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    A Do-Not-Disturbing Amount Of Stupidity

    | SC, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Hotels & Lodging

    Guest: “My room is filthy! I demand a free night! This is ridiculous! Give me your corporate number!”

    Me: “I’m so sorry, ma’am. Give me your room number and I’ll sort this out!”

    Guest: “209.”

    Me: “Ma’am, it says you’ve been in this room three days. We have a housekeeper going to your room to clean it today. They’ll be there at 9 am. We have it listed that your room had a do not disturb sign for the last three days. Please remove it from your card slot and your room will be cleaned.”

    Guest: “Well how the f*** was I supposed to know they wouldn’t come if that was there? You should tell people that! Poor service! Get to my room NOW and do your job! Idiots!”

    Me: “…yes, ma’am.”

    (She did this two more times in her two week stay, never once taking the do-not-disturb sign of her door.)

    Must Think They Were Dragonborn Yesterday

    | NB, Canada | Bizarre, Hotels & Lodging, Theme Of The Month

    Me: “Thank you for calling [Hotel]. How can I help you?”

    Caller: “My name is warrior… and I’m lost.”

    (Music plays in background, and the caller goes on about fighting and being lost.)

    Me: “Can I have your name, sir?”

    Caller: “My father was a paladin.”

    (At this point my coworker took the headphones to listen in. It was a prank call, and at least it was entertaining.)

    Direction Dissection

    | USA | Bizarre, Hotels & Lodging

    Guest: “I need directions.”

    Me: “Okay. To where?”

    Guest: “To [Address].”

    (The address she was giving me was on the very same street our hotel is on, and I knew the place well.)

    Me: “Oh, I know where that is. You just make a left from the hotel, and—”

    Guest: *very seriously* “Don’t tell me what to do! I’m not your slave!”

    Me: “Um… I never said you were.”

    Guest: “Then don’t tell me what to DO, then!”

    Me: “Um…okay.”

    (Silently, I use directions from the Internet, print it up, and hand it over.)

    Me: “Here you go.”

    Guest: “Thanks!”

    (I saw her a few minutes later, complaining to someone on her phone about ‘a piece of paper that’s telling her what to do.’)

    Doctor’s Disorders

    | USA | Extra Stupid, Health & Body, Hotels & Lodging

    (It is around three in the morning when I take a phone call.)

    Me: “Front desk.”

    Guest: “Help! My husband is feeling very sick. He needs a doctor!”

    Me: “Ma’am, we don’t have any doctors in the hotel. Shall I call him an ambulance?”

    Guest: *suspiciously* “And just where is this ‘ambulance’ going to take him?”

    Me: “Um, to the hospital…”

    Guest: “…”

    Me: “…where there are doctors?”

    Guest: “Oh. Okay, then.”

    Should Have Called It A Night

    | Scotland, UK | Hotels & Lodging, Rude & Risque, Underaged

    (I’m 14, working in the kitchen of a local pub/inn. I arrive at work one day and go to sign in, behind the reception desk in the front hall. A customer comes in and assumes I’m working on the front desk.)

    Customer: “Hey! How much are rooms?”

    Me: “Depending on which rooms are available, anywhere from £35-65 a night—”

    Customer: “No, how much for an hour?”

    (He winks at me. Being 14, I don’t understand what he’s getting at.)

    Me: “Pardon? The rooms are priced for a night—”

    Customer: “Yeah, but how much for you and a room for an hour?”

    (I am beyond confused at this point when the manager, a stocky guy with a shaved head, tattooed arms and a strong Glaswegian accent appears from the dining room, right behind the guy.)

    Manager: “CAN I HELP YOU!?”

    (The customer jumped about a foot in the air, saw my manager, and bolted out the door. My manager refused to tell me what the guy was talking about (and I didn’t realise for another couple of years), just told me to run and get him or the chef if I saw the guy again.)

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