There’s A Nut, But It’s Not In The Pistachio

| Florida, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “What kind of nut is in the pistachio?”

Me: “…you can’t be serious.”

Customer: “No, really, what kind of nut is in the pistachio?”

Me: “Pistachio.”

The Return Of Captain Obvious

, | Florida, USA | Top

Customer in an ice cream shop: “What’s in the Chocolate Caramel Cashew?”

Me: “There’s really no way for me to answer that without sounding like a smarta**.”

Customer: “Why? What’s in it?”

Me: “It’s chocolate ice cream … with caramel … and cashews.”

Related:
Captain Obvious To The Rescue
Belaboring The Obvious

Why Asking Why Is A Bad Idea

, | Florida, USA | Top

Customer: “Oh, and could I also get a glass of milk?”

Me: “I’m sorry, but we don’t sell milk.”

Customer: “Why not?”

Me: “Well, let’s see, I could make up a reason involving the phrase ‘health codes,’ I could act dumb and just get the manager, or I could just be a total jerk about it, but at the end of the day, you’re still not gonna get a glass of milk, so how about we just skip that whole thing?”

Customer: “…okay.”

Act Like A Kid, Get Treated Like One

, | Massachusetts, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Welcome to Lickety Splits. What can I get you?”

Customer: “I’d like a twist on a sugar cone.”

Me: “I’m sorry we can only put soft serve on a wafer cone. Is that all right?”

Customer: “Yeah that’s fine.”

(She pays, and I give her the ice cream)

Customer: “What is this?!”

Me: “Your order, ma’am.”

Customer: “I ordered a sugar cone!” *throws her ice cream on the floor* “I demand my money back!”

Me: “If you want another ice cream I’ll give you one for free, just as long as you don’t throw another tantrum.”

Customer: *strangely calm* “Thank you.”

Time To Stuff Someone’s Mailbox w/Flat Lids

, | California | Top

Customer, upon receiving her Moolatte: “This has a round lid, can I have a flat lid?”

Me: “I’m sorry, the only lid that fits that cup is a dome lid.”

Customer: “But I want a flat lid, Starbucks always gets me a flat lid! Why can’t you?!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but the flat lids we have won’t fit that cup.”

Customer: “I want to speak with your manager.” *mutters* “Stupid kids…”

(I go and get my manager)

Manager: “What’s the problem, ma’am?”

Customer: “This stupid employee of yours won’t give me a flat lid!” *brandishes the drink in his face*

(My manager takes one of every single lid in the store and puts them in front of her)

Manager: “Go ahead then.”

Customer: *proceeds to try and put the lids on the cup, none of which fit* “This is ridiculous! Why don’t you have a flat lid?! Starbucks always has a flat lid!!”

Manager: “Then go buy your drinks there and leave my employees alone.”

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