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  • A Caffeinated Christmas Miracle
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  • When Life Demands Too Much, Go Scientology

    | Naperville, IL, USA | Math & Science

    (I work in a store where we blend toppings in with the ice cream. The prices for addition “mix-ins” are posted in giant numbers.)

    Customer: “Hi, I’ll have a small cake batter with Oreos, Heath Bar, M&Ms, fudge, and peanut butter sauce!”

    Me: “Okay, coming up!”

    (At the register.)

    Me: “Okay, that’ll be $x.xx”

    Customer: “What?! It says on your board that it is $3!”

    Me: “Yes, but you got additional toppings, which increase the price.”

    Customer: “Numbers aren’t real! Only scientologists believe in numbers! Why should I have to pay if I don’t believe in numbers?”

    Doubling Down On Dumb

    | Rexburg, ID, USA |

    Customer: “I would like a double scoop of chocolate.”

    Me: “So you want both scoops chocolate? Or one scoop of chocolate and one of something else?”

    Customer: “Oh, I get two scoops?”

    Me: “In a double scoop? Yes.”

    Customer: “I’m so excited!”

    Losing Their Marbles

    | Victoria, BC, Canada |

    (I work at a marble slab creamery. It is a type of ice cream store that allows customers to mix in candies, cookies, etc with their ice cream while it’s kept cold on a frozen marble mixing slab.)

    Customer: “Hi there. I was just wondering what the name of this store meant. I never understand these metaphor names.”

    Me: “Well, ma’am, the name is about as literal as it gets. We mix the ice cream on a marble slab.”

    Customer: “Oh, so it’s an allegory.”

    Literally Scream For Ice Cream

    | Milwaukee, WI, USA |

    (Today’s featured ice cream flavor of the day was ‘Boston Pie’.)

    Me: “What kind of ice cream would you like?”

    Little girl: “A scoop of the Boston Massacre, please.”

    Father: “Sorry. That’s what she’s studying in school right now.”

    Reaching Crunch Time

    | St. Pete Beach, FL, USA |

    Customer: “I’d like a scoop of chocolate.”

    Me: “Cup or cone?”

    Customer: “Do you have any edible cones?”

    Me: “All of our cones are edible.”

    Customer: “Can I take it with me on the beach?”

    Me: “All cones are entirely portable.”

    Customer: “Do you have any that don’t crunch?”

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