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    In The Patient Out Hole

    | Nottingham, England, UK | Health & Body

    Me: “Are you likely to receive any in-patient treatment in the next 3 months?”

    Caller: “No, I’m booked in for a colonoscopy, but that’ll just be an in and out!”

    (I had to put the customer on hold for a few moments whilst I composed myself!)

    The Lonely Star State

    | Spartanburg, SC, USA | Geography

    (I’m in the middle of explaining insurance coverages to a customer when I get to her roadside service information.)

    Me: “…and you also have on here a 24/7 nationwide roadside service that will take care of your towing and any locksmith charges.”

    Customer: “What is that?”

    Me: “What part, ma’am?”

    Customer: “24/7?”

    Me: “Oh, that means 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.”

    Customer: “Oh, and what does nationwide mean?”

    Me: “That means all over the US, in any state.”

    Customer: “Does that include Texas?”

    Me: “Yes, Texas is part of the United States.”

    Getting Your Fax Straight

    , | South Carolina, USA |

    Customer: “I was in an accident last week and the other guy was at fault. His insurance company has totaled my car out and wants my original title. Can you fax it for me?”

    (I think I misheard them, since they won’t receive the original title if I fax it. So, I ask them to clarify.)

    Me: “So, they need a copy of it and you need me to fax it?”

    Customer: “No, fax the original. That’s what they need.”

    Me: “Sorry, but faxing will not result in you having the original.”

    Customer: “No, just fax it. They need the original.”

    (I try several times more to explain that they won’t get an original through fax, without success. Finally, the customer gives up.)

    Customer: “I don’t see what you don’t understand! All you need to do is fax it and they’ll get the original!” *leaves the office grumbling*

    The Real Reason For Head-On Collisions

    , | Stockton, CA, USA | Extra Stupid

    (I am a claims adjuster talking to a driver recently involved in a car accident. I am asking him questions to hear his side of the story of what happened.)

    Me: “So there are 3 lanes on this highway? Were you in the left, middle, or right lane?”

    Driver: “The right lane.”

    (The police report indicates differently.)

    Me: “Are you sure you are in the right lane?”

    Driver: *thinking* “No, no, I was in the LEFT lane! You see, I’m left-handed, so everything is reversed for me.”

    Health Care(less), Part 3

    , | Mississippi, USA | Money

    (I get a lot of billing questions on the phone.)

    Customer: *irately* “I need to know why my insurance was canceled at the end of July.”

    (I look up his policy in our database.)

    Me: “Sir, you haven’t paid your bill since May.”

    Customer: “I have to pay my bill?”

    Related:
    Health Care(less), Part 2
    Health Care(less)

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