking her shopping because she can’t drive!”

    Pre(Car)ious Insurance, Part 4

    | New Orleans, LA, USA |

    Me: “Could I ask why you fled the scene of the accident, sir?”

    Customer: “’Because I didn’t have no insurance.”

    Me: “Wait, didn’t you say earlier that you were driving right now?”

    Customer: “Yes, sir.”

    Me: “…the vehicle from the accident?”

    Customer: “Yes, sir.”

    Me: “…with no insurance?”

    Customer: “What part of ‘Yes, sir,’ do you not understand!?”

    Related:
    Pre(Car)ious Insurance, Part 3
    Pre(Car)ious Insurance, Part 2
    Pre(Car)ious Insurance

    Hawai’i Spell That

    | San Diego, USA |

    Customer: “I’d like to add my son to my policy.”

    Me: “Okay, what’s his full name as it appears on his license?”

    Customer: “Johnathan James Kai’hoalaloai’u Johnson.”

    Me: “Can I have you spell the middle name for me?”

    Customer: “Which one? He has two middle names.”

    Me: “Not James.”

    Customer: “K-a-i-h-o, um, a-l, wait. What did I say so far?”

    Ah, Mothers, Part 5

    | California, USA | Family & Kids

    Me: “Your vehicle is a total loss.”

    Customer: “My vehicle is in great condition!”

    Me: “It’s 14 years old and it costs more to repair your vehicle than it’s worth.”

    Customer: “Well, my son is 14 years old and he’s not falling apart!”

    Related:
    Ah, Mothers, Part 4
    Ah, Mothers, Part 3
    Ah, Mothers, Part 2
    Ah, Mothers


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