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    Living On The Edge

    | New York, NY, USA | Top

    (At an ice cream shop)

    Me: “Would you like any mix-ins with that?”

    Older woman: “Yes, I would like almonds. But not too many, because I’m allergic, and if I have too many I will die.”

    Me: “…”

    There’s A Nut, But It’s Not In The Pistachio

    | Florida, USA |

    Customer: “What kind of nut is in the pistachio?”

    Me: “…you can’t be serious.”

    Customer: “No, really, what kind of nut is in the pistachio?”

    Me: “Pistachio.”

    The Return Of Captain Obvious

    , | Florida, USA | Top

    Customer in an ice cream shop: “What’s in the Chocolate Caramel Cashew?”

    Me: “There’s really no way for me to answer that without sounding like a smarta**.”

    Customer: “Why? What’s in it?”

    Me: “It’s chocolate ice cream … with caramel … and cashews.”

    Related:
    Captain Obvious To The Rescue
    Belaboring The Obvious

    Why Asking Why Is A Bad Idea

    , | Florida, USA | Top

    Customer: “Oh, and could I also get a glass of milk?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but we don’t sell milk.”

    Customer: “Why not?”

    Me: “Well, let’s see, I could make up a reason involving the phrase ‘health codes,’ I could act dumb and just get the manager, or I could just be a total jerk about it, but at the end of the day, you’re still not gonna get a glass of milk, so how about we just skip that whole thing?”

    Customer: “…okay.”

    Act Like A Kid, Get Treated Like One

    , | Massachusetts, USA |

    Me: “Welcome to Lickety Splits. What can I get you?”

    Customer: “I’d like a twist on a sugar cone.”

    Me: “I’m sorry we can only put soft serve on a wafer cone. Is that all right?”

    Customer: “Yeah that’s fine.”

    (She pays, and I give her the ice cream)

    Customer: “What is this?!”

    Me: “Your order, ma’am.”

    Customer: “I ordered a sugar cone!” *throws her ice cream on the floor* “I demand my money back!”

    Me: “If you want another ice cream I’ll give you one for free, just as long as you don’t throw another tantrum.”

    Customer: *strangely calm* “Thank you.”

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