(I get a lot of billing questions on the phone.)

Customer: *irately* “I need to know why my insurance was canceled at the end of July.”

(I look up his policy in our database.)

Me: “Sir, you haven’t paid your bill since May.”

Customer: “I have to pay my bill?”

Related:
Health Care(less), Part 2
Health Care(less)

(As part of my job, I have to call potential leads and obtain information so that we can give them a quote. I am on the phone with a customer and have just finished obtaining all of the information I need.)

Me: “That’s all the information I need. One of the agents will contact you within a few days and will send a copy of the quote to your email address.”

Customer: “What is your name?”

Me: “My name is Carolyn.”

Customer: “No. Your name is Carol-INE. Do you mind if I call you Caroline?”

Me: “Sure?”

Customer: “Thanks, Carol-INE! Have a good day!”

Related:
A Bozo By Any Other Name, Part 2
A Bozo By Any Other Name

(I’m working in the insurance field service. One of many things I have to deal with is containing damages on the telephone.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [insurance company]. How may I assist you?”

Customer: “My house is burning!”

Me: *confused* “Your house is burning?”

Customer: “My house is burning! What should I do?”

Me: “Have you called the fire department?”

Customer: “No, I thought the insurance wanted to see the damage before–” *disconnects*

Me: “Thank you for calling [company]. How may I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, I’d like to find out about getting life insurance for my sister.”

Me: “Okay, I can connect you with an agent.”

Customer: “Wait, I have a question.”

Me: “No problem, what is your question?”

Customer: “Well, my sister died two days ago. Is that going to make it more expensive?”

Related:
Zombies Need Retail Contractors Too
Zombies Need Retail Assistance Too
Zombies Need Tech Support Too
Zombies Need Healthcare Too
Zombies Need High Speed Internet Too

Me: “Thank you for calling [insurance company], how can I help you?”

Customer: “Do I still have insurance? Or am I cancelled?”

Me: “It looks like the policy cancelled last month due to non-payment.”

Customer: “Oh, no. Well, can I make a payment now?”

(I take payment for the customer.)

Customer: “Okay. I am going to hand you over to this police officer to verify that I now have insurance.”

(I speak with the officer and assure her the customer has made the payment and is now insured. The customer gets back on the phone.)

Customer: “So, I see all of this stuff on ‘safe driving discounts’ on TV. Do I qualify for that?”

Related:
Pre(Car)ious Insurance, Part 4
Pre(Car)ious Insurance, Part 3
Pre(Car)ious Insurance, Part 2
Pre(Car)ious Insurance