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    Caution: Density May Vary With Temper

    | Los Angeles, CA, Los Angeles, CA, USA | Food & Drink

    (A customer comes up to my register and orders a pint of mint chip. All of our pints and quarts are hand scooped.)

    Me: “Alright, ma’am, here is your ice cream. Anything else?”

    Customer: “No.”

    (The customer pulls out a small scale and weighs the pint.)

    Customer: “This weighs 17.8 ounces! A pint of water weighs 18! I will not pay for this!”

    Me: “I’m sorry. Can I get you a new pint?”

    Customer: “No! This is unacceptable!”

    Me: “Ma’am, would you like to talk to my manager?”

    Customer: “Yes!”

    Manager: “Hello, what seems to be the problem?”

    Customer: “Are you guys trying to f***ing rip me off? This is grossly under weight!”

    Manager: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but ice cream weighs less than water because there are air bubbles in ice cream. Wwe hand scoop our pints so while we put forth the biggest effort, we are not perfect.”

    Customer: “F***! I don’t care about air bubbles. This is a f***ing rip off!”

    Manager: “I’m so sorry. What can I do to fix this?”

    Customer: “Give me more f***ing ice cream! That’s what you can do!”

    Manager: “Okay.”

    (I quickly scoop her a couple cups of mint chip. She pays for the pint and storms off.)

    When Life Demands Too Much, Go Scientology

    | Naperville, IL, USA | Math & Science

    (I work in a store where we blend toppings in with the ice cream. The prices for addition “mix-ins” are posted in giant numbers.)

    Customer: “Hi, I’ll have a small cake batter with Oreos, Heath Bar, M&Ms, fudge, and peanut butter sauce!”

    Me: “Okay, coming up!”

    (At the register.)

    Me: “Okay, that’ll be $x.xx”

    Customer: “What?! It says on your board that it is $3!”

    Me: “Yes, but you got additional toppings, which increase the price.”

    Customer: “Numbers aren’t real! Only scientologists believe in numbers! Why should I have to pay if I don’t believe in numbers?”

    Doubling Down On Dumb

    | Rexburg, ID, USA |

    Customer: “I would like a double scoop of chocolate.”

    Me: “So you want both scoops chocolate? Or one scoop of chocolate and one of something else?”

    Customer: “Oh, I get two scoops?”

    Me: “In a double scoop? Yes.”

    Customer: “I’m so excited!”

    Losing Their Marbles

    | Victoria, BC, Canada |

    (I work at a marble slab creamery. It is a type of ice cream store that allows customers to mix in candies, cookies, etc with their ice cream while it’s kept cold on a frozen marble mixing slab.)

    Customer: “Hi there. I was just wondering what the name of this store meant. I never understand these metaphor names.”

    Me: “Well, ma’am, the name is about as literal as it gets. We mix the ice cream on a marble slab.”

    Customer: “Oh, so it’s an allegory.”

    Literally Scream For Ice Cream

    | Milwaukee, WI, USA |

    (Today’s featured ice cream flavor of the day was ‘Boston Pie’.)

    Me: “What kind of ice cream would you like?”

    Little girl: “A scoop of the Boston Massacre, please.”

    Father: “Sorry. That’s what she’s studying in school right now.”

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