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  • I Scream For Pizza

    | Rome, Italy | Uncategorized

    (While working at a gelato shop in Rome, a tourist approaches me.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, miss! I’d like a pizza!”

    Me: “We don’t sell pizza here. This is a gelato shop.”

    Customer: “What are you talking about? This is Italy! Don’t you have pizza in Italy?”

    Me: “Yes, we have pizza in Italy, but this is not a pizzeria, so we don’t sell pizza. There are pizzerias, though, if you look.”

    Customer: “So this is Italy?”

    Me: “Correct.”

    Customer: “And this is a restaurant.”

    Me: “Sort of, though we only sell the ice cream.”

    Customer: “But this is ITALY.”

    (After a few minutes of getting nowhere, my coworker attempts to help.)

    Coworker: *jokingly* “Ma’am, if you want pizza, I can get you some for 100 euros.”

    (100 euros is about $150 USD. Without hesitation, the customer pulls out two 50s and hands them to my coworker.)

    Co-worker: *hands the tourist the money back* “It’s okay, ma’am. Let me direct you to a nearby pizzeria…”

    Free Of Gluten, Free Of Thought

    | Tasmania, Australia | Uncategorized

    (Note: I am standing under a sign that says ‘Gluten-Free Mousse’)

    Customer: “Is the gluten-free mousse gluten free?”

    Me: “You mean the ‘gluten-free mousse’?”

    Customer: “Yeah. Is it gluten free?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Customer: “Are you sure? How do you know?”

    Me: “Because the sign says it’s gluten-free.”

    Customer: “Oh, okay then. I’ll just have a bottle of water.”

    Me: “No mousse?”

    Customer: “No, you can never be too sure about what has gluten in it!”

    Stupidity Is The Mother Of Repetition, Part 3

    | Florida, USA | Uncategorized

    Me: “Hi, what can I get you?”

    Customer: “I want the chocolate ice cream.”

    Me: “Okay, sir. What size would you like?”

    Customer: “I want the size that fits in the waffle cone.”

    Me: “All of our sizes will fit in the waffles.”

    Customer: “Oh. Okay.”

    Me: “What size would you like?”

    Customer: “The one that comes in a waffle cone.”

    Me: “We can put any of the sizes in the waffles.”

    Customer: (Pause.) “Will the small fit in the waffle cone?”

    Me: “Yes, sir.”

    Customer: “What about the medium?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Customer: “And the large?”

    Me: “Yup.”

    Customer: (Longer pause.) “So, if I get the medium, can you put it in a waffle cone?”

    Stupidity Is The Mother Of Repetition, Part 2
    Stupidity Is The Mother Of Repetition

    The Forbidden Fruit

    | Baltimore, MD, USA | Top

    (I’ve just finished putting a cherry on top of an older woman’s ice cream. It’s slowly starting to roll down the side.)

    Me: “Oh, watch it! You’re about to lose your cherry!”

    Customer: “Oh dearie, I lost that a long time ago.”

    Living A Vanilla Kind Of Life

    | North Carolina, USA | Uncategorized

    Me: “What can I do for you today?”

    Customer: “I’ll have a small cone.”

    Me: “A small cone with what kind of ice cream?”

    Customer: “Small.”

    Me: “But, what kind?”

    Customer: “A small scoop!”

    Me: “But what flavor!”

    Customer: “Oh! I didn’t know I had that option.”

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