Me: “Can I help you sir?”

Customer: “Can you…do…this coupon?” *holds out coupon*

Me: “Yes, our two-for-one special. What flavors would you like?”

(The customer then dictates two particularly long and complicated orders.)

Customer: “I don’t like the energy you gave off while making those ice creams. Make them again.”

Me: “Okay…I’ll try to change my energy, sir.”

(Later, after I re-did the order.)

Me: “That would be $3.66, please.”

Customer: “But I have a coupon.”

Me: “A two-for-one means you have to pay for one of the two ice creams.”

Customer: “Pay…? But…free?”

Me: “You have to pay, yes.”

Customer: “But I just wanted free ice-cream…”

Me: “Do you even have any money?”

Customer: “What the h*** do I need money for? I have a coupon!”

Customer 1: “Do you have any sugar-free ice cream?”

Customer 2: “Yeah, that a diabetic can eat?”

(The two spend the next five minutes sampling almost every frozen yogurt we have and inquiring into the sugar content of everything. I went along with it, not wanting to put someone in a diabetic coma or anything.)

Customer 2: “OK, we’ll take two of the blueberry pomegranate yogurt on sugar cones.”

Me: “You’re aware that sugar cones contain sugar, right?”

Customer 2: “Oh, we’re not really diabetic, we just didn’t want you to sneak us something fattening.”

Customer: “This isnt a hot fudge sundae.”

Coworker: “No, it isn’t. I’m afraid we don’t make it with hot fudge here.”

Customer: “Then I’m not paying for it!”

Coworker: “I’m afraid you have to. The menu states that it’s not made with hot fudge.”

Customer: “FINE!” *throws the ice cream at my coworker*

Coworker: *covered with ice cream* “I’m suddenly glad we don’t have hot fudge.”

Customer: “Hi, I’d like vanilla ice cream with peanut butter cups mixed in, please.”

Me: “OK, is that all for you?”

Customer: “Yes, and just so you know, I’m allergic to peanuts. Can you make sure it’s nut-free?”

Me: “Uh…you just ordered PEANUT butter cups for your ice cream…

Customer: “I thought you guys could do allergy safe ice cream. The sign says you can make sure my food is allergy safe!”

Me: “Well, yes…but you need to order food without peanuts in it first…”

Coworker: “Hi, welcome to [ice cream store]. Can I take your order?”

Customer: “Yes, I’d like coffee ice cream with Heath bar mixed in.”

(My coworker mixes the ice cream and then hands it to the customer, a 40-year old woman. She beings to CRY in front of everyone.)

Coworker: “Ma’am, is something wrong?”

Customer: *sobbing* “My Heath bar isn’t crunched up enough!”

Coworker: “I’m so sorry about that, ma’am. I can make you another one.”

(The coworker makes another one and pounds the Heath bar into extra fine pieces. He then hands it to the customer.)

Coworker: “Is this mixed up enough, ma’am?”

Customer: *wailing* “I can’t tell now because it’s mixed into the ice cream!”

(The customer pays, storms off, and leaves the store sobbing with ice cream in hand.)