Ron Service Isn’t Available

| Virginia, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Can I help you sir?”

Caller: “Yeah, I’m calling for a person. He is in room 159F.”

Me: “Sir, we don’t have a room with that number.”

Caller: “Are you sure? He is an old friend and said he was staying at this hotel.”

Me: “Yes sir, I am sure we don’t have that room. But if you give me his name, I can see if we have a guest with that name.”

Caller: “Ron.”

Me: “Last name?”

Caller: “I don’t know. He’s from Canada.”

Me: “Sorry sir, I need more to go on than that.”

Caller: “Can’t you just call every room and ask for a Ron from Canada?”

Me: “No sir. No I can’t.”

Caller: “It’s okay, I’ll hold.”

Naturally Stupid

| Minnesota, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Front desk, how can I help you?”

Customer: “There’s a noise outside and it’s keeping me awake.”

Me: “What does it sound like ma’am?”

Customer: “Squeaky toys or something. Do you allow dogs here?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, we do, but they’re all on the first floor. Let me see if we anyone is out back and I’ll call you right back to let you know what I find out.”

(I go and check out back and there isn’t anyone out there. However, the sound of the early spring frogs is deafening. I call her back.)

Me: “Ma’am, those are frogs.”

Customer: “Well, can you turn them off?”

Me: “No ma’am, they’re frogs.”

Customer: “Well, I didn’t come here for your nature sounds. I’m only staying here because I need a place to sleep. I refuse to pay for the sound of frogs.”

Me: “Well, the nature sounds are complimentary.”

Customer: “Oh, well…goodnight, then.”

Of Breath Smoke And Breast Strokes

| Asheville, NC, USA | Uncategorized

(A customer with children in tow tries to book a smoking room, but we are sold out.)

Customer’s kids: “We want to go swimming!”

Customer: “They don’t have any smoking rooms, and I gotta smoke. We have to go somewhere else.”

Customer’s kids: “Can’t you just go outside and smoke?”

Customer: “It’s snowing outside! Oh, you’d like it if I had to go out in the cold and snow just so you could go swimming, wouldn’t you?”

Me: “I can call the motel next door for you and see if they have any smoking rooms available.”

Customer’s kids: “But they have an indoor pool here! We want to go in the pool!”

Customer: “That’s all you do, isn’t it? All you do is think about yourself! I gotta smoke!”

Stuck In A Lupe

| Asheville, NC, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Hello this is [Hotel] how may I help?”

Caller: “Do you have a housekeeper named Guadalupe?”

Me: “No, I’m sorry, we don’t.”

Caller: “Or Lupe?”

Me: “No, sir.”

Caller: “I spent the night with her a week ago and I’m trying to find her. We had a good time. Guadalupe?”

Me: “Is it possible she goes by another name?”

Caller: “No. Guadalupe.”

Me: “There is no Guadalupe here.”

Caller: “Okay.”

(Two minutes later, the phone rings again.)

Me: “Hello this is [Hotel] how may I help?”

Caller: “What about Maria?”

When Logic Comes Crumbling Down

| Virginia, USA | Uncategorized

(It’s 1 am in late August.)

Me: “Hello, guest services.”

Guest: “Yes, my air conditioner has stopped working. Can you send a maintenance man up here right now to fix it?”

Me: “Sir, our maintenance guy will be here at 5 am. I can send him there as soon as he arrives. If the room is unbearable, I will gladly place you in a room with a working air conditioner.”

Guest: “No, I don’t want to switch rooms. If you can’t come up here yourself to fix it now, I am going to jump in your pool!”

Me: “Sir, the pool is closed for the night, but it will open at 7 am. Unfortunately, I am not sure how to fix your air conditioner. However, I will gladly put you in another room.”

Guest: “Listen here, either you fix the machine right now or you let me get in the pool! Or… let me have some cookies.”

Me: “Cookies, sir?”

Guest: “Yes, cookies!”

Me: “Sir, we have cookies down in the lobby 24/7. You are welcome to take all you want.”

Guest: “Ok, I’ll be right there!”

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