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    Fatheaded

    , | Newton, MA, USA |

    Customer: “What’s the difference between low-fat and non-fat yogurt?”

    Me: “Well, the low-fat has only a small amount of fat whereas the non-fat has none at all.”

    Customer: “What’s fat?”

    Me: “…”

    The Adventures Of Captain Obvious

    , , , , | Everywhere |

    Me: “Would you like the 4-piece meal or the 6-piece meal?”
    Customer: “What’s the difference?”

    ——–

    Me: “Would you like the quarter pound classic burger or the half pound classic burger?”
    Customer: “Which one is bigger?”

    ——–

    Customer: “How big is the 6 inch?”

    ——–

    Customer: “How many come in a four-pack?”

    ——–

    Customer: “Is your Sunday special on Sundays only?”

    ——–

    Customer: “Does your turkey chic pea chili soup have beef in it?”

    ——–

    Customer: “What flavor is your vanilla ice cream?”

    ——–

    Customer: “What’s the difference between the lemon and the vanilla?”

    ——–

    Customer: “Hi, do you sell books here?”
    Me: “This is a bookstore, ma’am.”

    ——–

    Me: “Thank you for calling Pittsford Plaza Cinema, how may I help you?”
    Customer: “Yes, hello. Are you located in the Pittsford Plaza?”

    ——–

    Me: “Thank you for calling Saltgrass Steakhouse in Meyerland Plaza where our gift cards make great holiday stocking stuffers. How may I assist you?”
    Customer: “Hi, is this Saltgrass?”
    Me: “Yes.”
    Customer: “In Meyerland right?”
    Me: “Yes…”
    Customer: “Do you have giftcards?”‘
    *click*

    How Gluttons Complain

    , | Oklahoma, USA |

    (I was a customer observing this in line, not the employee.)

    Woman Customer: “I’d like a hot fudge sundae.”

    (The worker makes a hot fudge sundae and presents it to customer.)

    Customer: *eats spoonful of sundae* “The ice cream is melting.” *eats another spoonful*

    Worker: “I’m sorry. It’s probably because there’s HOT fudge on top of it.”

    Customer: *spoonful* “The ice cream is too soft. *spoonful* I can’t eat this.” *spoonful*

    Worker: “I could try to remake it for you, or get you something else.”

    Customer, still chowing down: “This is just awful.”

    (The customer takes another spoonful–by this time about half the sundae is gone.)

    Customer: “How do you expect people to eat this *spoonful* when the ice cream is so soft? *spoonful* The ice cream should be hard!” *spoonful*

    Worker: “Would you like something else?”

    Customer: *spoonful spoonful spoonful* Don’t bother. Just throw it away. *spoonful*

    (The customer hands what little is left to the worker and stomps away indignantly, still complaining.)

    My wife, not very quietly: “What a b***h!

    Worker: *smiles at my wife*

    I Woke Up Today And Felt Like Complaining

    | Encinitas, CA, USA |

    Angry man: “This is ridiculous! Look how small these cones are!”

    Other server: “Uh…?”

    Me: “Can I help you?”

    Angry man: “Yeah! Each time I come in here, the cones get smaller and smaller, and the scoops are tiny!”

    Me: “Sir, those are standard sized scoops. But if you’d like, I can add on a bit more ice cream.”

    Angry man: “It’s not about the ice cream! It’s the fact that you are taking money from people and making everything smaller. This is ridiculous! Don’t you feel ashamed?”

    Me: “I’m sorry sir…I’ll talk to my manager about that if you’d like.”

    Angry man: “Yeah, well, good!”

    (He tries to toss the ice cream cone in the trash, but misses. He picks the cone up off the ground and throws it away. The other server and I try to keep from laughing.)

    Angry man: “You’ve just lost a customer for life!” *stalks out, red-faced*

    Me and the other server: “Wow…”

    (In re-enters a customer with his son who I had just served moments before.)

    Another customer: “Don’t worry about that guy. He was just screaming at someone over at the next door grocery store for not having the correct amount of bananas per bunch.”

    …And Stupidity Resolves Itself

    | Maine, USA |

    Large Woman 1: “This is not my ice cream, I ordered the butter pecan! It’s simple–just scoop ice cream!”

    Large Woman 2: “This is not my ice cream either, I ordered the maple walnut! How d*** complicated is it to give people the right ice cream?”

    (Glancing at both of their ice creams, I realize that the problem was their fault, because they just took each other’s ice cream.)

    Me: “Yeah, complicated…”

    (I walked out back and looked at them on the security camera, until they realized they were the idiots, and left.)

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