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    Takes One To Serve One

    | CA, USA |

    Worker: “Thank you for calling [insurance company]. My name is [name]. How may I help you today?”

    Me: “Hi, my name is [full name]. I went online to get a quote from your company yesterday, and I would like to get my car insurance through you guys. My confirmation number is [number].”

    Worker: “Great! I can help set that up for you. Could I have your name and the last four numbers of your social security number?”

    (I repeat my name, not even thinking about it, and my social.)

    Worker: “Oh, wow, now I feel stupid. You already gave me your name! Wait… you didn’t get upset or anything; you just went along with the program.”

    Me: *laughs* “Yeah, I guess I didn’t even think anything of it.”

    Worker: “Well, I appreciate it. Most customers would have been upset, claiming I didn’t listen or whatever. Okay, next question: what is your area of employment?”

    Me: “I’m a customer service representative.”

    Worker: “Ah, no wonder.”

    Death Of An Insurance Salesman

    | ON, Canada | Crazy Requests

    (I work for a very large insurance company. An angry client calls in with a thick foreign accent. Note that my trouble understanding her is making her aggravated.)

    Client: “Why haven’t you paid me my insurance money?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, I’m not really understanding the question. Could you clarify a little more for me?”

    Client: “You must pay me the $100,000 for my insurance!”

    Me: “Ma’am, you are the insured person on this policy. Who is it that has passed?”

    Client: “No one passes! I need you to pay me my insurance.”

    (This continues back and forth for five minutes.)

    Me: “Ma’am, we can’t pay you the money from your life insurance policy for the same reason you cannot bury a man living in the USA in Canada.”

    Client: “Why not?!”

    Me: “Because you’re not dead.”

    Oblivious To The Obvious

    | UT, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Money

    Me: “Hi, this is [name]from [insurance company]. I’m calling because your policy cancelled for non-payment of premium.”

    Client: “Again?! This happens every month! It’s not my fault though. Can you tell them it’s not my fault?”

    Me: “I’m sorry?”

    Client: “See, each time my payment has been due, I’ve been in jail. My probation officer is an a**. Every time I do something illegal he throws me in jail. Every single time!”

    Me: “I can set you up on automatic withdrawal from your bank just in case.”

    Client: “No, I rarely have money. How can I avoid this happening again in the future?”

    Me: “Pay your bill on time?”

    Client: “But, what about the jail thing?”

    Me: “Um… stop breaking the law?”

    Acts Of God

    | Australia | Money, Religion

    (My job is to process insurance claims made for home and contents damages only. I make an out-bound call.)

    Me: “Good afternoon, this is [me] from [company] calling. Is [customer] available, please?”

    Customer: “Speaking.”

    Me: “Oh, good afternoon. I’m just calling in regards to the recent insurance claim made for your ‘outhouse.’ Do you have a few minutes?”

    Customer: “Certainly.”

    Me: “Okay, fantastic. We have received the report from [builder] regarding the damages to your ‘outhouse.’ In this report they have identified that the ‘outhouse’ in question is in fact a caravan and not an ‘outhouse.’ In light of this I’m calling to advise that it isn’t covered by your home insurance.”

    Customer: *clearly doesn’t understand this* “But I use it as an outhouse, it hasn’t moved in the last 34 years. I use it to help those in need for a shelter for an evening or two. I’m doing God’s work here. It’s an outhouse.”

    Me: “Ma’am, I understand that, and whilst I respect the use that you put it to, it doesn’t change the fact that it is in fact, a caravan. We won’t be able to provide coverage in this instance.”

    Customer: “But I’m doing God’s work! Do you hate God? Are you a heathen?!”

    Me: “No, ma’am, I do not hate God. I am not religious and whilst I respect that you are, religion has nothing to do with insurance. For your caravan to be covered in future by [company] you will need to purchase caravan insurance for it, but I must advise you that if you purchase this now, all pre-existing damage will not be covered.”

    Customer: “HEATHEN!” *click*

    America The Buttonful

    | Buffalo, NY, USA | Money

    (I work for an insurance company that offers several different auto-pay options. Many people choose to use their routing and account numbers, which means a break on installment fees. We can stop or postpone extractions, but, we need three to five business days notice.)

    Customer: “Hi, my payment’s coming out tomorrow and the money’s not in the account. I need it to be postponed.”

    Me: “I apologize, ma’am, but it looks like the debit tape has been sent to the bank. Once that happens, it’s an automated transaction that I cannot cancel or postpone.

    Customer: ”What do you mean, you can’t postpone it? This is America! You CAN and WILL postpone it!”

    Me: “I’m very sorry. I’d recommend checking with your bank. They may be able to stop the transaction. A non-sufficient funds fee may be applied to your account on our end, though. Generally, we need three to five days notice to postpone these transactions.”

    Customer: “NO, THIS IS AMERICA! All you have to do is press a button or flip a switch or something!”


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