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    Should Deaf-initely Mess With Him

    | Mansfield, MA, USA | Bigotry, Food & Drink, Health & Body, Love/Romance

    (I have grown up with selective mutism, and have learned to speak using ASL. This is not apparent now, as I can now speak perfectly in public. My boyfriend on the other hand, is deaf.)

    Me: “Welcome to [Store Name]; how can I help you?”

    Customer: “Yes, I’d like a [Signature Creation].”

    Me: “Right away.”

    Customer: “Oh, I’m allergic to all nuts; can you make sure nothing touches?”

    Me: “Of course, let me go get some clean spades.”

    (I leave and go to the back. My boyfriend visits me at work for the first time as we live a bit apart. He tries to order something from the menu and is frustrated that my coworker cannot understand him. He has never done speech therapy so he cannot speak. I come back to the front.)

    Customer: “Freak! What are you even doing here making those noises? No one wants your kind here. Get out! F****** freak.”

    (The coworker is stunned, and is not stepping in, so I step in.)

    Me: “You cannot speak to another patron like that. I’m going to have to ask you to leave.”

    Customer: “I’m doing this for all of you. Why would you want this freak around?”

    (I turn to my boyfriend and sign to him that I will take care of this, even though it’s kind of a deaf culture no-no.)

    Me: “I am not required to answer that question. I am, however requiring that you leave.”

    (I go around through the back and out to the front where the customer is still causing issues. We are able to escort him out, but he stands at the glass windows glaring at us.)

    Boyfriend: *signing* “We should really mess with him.”

    (My boyfriend kisses me, and the customer goes ballistic until the police come and arrest him. I stopped working there, but my wonderful intelligent and deaf man and I are now engaged to be married.)

    Not The Brightest Of The Bunch

    | NSW, Australia | Bizarre, Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

    (I am standing at the front counter next to the bowl of bananas we have for making smoothies. A customer in his mid-20s approaches the counter.)

    Customer: “Hey, do you sell any bananas?”

    Me: “Yes, we do have bananas. However, we cannot sell them to you as we need them for our smoothies.”

    Customer: “Great! How much for one?”

    Me: “They’re not for sale; we need them. There is a shopping center close by. If you go there, they can sell you bananas, and cheaply too.”

    Customer: “Okay… then how much for a banana smoothie?”

    Me: “That will be $4.99 for a small, and $5.99 for a large.”

    Customer: “Okay… can I get a banana smoothie, but can you not ‘smoothie’ it?”

    No Catches Get Pasteurize

    | WI, USA | Bizarre, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Money

    (Our store sells pints of ice cream.)

    Customer: “I’ll take three pints of vanilla.”

    Me: “Well, we currently have a special running, so you can have four pints for the price of three. What would you like for your fourth pint?”

    Customer: “So if I get one more pint it won’t cost me any more money?”

    Me: “Yep!”

    Customer: “Well, I don’t do deals. It’s obvious that if you buy something on sale it’s because the original price is already inflated. So I only buy things at regular price.”

    Me: “Umm, well it would be the same price, so it would be a better value to have four.”

    Customer: “Well, I know there’s some catch somewhere! Only give me three.”

    Me: “Umm, okay, as you wish.”

    Customer: “Good! I won’t have you ripping me off!”

    Short-Change Con Falls Short Of Change

    | CA, USA | At The Checkout, Criminal/Illegal, Liars & Scammers, Money, Top

    (I’m working the register. A customer comes to the register with three ice creams.)

    Me: “So, is this it for you today?”

    Customer: “Yes, sir.”

    Me: “Alright your total is $12.75.”

    (The customer hands me a $20 bill. I hand him his change.)

    Customer: “Where’s the rest of my change?”

    Me: “I gave you your change already, sir.”

    Customer: “No, you didn’t! I gave you a $100 bill. You’re shorting me $80!”

    Me: “Sir, I can assure you that you paid with a $20 bill.”

    Customer: “No you can’t, because I paid with a $100 bill! How can they let an incompetent dip-s*** like you handle money? This is a disgrace.”

    Me: “Sir, the only disgrace here is you. For starters, company policy states that we can not accept bills larger than $50. If you did give me a $100 bill, I would refuse it and ask for a smaller bill. On top of all that, the $20 you gave me is still on the counter right next to the register.”

    (The customer goes silent, and quietly exits the store. He has not been seen at our store since.)

    Cold Call From Work

    | TX, USA | Bad Behavior, Bizarre, Food & Drink, Top

    (I am training a new 17-year-old girl. I am going slow and steady, trying to teach her the right way to do everything. Two female customers come in. One orders a drink made with caffeine-free citrus soda and sherbet. I start explaining and showing the trainee what to do.)

    Me: *quietly to the trainee* “Okay, use two scoops for a small and three for a large, then fill it to here with soda. I personally think these are gross, but they’re really popular, especially with kids.”

    Customer: “It’s not gross! If you ever tried it, you’d know it wasn’t gross!”

    Me: “I’m sorry; I didn’t even realize you could hear me. I just don’t personally like them, but I know plenty of people who do.”

    Customer: “You have to take that back! I’m the customer, so I’m right! You’re the rudest f****** b**** I’ve ever seen!”

    Me: “Okay. I’m sorry that I don’t personally like the same drink that you do.”

    Customer: “I need to talk to your manager right now!”

    Me: “Ma’am, I’m the senior employee working right now. My manager is at home with her daughter. I can take down your information and have her call you wh—”

    Customer: “No! Call her right now! I need to talk to her and tell her what a rude b**** you’ve been!”

    Me: *while dialing the phone* “Just to clarify: you want me to interrupt my manager’s family dinner, so you can inform her that I don’t like soda and sherbet mixed together, yes?”

    Customer: “Yes! Call her right now! I’ll get your a** fired!”

    (I explain the situation on the phone to my manager.)

    Manager: “So, what exactly does she want me to do?”

    Me: “I think she wants you to fire me… for not liking sherbet.”

    Manager: “Oh, lord. Just give her the phone.”

    (The trainee and I stand there while the customer yells on the phone at my manager. My poor trainee is just dumbfounded. Eventually my manager convinces the woman to leave and asks her to not come back, as insulting her employees is not acceptable. The woman and her friend leave, and my new co-worker and I breathe a sigh of relief. The customer storms back into the shop.)

    Customer: “Oh! And you know what’s f****** gross? Your face!”

    (She leaves, and I start laughing uncontrollably.)

    Trainee: “Did that just f****** happen?”

    Me: “Welcome to life in customer service!”

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