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    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 28

    | Edinburgh, Scotland, UK | Hotels & Lodging, Money, Tourists/Travel, Transportation

    (An American guest approaches me at my desk.)

    Me: “Morning, sir! What can I do for you?”

    Guest: “Hi there! I’m going to rent a car today to drive around the highlands. Could you just tell me how much gas costs here?”

    Me: “Gas? As in petroleum? Sure. Petrol here is about £1 a litre.”

    Guest: “How much is that in gallons though?”

    Me: “Well, as far as I know, there is slightly less than four litres in a gallon. So about £4 a gallon I suppose.”

    Guest: “Awesome, that’s $2 a gallon! That’s cheap!”

    Me: “Sir, the exchange rate is currently $2 to £1, so it is in fact equal to $8 a gallon.”

    Guest: “Pfft! I doubt that. The dollar is the strongest currency in the world!”

    Me: “Well, it’s the largest reserve currency, but I assure you the rates are as I described.”

    Guest: “You know, considering you work with tourists, you should probably know the exchange rate a little better, son! Don’t they teach you math in high school?!”

    Me: “They do, sir.”

    Guest: “Not well enough!”

    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 27
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 26
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 25

    The Most Confusing Meal Of The Day

    | Ireland | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Hotels & Lodging

    (I work in a call centre making reservations for a large hotel chain. A customer has just asked for a particular date in a particular hotel.)

    Me: “I have the standard room for $99, or bed and breakfast for $109. The superior room for $129—”

    Customer: “Wait! So the first two rooms are standard rooms?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Customer: “So why is the one more expensive?”

    Me: “Well, room only is $99 and if you want breakfast included it is $109.”

    Customer: “I don’t understand.”

    Me: “If you want to eat breakfast in the morning it’s $10 more.”

    Customer: “I still don’t see why I would pay more for the same room!”

    Me: “You don’t pay more for the room, you pay the extra for the food. You can have just the room for $99 or the room and breakfast at the restaurant for $109.”

    Customer: “I just don’t understand why I should pay more.”

    Me: “I have no idea how else to explain this.”

    (She never made a booking. We were ‘too confusing.’)

    Thinks He’s So Grape

    , | Norway | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (I work as a wine waiter in a business hotel, where we often have repeat guests. One such guest, who always has a problem with something, is tasting a bottle of wine I’ve just opened.)

    Guest: “This wine is bad. It’s corked, or oxidised, or something.”

    Me: “May I test it?”

    (I take the glass and smell the wine, knowing straight away that there’s no problem.)

    Me: “I don’t notice anything wrong here. If you insist, I can open a fresh bottle.”

    Guest: “Well, you obviously don’t know anything about wine or service. Of COURSE I want a fresh bottle.”

    Me: “Very well, sir.”

    (I take the bottle away, re-cork it, and wait a few seconds before returning to the table with a new glass. I open the bottle again as I arrive and I pour a little for him to taste.)

    Guest: “MUCH better. Can’t believe you thought there was nothing wrong with the last bottle. You obviously don’t deserve to be in charge of wine here.”

    Constant Explain Drain

    | USA | Crazy Requests, Hotels & Lodging, Theme Of The Month

    Guest: “I have a question about my bill.”

    Me: “What is your question?”

    Guest: “Why did my rate go up?”

    Me: “Let me see.”

    Guest: “I remember the rate was supposed to stay the same! Now it’s showing me differently. I wanted it changed, and hurry up or I’ll miss my train!”

    (I pull out the guest’s reg card, which clearly has ‘RATE CHANGE’ and the amount printed on it and the guest’s signature on the bottom.)

    Me: “This is your signature? Yes?”

    Guest: “Well… yes…”

    Me: “These initials by the ‘RATE CHANGE’ show that you have acknowledged that there is a rate change in your stay.”

    Guest: “Well… uh… the person who checked me in didn’t EXPLAIN it to me!”

    Me: “But you signed it anyway. You sign things you don’t read?”


    Making A Whole Lot Of Noise About It

    | Champaign, IL, USA | Hotels & Lodging, Rude & Risque

    (I am calling a room as I’ve had an ‘unusual’ noise complaint. Normally, because of being the overnight shift, I would investigate in person. Given the nature of the complaint I’ve decided to use the hotel phone and call the room. After several minutes, a guest finally answers.)

    Guest: “Hello?”

    Me: “Hello, sir. This is the front desk. We—”


    (The guest continues rant for about a minute before winding down.)

    Me: “Sir, I’m sorry about the inconvenience but we have a noise complaint near your room. The… ah, ‘sex noises,’ grunting and moaning, that have been going on for over 30 minutes are keeping other guests up. They are asking you to keep the sex down so they can sleep.”

    (There is eight seconds of dead silence.)

    Me: “Sir, are you still there?”

    Guest: *click*

    (We did not receive another noise complaint!)

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