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    He Who Eats Less, Laughs Best

    , | Evergreen, CO, USA | Top

    (While I’m working, I see this teenage girl pull up in an really nice car. With her orange spray tan and expensive clothing, I could tell it would be interesting.)

    Me: “Hey, what could I get for you today?”

    Customer: “You’re going to make me a non-fat shake with non-fat mix, non-fat milk and non-fat chocolate.

    Me: “Oh, Ok…I’ll have that done for you in just a second.”

    (Right before I start to blend the shake, she speaks up:)

    Customer: “So since you work here, do you eat a lot of ice cream?”

    Me: “Well, I suppose I eat enough to be able to recommend stuff to customers….”

    Customer: “Well, you just look like you eat a lot of ice cream. You might want to quit your job before you get too fat.”

    Me: “Thanks for that advice.”

    (While my coworker rings her up, I proceed to add 5 pumps of chocolate syrup, extra chocolate chips, and tons of extra ingredients to her shake, putting it up to a total of about 4,000 calories.)

    Customer: *taking a drink* “At least you can make a decent shake.”

    Bananas For Vanana

    , | Florida, USA |

    Me: “Welcome to ***, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “Yes, I’d like some banana ice cream.”

    Me: “Sure thing.”

    (She pays and leaves. A moment later, she storms in, literally pushing people out of the way.)

    Customer: “This is not what I ordered!”

    Me: “I’m sorry ma’am, I’ll be happy to change that for you.”

    Customer: “You better!”

    Me: “So, what can I get for you?”

    Customer: “Banana ice cream.”

    Me: “Banana? That’s what I served you earlier. Is that not banana?”

    Customer: “No. I said banana!”

    Me: “Yes, banana.”

    Customer:: “You taste it! It’s not banana! I said banana!

    Me: “Ma’am, I’ll be happy to give you a new bowl. Perhaps, since we mix our own ice cream, the banana taste wasn’t mixed all the way through.”

    Customer: “Listen, I said banana, not banana!”

    Me: “…”

    Customer: “BANANA BANANA BANANA!”

    Me: “Banana?”

    (Suddenly, her B’s turn into V’s…)

    Customer: “Vanana!”

    Me: “Oh my God. Vanilla?”

    Customer: “Yes you dumb, b****! VANANA!”

    Definitely Not Right

    , | Costa Mesa, CA, USA | Top

    (Keep in mind I’m gay, although it’s not too obvious.)

    Me: “Hi, welcome to [ice cream shop]. What can I help you out with today?”

    Customer: “Hey there, I was wondering if I could have a raspberry sorbet in a sugar cone?”

    Me: “Cool. That’s going to be $1.39.”

    Customer: *seductive voice* “I was hoping you could lower the price for me. I’m a little low, if you know what I mean…”

    (The customer unbuttons the top two buttons on her blouse and bites her lip at me.)

    Me: “Ehhh. Sorry, ma’am. I can’t fall for that.”

    Customer: “What’s the matter? A little shy?” *bounces her boobs in my face*

    Me: “Because that’s not ethical, and I don’t like boobs.”

    Customer: “What?!”

    Me: “I’m gay!”

    Customer: “Oh my god! You’re sick! And you looked down my shirt, you pervert!”

    Me: “You undid your shirt to get free ice cream!”

    Customer: “Oh my god, sickos like you are just… just SICK! All men are filthy dogs. All you think about are naked girls and sex! I’m calling your manager to tell him what gross, perverted employees he has!” *leaves*

    Me, to coworker: “That… that wasn’t right, was it?”

    Coworker: “You should put that on notalwaysright.”

    Me: “I think I will.”

    (She never did call our manager.)

    Basic Subtraction, How I Miss Thee

    | Crown Point, IN, USA |

    Me: “Hi welcome to [ice cream shop], how can I help you?”

    Customer: “Yes, I would like to order that new Thin Mint Blizzard.”

    Me: “Alright, what size?”

    Customer: “Small.”

    Me: “Can I get you anything else?”

    Customer: “I don’t want it green.”

    Me: “I’m sorry?”

    Customer: “It’s green in this picture! I want it white! Whatever you put in there to make it green, I don’t want it.”

    Me: “That would be our mint topping.”

    Customer: “Mint? Ewww! No.”

    Me: “So that’s one Thin MINT Cookie Blizzard with no MINT topping?”

    Customer: “Yes.”

    I Scream, You Scream, We All Scream…

    , | Pinehurst, NC, USA |

    Customer: “Oh, look at all this yummy gelato!”

    Me: “Yes ma’am, the front row is gelato and the back row is ice cream.”

    Customer: “Okay, I want butter pecan.”

    (Butter pecan is in the back row, so it’s an ice cream. I scoop it for her.)

    Customer: “Well, this is just delicious. Do you have any regular ice cream and not gelato?”

    Me: “Yes ma’am. Like I said before, the back row is ice cream.”

    Customer: *stops eating suddenly* “What? But I wanted gelato!”

    Me: “Ma’am, I told you which ones were the gelatos. I can get you something else.”

    Customer: “But, but, but I wanted gelato!”

    Customer’s husband: “Quit your b****in’, I’ll eat it at home.”

    Related:
    Catastrophe Averted

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