I work in a hotel. To avoid drowning receptionists in people, unofficially, I work as some sort of information guide. I give out advice to guests who might want to know how to get around the city or Italy, suggestions either personal or sponsored, and so on.

Guests usually ask reasonable things, but I have guests who vie for the “Least Possible Thing Asked” award.

Guest: “I’ve been trying to go to Trevi Fountain, but it’s really crowded, and I can’t have my photos done well in that chaos. Can you please send somebody out to shoo the crowd away for me? I’ll pay extra!” 

Spoiler: the answer was “no”.

Visiting Milan, I stayed at a youth hostel not far from the cathedral, sharing a room with a group of Australian backpackers composed of two girls and a guy, all around twenty-five years of age. The sharing of the room in itself wasn’t all that bad, since we were all quiet enough in our nightly routines and had similar waking-up schedules. The problem lay elsewhere.

One day, I went to the hostel’s common kitchen to have breakfast and found myself in front of a guy holding a pair of leather boots that were covered in a patina of frost and dripping water.

Guy: *In accented English* “Oh, hey, are these boots yours?”

Me: “Uh, no, those aren’t mine. Why do you ask?”

Guy: “Well, some dumb f*** put these boots in the freezer box. Who the h*** does that?” 

I blinked. That was definitely not normal. Soon after, I heard a screeching behind me. Turning around, I saw one of my bunkmates running forward.

Girl: “What in the name of Christ are you doing to my boots?! I put them in the esky for a reason!”

Guy: “Esky? I don’t know what that is, but this is a freezer. It’s f****** nasty to throw these in the same place we store frozen peas.”

The girl outright ripped the boots out of the guy’s hands.

Girl: “Ice kills bacteria, and bacteria make my boots stink heaps. What am I supposed to do?!”

Me: *Timidly* “M-maybe put them out the window? I wouldn’t mind.”

Girl: “I would mind!”

Guy: “Well, I mind much more that you keep your dirty f****** boots in the freezer, so you either calm the f*** down or I’m going to get you kicked out.”

Girl: “F*** you and fuck your [slur for Italians] a**.”

And then, she ran out. The same day, the group left the room three days earlier than they intended, though I’m not sure whether they were kicked out or left by their own will, as I was out and about. One thing’s for sure: I’m still not sure who even puts shoes — let alone boots covered in city gunge — inside places storing food like it’s nothing.

I am working as a concierge in a high-end hotel in downtown Los Angeles. A well-to-do-looking older British couple approaches me around breakfast time. They speak with the poshest British accents this dumb American has ever heard.

Woman Guest: “Good morning. I was wondering if you might assist us. We’ve been told there is a famous market in this area, with a famous breakfast establishment that we should try.”

Me: “I can certainly try to help you, ma’am. What is the name of the breakfast place?”

Woman Guest: “I believe it is called Eggs A Lot.”

Me: “I can’t say I know that one, but I can look it up for you. Do you know what marketplace you need to go to?”

Woman Guest: “I’m afraid I do not; I was hoping you could tell us. We wanted to be a bit naughty and have some… ‘fast food’, you see.”

She almost giggles at the mention of “fast food”, as if she has only ever known fine dining and wants to see how the “other half” lives.

I access the directory for the area and check the nearest food market to us, which is Grand Central Market. I can’t find anything called Eggs A Lot.

Me: “I’m afraid I can’t find a place called Eggs A Lot.”

As soon as I say it out loud and the collection of syllables rolls together, it hits me.

Me: “Could you mean Eggslut?”

Woman Guest: “Yes, that is what I said: Eggs A Lot.”

Me: “Ah, yes, I can tell you where it is. But, ma’am, the name is not Eggs A Lot but Eggslut.”

I spell it out for her, and the woman’s eyes go wide.

Woman Guest: “Oh, my goodness! And that… That is allowed?”

Man Guest: “Okay, now I am interested! Where did you say this place was?!”

I gave them directions. The woman looked a bit shocked and hesitant, and the man had a sudden spring in his step. I hope neither of them was disappointed.

Our hotel holds a lot of weddings. There was always a wedding on the weekends, and sometimes there were five to seven in a day. The wedding guests usually stayed at the hotel, as well.

The bride and groom on this occasion were both from the east coast, so all their guests were also coming in from the east coast. To me, it honestly seemed like all the guests were on the same flight.

At 10:00 am on the morning of the wedding, everyone came into the lobby trying to check in early. We were fully booked the night before, so there were no available rooms at all. Most of the guests were extremely understanding, so they checked their bags and went to the bar.

HOWEVER, some of the guests I got were the furthest thing from understanding. They couldn’t understand that there were no rooms available at 10:00. They kept screaming at me, at the desk, in front of everyone.

Guests: “Well, I have a wedding! At your hotel! How do you not have our room?!”

Me: “Unfortunately, all of our rooms aren’t clean yet due to occupancy yesterday, but I will let you know as soon as a room is available.”

They didn’t like that answer. Another guest happened to come check out, and as soon as the guest in front of me heard, “I’d like to check out,” the wife screamed:

Guest #1: “THEY’RE CHECKING OUT! GIVE ME THEIR ROOM!”

Me: “Ma’am, that room isn’t clean yet. I’m unable to give it to you.”

Finally, after ten minutes of back and forth and tons of words yelled, they finally conceded and checked their bags.

As I was walking to the bell closet, the woman and her husband followed behind me.

Guest #1: *Yelling* “This is unacceptable! This is already a horrible experience.”

Guest #2: “If we miss the wedding, we’ll come for you!”

This was definitely a threat, and I should’ve canceled their reservation. But in the moment, I didn’t even register it as a threat because it happened so often, and honestly, I knew that management would get so angry about me canceling the reservation and would take the guests’ side! That property is the reason I left customer services entirely.

At the end of the day, their room was ready at 12:00 pm, but it was the worst room in the hotel, so I mark that as a win.

One day at my old hotel, a guest came to check in. He was an elderly man with a walker, and he was very sweet.

Guest: “I really need an accessible room with a roll-in shower. Most of your regular rooms have tub/shower combos, and I can’t use lift my leg to get into a tub. I had to book last-minute due to a family emergency, and only standard rooms were available.”

I double-checked the inventory and, yes, all accessible rooms were either rented or had been reserved for today. I started checking the arrivals list. Maybe one of our regulars had booked an accessible room by mistake — it happens — and would switch to a standard. But only one reservation had booked an accessible room, and it was through a third party, so there was no way to tell whether that person really needed it or not.

I was about to explain to [Guest] that we just didn’t have any accessible rooms available when I overheard my coworker greet and begin to check in a couple that walked up. This couple had the third-party reservation. I quickly excused myself from my station, dashed over to my coworker, and interrupted.

Me: “Do you need an accessible room, or would you prefer a standard king with a standard bathroom?”

The couple seemed confused. The third-party site hadn’t specified to them what kind of room they were getting, but they didn’t need a roll-in shower room.

I quickly told my coworker to switch their room with [Guest]’s room.

I went back to [Guest] and explained what was happening, and he walked over to the couple and gave them a hug.

Somehow, Serendipity was on our side and everyone got the room they wanted. [Guest] was very grateful, and we got a glowing review online.