Me: “Thank you, sir. Now, if you could just sign your name on the line, and then write it regular on the line below…”

Customer: *signs his name and below it writes ‘regular’*

(We sell all types of insurance, including bonds. I am on the phone to a customer.)

Caller: “Do you guys do bondage there?”

Me: “Yes, sir. However, the gentleman that handles that is all tied up at the moment.”

Customer: “Oh. Haha. Um…yeah.”

Me: “Hello, you’re through to [insurance company]. How can I help?”

Customer: “I need a quote for home insurance.”

Me: “No problem. The quote can take up to 15 minutes. Do you have the time?”

Customer: “Yes, it’s 11:15. Why?”

Me: “Uh… what?”

Customer: “It’s 11:15. Don’t you have a clock?”

Related:
It’s Gonna Be A Long Call, Part 6
It’s Gonna Be A Long Call, Part 5
It’s Gonna Be A Long Call, Part 4
It’s Gonna Be A Long Call, Part 3
It’s Gonna Be A Long Call, Part 2
It’s Gonna Be A Long Call

Me: “Thank you for calling [insurance company]. How may I assist you?”

Caller: “I have a question about my policy.”

Me: “I can help you with that. Do you have your policy number?”

(There’s a long pause. I can hear the ruffle of papers.)

Caller: *shouting* “God d*** it!”

Me: “I’ll take that as a ‘no’.

(I am asking a customer if there were any independent witnesses to an accident. To make it clear, an independent witness is one not known previously to either party.)

Me: “Were there any independent witnesses?”

Customer: “Well, there was a 92 year old woman.”

Me: “Excellent. Is she known to either party?”

Customer: “Oh yes. I was taking her for her weekly shop at the time.”

Me: “Right. Well, I don’t think we can class her as an independent witness but we can still take a statement if necessary.”

Customer: “Oh, but she is independent! She lives by herself and does all her housework by herself! We only help out with taking her shopping because she can’t drive!”