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    Losing Their Marbles

    | Victoria, BC, Canada |

    (I work at a marble slab creamery. It is a type of ice cream store that allows customers to mix in candies, cookies, etc with their ice cream while it’s kept cold on a frozen marble mixing slab.)

    Customer: “Hi there. I was just wondering what the name of this store meant. I never understand these metaphor names.”

    Me: “Well, ma’am, the name is about as literal as it gets. We mix the ice cream on a marble slab.”

    Customer: “Oh, so it’s an allegory.”

    Literally Scream For Ice Cream

    | Milwaukee, WI, USA |

    (Today’s featured ice cream flavor of the day was ‘Boston Pie’.)

    Me: “What kind of ice cream would you like?”

    Little girl: “A scoop of the Boston Massacre, please.”

    Father: “Sorry. That’s what she’s studying in school right now.”

    Reaching Crunch Time

    | St. Pete Beach, FL, USA |

    Customer: “I’d like a scoop of chocolate.”

    Me: “Cup or cone?”

    Customer: “Do you have any edible cones?”

    Me: “All of our cones are edible.”

    Customer: “Can I take it with me on the beach?”

    Me: “All cones are entirely portable.”

    Customer: “Do you have any that don’t crunch?”

    Belaboring The Flavoring

    | CA, USA |

    Customer: “Excuse me.”

    Me: “Yes?”

    Customer: “You only have 28 different flavors of ice cream. You’re supposed to have 31 flavors.”

    Me: “Ah, yes. The company dropped the ‘flavors’ thing over a decade ago. Some smaller stores have as few as 16. The larger store downtown has 40 flavors. I should point out we do have four flavors of frozen yogurt as well, so that’s 32.”

    Customer: *angry* “That’s false advertising! Your sign says ’31 flavors’! You’re supposed to have 31 different flavors!”

    Me: “Ma’am, like I said. They dropped ‘flavors’ from the logo and signs over a decade ago. This store is less than eight years old. If you can find something that says ’31 flavors’, I will give you a quart of ice cream.”

    Customer: *pointing* “Right there! Are you blind? Thir-ty-one f-l-a-v-o-r-s!”

    Me: “What portion of it says ‘flavors’?”

    Customer: “It’s right there! Under the 31!”

    Me: “Look at the sign. Tell me what it says.”

    Customer: “I don’t need to look at the d*** sign to… oh.”

    (She pauses.)

    Customer: “Oh. Pint of mint chip, please.”

    Choosing A Flavor Should Be A Piece Of Cake

    | Dublin, Ireland | Food & Drink

    *Me: “What can I get you?”
     
    Customer: “What flavors do you have?”
     
    Me: “They’re right on front of you–twenty flavors. What would you like?”
     
    (About five minutes pass.)
     
    Customer: “Can I have the Strawberry Cheesecake, but can you remove the cheesecake?”
     
    Me: “Sir, I can’t remove the cheesecake. It’s mixed in.”
     
    Customer: “Well, I like strawberry, but not cheesecake.”
     
    Me: “May I recommend strawberry flavor?”
     
    Customer: “Oh, no. The strawberry cheesecake sounds nicer.”


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