Will Need To Waive The Wave Excuse

| Spokane, WA, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Rude & Risque

(I am a security officer at a medical insurance facility. The street we are located on isn’t exactly reputable, and we get a lot of trouble from ‘ladies of the evening’ attempting to solicit our clients or even our associates. While on patrol, I notice one of our repeat offenders very blatantly trying to flag down traffic.)

Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but if you’re not here as a client, I’m going to have to ask you to leave.”

Lady: “No, it’s fine; I’m not even doing anything.” *continues to wave*

Me: “Ma’am, this is a private campus. You can’t—”

Lady: “No, really, it’s fine.”

Me: “Ma’am, if you don’t leave, I’ll have to call the police on you for trespassing—”

Lady: *now getting rather heated* “I’m not doing anything wrong!”

Me: “Then what are you doing here, trying to wave down traffic?”

Lady: *without hesitation* “I’m not waving down traffic. I’m waving at the wind!”

(There is a long pause as the woman apparently processed how stupid this sounded. She then smiled, and quickly walked away. To this day I’m still not sure this was spur of the moment, or worse, a rehearsed excuse.)

This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 37

| England, UK | Extra Stupid, Money

Customer: “Hello. I’ve got an email from you saying you’ve not been able to take my direct debit this month. Why’s that?”

(I take the customers policy number, confirm his details, and investigate his payments. Nothing’s changed at our end to account for it, so I ask…)

Me: “Did you have [amount] in your account for the payment?”

Customer: “Yeah.”

Me: “And you haven’t told your bank to cancel the direct debit?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “No changes, at all, to your bank or finances? Nothing you can think of that may have caused this change?”

Customer: “Well, I closed my bank account recently…”

Related:
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 36
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 35
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 34

Failed At The Name Game

| Denver, CO, USA | Bizarre, Funny Names

(I work at an insurance agency in Colorado. There are only a few other people in my office, none of which are named Steve.)

Me: “Good afternoon, [Insurance Company]. This is [My Name]. How may I help you?”

Customer: “STEVE?!”

Me: “No, this is [My Name]. Can I help you with something?”

Customer: “Where is Steve?”

Me: “I don’t believe a Steve works here. Can I help you?”

Customer: “I just talked to Steve. I know there is a Steve there.”

(At this point I realize that it was the customer I just got off the phone with two minutes ago.)

Me: “Oh, yes! Let me go get Steve for you…” *I deepen my voice a little* “Hello, this is Steve.”

Customer: “Oh, hi, Steve! Can you tell [My Name] to just transfer my calls to you from now on? I don’t want to talk to him. He doesn’t sound like he knows what he is doing.”

Driving Her Own Price Up

, | CO, USA | Crazy Requests, Money, Transportation

(A policy holder calls to complain about the very high premium she is paying for her auto insurance. I review the policy with her and determine that she’s had many accidents and violations. Easily the worst driving record I’ve seen, and I’ve been doing this job for years.)

Customer: “So, what can be done so that I don’t pay so much?”

Me: “As your driving history is the reason for the high premium, there are no opportunities to reduce the cost until your record improves.”

Customer: “There has to be something you can do?”

Me: “I’ve verified that the price is accurate. There is nothing more I can do.”

Customer: “Is there something I can do?”

Me: “Have you had a recent check up with a doctor to see if there is a physical reason you are having difficulty while driving? You may want to consider using public transportation, at least until you’ve been medically cleared.”

Customer: “There’s nothing wrong with my health, and I’m not going to stop driving!”

Me: “If you must continue to drive, I’d suggest taking a driver education or improvement course.”

Customer: “You’re joking, right? I’m a good driver! Everyone gets into a bit of trouble now and again!”

(This call was chosen by my supervisor for monthly call review and coaching, which was less than a week later. There were already two more accident claims filed!)

Signs You Should Probably Stop Driving

, | CO, USA | Health & Body, Transportation

(An elderly customer calls about her policy, which has increased at the most recent renewal due to an accident she’s had pulling out of the drive from her retirement community.)

Customer: “You know, I’m really a good driver. I just didn’t see the other car. It came from nowhere.”

Me: I’m sure you wouldn’t have attempted to pull out if you’d seen it.”

Customer: “Many of my neighbors sold their cars and ride the bus; several routes go right by our complex. I can’t do that, though, because I don’t see so well anymore. I can’t read those signs they have on the buses that say where they are going.”

Me: “…”

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