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  • Dilate It Down A Little

    | Aurora, CO, USA | Health & Body, Hotels & Lodging, Theme Of The Month

    (I’m nine months pregnant, on literally my last week before maternity leave, working the front desk. I have just checked into his room an older man, about 55 to 60 years old.)

    Guest: *turning to go fetch his suitcase from the car* “Oh, and, are you pregnant?”

    Me: “Yup. I’m due March 6th.”

    Guest: “So, are you dilated yet?”

    A Messy Apology

    | Hattiesburg, MS, USA | Health & Body, Hotels & Lodging, Rude & Risque, Theme Of The Month

    (I work the afternoon shift at a mid-market hotel, so I make a lot of welcome calls to guests that have checked in just to make sure that they like the room.)

    Me: “Hey, this is [My Name] at the front desk. How are you?”

    Guest: “I’m good!”

    Me: “Wonderful. How do you like the room so far?”

    Guest: “Oh, the room’s great, except for the semen we found on the floor… Oh, wait, that’s mine!”

    Me: *stammering for the right words* “Um, ok, well, if you have any questions or if you need anything just let me know.”

    (The guest called back around five minutes later with an apology and an explanation. Apparently, he thought I was a friend of his by the same name that was due to check in to the hotel later that afternoon. Suffice it to say he was incredibly embarrassed.)

    This Caller Has Been Barred

    | CO, USA | Bizarre, Crazy Requests, Hotels & Lodging, Rude & Risque, Theme Of The Month

    (I’m the night auditor. It’s about 3 am and the phone rings.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [Hotel]. How may I help you?”

    Caller: “Yeah, I just wanted to check rates for these dates.”

    Me: “Absolutely. We have two queens or a king for these prices.”

    Caller: “Oh, okay. What is there to do in the area?”

    Me: “We’re popular for our hiking trails and outdoor activities, as well as our variety of small breweries—”

    Caller: “Are there any gay bars?”

    Me: “Not that I know of.”

    Caller: “What?! No gay bars?!”

    Me: “I’m afraid not.”

    Caller: “Well… where do you go?”

    Me: “To… the regular bars?”

    Caller: “Okay, because I got a couple of lesbians coming there for their honeymoon.”

    Me: “Well, I assure you there are plenty of bars to choose from. So, how many nights shall I book you for?”

    Caller: “Oh, I’ll have to talk to them.” *click*

    (He called and had the exact same conversation with me three more times in two weeks before getting my manager, who told him he needed to stop harassing me.)

    Should Have Released The Booking

    | Fort Collins, CO, USA | Bizarre, Health & Body, Hotels & Lodging, Rude & Risque, Theme Of The Month

    (The phone rings at about 4 am.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [Hotel]. This is [My Name]. How may I help you?”

    Caller: “Yes. I need to place a reservation for Monday, checking out Wednesday.”

    Me: “Absolutely. Let me check the rates for those nights.”

    (We continue our conversation; he is booking a room normally enough until I ask for credit card information.)

    Me: “Okay, you’re all set. I just need a credit card to hold the room.”

    Caller: *sounding a little taken aback* “Oh, yes… of course… Let me get my card for you. Hold on.”

    (This is followed by two minutes of muffled sounds.)

    Caller: *clearly out of breath* “Okay, sorry, had to go upstairs. Hang on, let me grab it.”

    Me: “Umm. Okay.”

    (Another 45 seconds of muffled panting.)

    Caller: “All right. Got it.” *gives me the number* “So… have you ever just, you know, needed a release?”

    Me: *pretending to not hear the question* “I’m sorry.? What was that?”

    Caller: “Okay. Thanks for all your help!” *hangs up*

    (He never showed up or called to cancel and his credit card info was expired.)

    Incheon Further Away From The Answer, Part 5

    | AB, Canada | Extra Stupid, Hotels & Lodging, Language & Words

    Me: “Can I help you?”

    Customer: “Yes I would like to check in please.”

    Me: “Of course, ma’am. A single room is $89.00 plus tax.”

    Customer: “Oh, okay. I’ll take it.”

    Me: *using the computer to put her information in*

    Customer: “So, are you Japanese?”

    Me: “No, I am Korean.”

    Customer: “Chinese?”

    Me: “Korean.”

    Customer: “That’s like Chinese, right?”

    Me: “No, ma’am.”

    Customer: “It’s like Japanese, then?”

    Me: “No, it’s Korean.”

    Customer: “Oh, okay. So what language do you speak? Chinese?”

    Me: “Korean.”

    Customer: “Japanese?”

    Me: “Korean…”

    Customer: “That’s like Chinese?”

    Me: “No. Korean.”

    Customer: “Like Japanese?”

    Me: “No, it’s like Korean. It’s different from Japanese and Chinese.”

    Customer: “Oh, Korean… I see! Don’t you learn something everyday?”

    Related:
    Incheon Further Away From The Answer, Part 4
    Incheon Further Away From The Answer, Part 3
    Incheon Further Away From The Answer, Part 2

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