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    Some Requests Just Take The Cake

    | Champaign, IL, USA | At The Checkout, Food & Drink, Theme Of The Month

    (I take a request on a phone call.)

    Me: “We can only make small round, large round, and small rectangle cakes, sir. We cannot make large rectangles.”

    Caller: “Okay, so is it possible for me to have a cake made by Sunday? Mother’s day?”

    Me: “We can have any cake ready for you by Mother’s day. Yes, sir!”

    Caller: “Any cake? I thought you just said that you can’t make large rectangles cakes.”

    Me: “We can’t, like I just said, sir.”

    Customer: “So, let me get this straight. You can make ANY cake except the large rectangle?”

    Me: *face-palm*

    A Pleasing Surprise

    | Wildwood, NJ, USA | Language & Words

    (I am the customer in this story. I am on a camping trip at a boardwalk. I approach an ice cream stand.)

    Me: “Hi! Could I please have a cone of mint ice cream?”

    Cashier: “Sure— Wait. Did you say please?”

    Me: “Um. Yes?”

    Cashier: “Wow! I don’t think I’ve ever heard anyone else say please!”

    (The cashier turns to a coworker.)

    Cashier: “Hey, [Coworker]. Have you?”

    Coworker: “I don’t think so. Maybe only kids.”

    Cashier: “Thanks! Here’s your ice cream! Have a good day!”

    Me: “Thank you! You, too!”

    A Decent Slice Of Nice

    | Perth, WA, Australia | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Food & Drink

    (It’s about 9:50 pm, 10 minutes until we close and a group a customers have just walked in. As I’m serving one of them we start chatting.)

    Customer #1: “Sorry for coming in so late. You guys are about to close, right?”

    Me: “In a few minutes, yeah. But it’s fine. We don’t mind.”

    Customer #2: “Have you guys had dinner?”

    Me: “Not yet, our shift started at 5 and we don’t get a break.”

    (The two customers look at each other, and then one thrusts a takeaway pizza box at me.)

    Customer #1: “Here have this.”

    Me: “Oh no, it’s fine. We really can’t.”

    Customer #1: “No, take it. We won’t be able to eat it all anyway. You guys should get dinner.”

    (They all pay and go, leaving my coworker and me with a free dinner! Customers like these ones make my job bearable!)

    Should Deaf-initely Mess With Him

    | Mansfield, MA, USA | Bigotry, Food & Drink, Health & Body, Love/Romance

    (I have grown up with selective mutism, and have learned to speak using ASL. This is not apparent now, as I can now speak perfectly in public. My boyfriend on the other hand, is deaf.)

    Me: “Welcome to [Store Name]; how can I help you?”

    Customer: “Yes, I’d like a [Signature Creation].”

    Me: “Right away.”

    Customer: “Oh, I’m allergic to all nuts; can you make sure nothing touches?”

    Me: “Of course, let me go get some clean spades.”

    (I leave and go to the back. My boyfriend visits me at work for the first time as we live a bit apart. He tries to order something from the menu and is frustrated that my coworker cannot understand him. He has never done speech therapy so he cannot speak. I come back to the front.)

    Customer: “Freak! What are you even doing here making those noises? No one wants your kind here. Get out! F****** freak.”

    (The coworker is stunned, and is not stepping in, so I step in.)

    Me: “You cannot speak to another patron like that. I’m going to have to ask you to leave.”

    Customer: “I’m doing this for all of you. Why would you want this freak around?”

    (I turn to my boyfriend and sign to him that I will take care of this, even though it’s kind of a deaf culture no-no.)

    Me: “I am not required to answer that question. I am, however requiring that you leave.”

    (I go around through the back and out to the front where the customer is still causing issues. We are able to escort him out, but he stands at the glass windows glaring at us.)

    Boyfriend: *signing* “We should really mess with him.”

    (My boyfriend kisses me, and the customer goes ballistic until the police come and arrest him. I stopped working there, but my wonderful intelligent and deaf man and I are now engaged to be married.)

    Not The Brightest Of The Bunch

    | NSW, Australia | Bizarre, Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

    (I am standing at the front counter next to the bowl of bananas we have for making smoothies. A customer in his mid-20s approaches the counter.)

    Customer: “Hey, do you sell any bananas?”

    Me: “Yes, we do have bananas. However, we cannot sell them to you as we need them for our smoothies.”

    Customer: “Great! How much for one?”

    Me: “They’re not for sale; we need them. There is a shopping center close by. If you go there, they can sell you bananas, and cheaply too.”

    Customer: “Okay… then how much for a banana smoothie?”

    Me: “That will be $4.99 for a small, and $5.99 for a large.”

    Customer: “Okay… can I get a banana smoothie, but can you not ‘smoothie’ it?”


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