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    Someone Got The Crazy Card

    | USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Hotels & Lodging, Money

    Customer: “Check-in, please.”

    Me: “Okay. ID and credit card…”

    (The customer takes both out and starts to hand them over, but then hesitates.)

    Customer: “Okay…”

    (She hands them over and I swipe her card and check her ID, then hand them back.)

    Customer: “What did you do just then?!”

    Me: “I… uh… swiped your card.”

    Customer: “Your computer just read my information!”

    Me: “Yep.”

    Customer: *panicking* “That means that now my credit card number is on your computer! How do I KNOW that you won’t take it and go off on a shopping spree?!”

    Me: “We don’t do that, ma’am.”

    Customer: “How do I KNOW you all won’t?! I don’t know you! I don’t know any of you all!”

    Me: “Because if we did, we’d get fired…”

    Customer: “…”

    Me: “And none of us want to lose our jobs over that…”

    Customer: *looks unconvinced*

    Me: “Plus, identity theft is a crime so we’d go to jail?”

    Customer: “…”

    Me: “So, none of us want to go to jail. Because… it’s full of… crazy people.”

    Customer: “…Fine. I guess I trust you!”

    Silver Linen To Every Cloud

    | USA | Family & Kids, Health & Body, Hotels & Lodging

    (We have multiple very large groups staying with us, so all the extra bed sheets are taken up.)

    Guest: “My child threw up on the bed! I need new linens!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but we have no more.”

    Guest: “Nonsense! You are supposed to help! It’s your job! Now fetch my linens and don’t be lazy about it!”

    Me: “Sir, I’m not kidding. We don’t have any more. How am I supposed to get you some more linens when I don’t have what you need?”

    (The guest yells angrily, so I bring the manager out.)

    Manager: “What’s the problem?”

    Guest: “I’ll tell you what’s the problem! This hotel has no more linens! What kind of hotel has no more linens to give!”

    (My manager takes the angry guest out and walks with him someplace. When she returns, she is alone.)

    Me: “What happened?”

    Manager: “I showed him the lobby, which was full of people. I showed him the pool, which was full of people. Then I showed him the hallways, which were also full of people, and told him that every one of them has asked for linens and we ran out. He got real quiet, grunted, and then ran off to his room!”

    Unaware Of How Unaware He Is

    | Buffalo, NY, USA | Extra Stupid, Hotels & Lodging

    (I work at a hotel that accommodates a lot of business travelers during the week. Shortly after checking in a sharply dressed executive type, I get a call from his room.)

    Guest: “Hey, I think your sink is broken. I keep waving my hand in front of the sensor and nothing’s happening.”

    Me: “There is no sensor, sir. Just turn the faucet on.”

    Guest: “Oh! Okay, great! And I can just use these towels to dry my hands, right?”

    Me: “Um… absolutely.”

    Guest: “Great! Thanks!”

    (A few minutes later he calls down again.)

    Guest: “Hi there! Just curious. Is this remote for the TV or something else?”

    Me: “It’s for the TV, sir. There should be a list there of local and premium channels as well.”

    Guest: “Oh good! Just wanted to make sure.”

    (And in another few minutes…)

    Guest: “Hi, sorry to bother you again but I’m expecting a phone call in a little bit. When the phone rings, do I just pick up or…?”

    Timeshare Beware

    | HI, USA | Bad Behavior, Spouses & Partners, Tourists/Travel

    (My wife and I are forced to sit in a timeshare presentation as part of our reduced cost stay at a resort. We had already decided it would be crazy for us to buy a timeshare as we have not yet even bought our own house.)

    Salesman: “So, can you tell us your personal priorities?”

    (My wife, who is an Ivy-League educated lawyer who works in not-for-profit human rights law, speaks up.)

    My Wife: “Money… Power! RESPECT!”

    (The salesman looks surprised while I turn to my wife:)

    Me: “Well, I guess I didn’t know we had such different priorities… for me it i about the little things… blunts, bling, and b****es!”

    (They really hated us.)

    Tax Mex

    | NJ, USA | Extra Stupid, Geography, Hotels & Lodging, Money

    (I am driving two guests to a convenience store and they are talking about Mexico and taxes.)

    Guest #1: *to Guest #2* “Do they even have taxes in Mexico? Don’t they just pay cash for everything?”

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