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    Be Careful What You Ask For, Part 5

    | West Orange, NJ, USA | Food & Drink

    (This takes place a few months before I leave for college. A lot of the kids working at the store are leaving for college soon, too. One of my coworkers has written “Tips for college kids” on the tip jar. A young mother walks in with her kids on a slow afternoon. After she reads the tip jar, this exchange happens.)

    Customer: “Tips for college kids…I have a good tip. Stay away from tequila.”

    Me: “Why’s that, ma’am?”

    Customer: “I went through a lot of margaritas my freshman year. Now I can’t even look at tequila without feeling sick. Just stay away from it!”

    Me: “Don’t worry ma’am. I’ll stick to vodka.”

    (And yes, she did leave a nice tip!)

    Related:
    Be Careful What You Ask For, Part 4
    Be Careful What You Ask For, Part 3
    Be Careful What You Ask For, Part 2
    Be Careful What You Ask For

    Piece Of Cake

    | Hillsboro, OR, USA | Food & Drink

    (Note that I am not the cake decorator at my store. I have no clue how to build or frost cakes. On this particular day, I am working alone.)

    Customer: “Is this ice cream cake vanilla flavored?”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am. That’s vanilla ice cream on white cake.”

    Customer: “What do you mean, white cake?”

    Me: “I mean, there’s white cake inside.”

    Customer: “There’s cake in there?”

    Me: “Um, well, yes. It is an ice cream cake. It’s made with ice cream and cake.”

    Customer: *looking distressed* “Oh…but, I don’t want cake! I want all ice cream! Can you take the cake part out for me?”

    Me: “Um, well, I’m not the decorator, so I don’t think–”

    Customer: “Just take out the cake part, frost it really quick, and I’ll buy it like that. It can’t be that hard.”

    Me: “So…you want me to scrape all the frosting off, take out the cake and throw it out, and then re-frost it for you real quick?”

    Customer: “Is that not possible?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but no.”

    (She ends up buying the cake anyway, but complains under her breath the entire process.)

    Color Me Stupid, Part 2

    | Philadelphia, PA, USA | Food & Drink

    (I work at a place that sells ice cream and Italian ice.)

    Me: “Hi, welcome to [ice cream parlor]. What can I get you today?”

    Customer: “I want something blue!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, we don’t have anything blue today. Our flavors are listed on the board to your right.”

    Customer: *ignoring the flavor list* “Well, then, I want green!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, we also don’t have anything green today. We only have the flavors on the board.”

    Customer: “You don’t have lemon!?”

    Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. I thought you said you wanted green. But yes, we do have lemon.”

    Customer: “Wait! Lemons aren’t green?”

    Related:
    Color Me Stupid

    This Isn’t Team Jacob

    | NJ, USA | Food & Drink

    (In our ice cream shop, we have a deal where kids can get an ice cream cone with free sprinkles if they wear their team uniform. This is written on a big sign on the window. A family buys ice cream, and I charge them for sprinkles.)

    Customer: “Hey! You! Come over here!”

    Me: “Is there a problem, sir?”

    Customer: “Read this sign to me.”

    Me: “Get an ice cream cone with free sprinkles–”

    Customer: “Exactly! Free sprinkles! You charged me for these. Can’t you read?”

    Me: “Get an ice cream cone with free sprinkles if you wear your team uniform.”

    Customer: “Oh, well this is my team uniform!”

    (He’s wearing a black t-shirt and jeans.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but that’s not going to work.”

    Customer: “Well, I’m never coming back here again!”

    Caution: Density May Vary With Temper

    | Los Angeles, CA, Los Angeles, CA, USA | Food & Drink

    (A customer comes up to my register and orders a pint of mint chip. All of our pints and quarts are hand scooped.)

    Me: “Alright, ma’am, here is your ice cream. Anything else?”

    Customer: “No.”

    (The customer pulls out a small scale and weighs the pint.)

    Customer: “This weighs 17.8 ounces! A pint of water weighs 18! I will not pay for this!”

    Me: “I’m sorry. Can I get you a new pint?”

    Customer: “No! This is unacceptable!”

    Me: “Ma’am, would you like to talk to my manager?”

    Customer: “Yes!”

    Manager: “Hello, what seems to be the problem?”

    Customer: “Are you guys trying to f***ing rip me off? This is grossly under weight!”

    Manager: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but ice cream weighs less than water because there are air bubbles in ice cream. Wwe hand scoop our pints so while we put forth the biggest effort, we are not perfect.”

    Customer: “F***! I don’t care about air bubbles. This is a f***ing rip off!”

    Manager: “I’m so sorry. What can I do to fix this?”

    Customer: “Give me more f***ing ice cream! That’s what you can do!”

    Manager: “Okay.”

    (I quickly scoop her a couple cups of mint chip. She pays for the pint and storms off.)

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