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    Mmm, Moisturizer

    | Montana, USA |

    (At the shop, all the flavors of gelato are plainly labeled. This particular question happened almost daily…)

    Customer: “What does the Rose taste like?”

    Me: “Roses.”

    Customer: “No way! Let me try!”

    (I hand the customer a sampler of rose-flavored gelato.)

    Customer: “It tastes like lotion!”

    Me: “How often do you eat lotion?!”

    Saved By The Belle

    , | California |

    (I used to work at a popular ice cream store, where they mix your ice cream. We got really busy during the weekends, with lines out the door. This happened as I was going down the line asking customers for their order.)

    Me: “Hello, what would you like today?”

    Customer: “Are you high?”

    Me: “Uh…what?”

    Customer: “Your eyes are REALLY red. That’s okay, I’m cool with it…I am sure it makes this job more fun.” *grins*

    Me: “Um, I’m not high. I have contacts and they make my eyes really red.”

    Customer: “Oh, gotcha.” *winks*

    (At this point, I am hoping I dont lose my job for something this stupid.)

    Me: “So what can I get you?”

    Customer: “Nothing, I am just looking.”

    Lady next to customer: “I know you are not high dear, don’t panic.” *gives me a tip*

    Fatheaded

    , | Newton, MA, USA |

    Customer: “What’s the difference between low-fat and non-fat yogurt?”

    Me: “Well, the low-fat has only a small amount of fat whereas the non-fat has none at all.”

    Customer: “What’s fat?”

    Me: “…”

    The Adventures Of Captain Obvious

    , , , , | Everywhere |

    Me: “Would you like the 4-piece meal or the 6-piece meal?”
    Customer: “What’s the difference?”

    ——–

    Me: “Would you like the quarter pound classic burger or the half pound classic burger?”
    Customer: “Which one is bigger?”

    ——–

    Customer: “How big is the 6 inch?”

    ——–

    Customer: “How many come in a four-pack?”

    ——–

    Customer: “Is your Sunday special on Sundays only?”

    ——–

    Customer: “Does your turkey chic pea chili soup have beef in it?”

    ——–

    Customer: “What flavor is your vanilla ice cream?”

    ——–

    Customer: “What’s the difference between the lemon and the vanilla?”

    ——–

    Customer: “Hi, do you sell books here?”
    Me: “This is a bookstore, ma’am.”

    ——–

    Me: “Thank you for calling Pittsford Plaza Cinema, how may I help you?”
    Customer: “Yes, hello. Are you located in the Pittsford Plaza?”

    ——–

    Me: “Thank you for calling Saltgrass Steakhouse in Meyerland Plaza where our gift cards make great holiday stocking stuffers. How may I assist you?”
    Customer: “Hi, is this Saltgrass?”
    Me: “Yes.”
    Customer: “In Meyerland right?”
    Me: “Yes…”
    Customer: “Do you have giftcards?”‘
    *click*

    How Gluttons Complain

    , | Oklahoma, USA |

    (I was a customer observing this in line, not the employee.)

    Woman Customer: “I’d like a hot fudge sundae.”

    (The worker makes a hot fudge sundae and presents it to customer.)

    Customer: *eats spoonful of sundae* “The ice cream is melting.” *eats another spoonful*

    Worker: “I’m sorry. It’s probably because there’s HOT fudge on top of it.”

    Customer: *spoonful* “The ice cream is too soft. *spoonful* I can’t eat this.” *spoonful*

    Worker: “I could try to remake it for you, or get you something else.”

    Customer, still chowing down: “This is just awful.”

    (The customer takes another spoonful–by this time about half the sundae is gone.)

    Customer: “How do you expect people to eat this *spoonful* when the ice cream is so soft? *spoonful* The ice cream should be hard!” *spoonful*

    Worker: “Would you like something else?”

    Customer: *spoonful spoonful spoonful* Don’t bother. Just throw it away. *spoonful*

    (The customer hands what little is left to the worker and stomps away indignantly, still complaining.)

    My wife, not very quietly: “What a b***h!

    Worker: *smiles at my wife*

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