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    Jack Of All Trades, Master Of None

    , | Minnesota, USA |

    (A customer is trying to cancel a non-refundable reservation at a hotel…)

    Me: “I apologize sir, but we will not be able to issue a refund at this time.”

    Customer: “I am a doctor and will have to attend to an emergency at that time. So, you need to refund me.”

    Me: “Again, I apologize, sir, but as the hotel is unwilling to refund, we will be unable to refund you at this time.”

    Customer: “Well, I guess I will just have to see you in court. I am a lawyer and I am going to sue you.”

    Me: “Sir, as a lawyer, I am sure you read over the terms and conditions of your reservation. As I am sure you noted, this reservation is nonrefundable. If you’d like, I’d can review the terms and conditions with you…”

    Customer: “The Catholic Church is going to curse you! I am a lawyer for the Catholic Church and I will tell the bishop to curse you!”

    (At this point, I didn’t know what to say to this multitalented doctor and lawyer for the Catholic Church.)

    Occasionally, Minute Men Do Come In Handy

    | Quebec City, Canada |

    (Please note that I work in a beautiful 4-star hotel.)

    Me: “Good afternoon, how may I help you?”

    Husband: “We would like to have a room for tonight.”

    Me: “Okay, I have a room with a queen size bed. Is that okay for you?”

    Wife: “How much is it?”

    Me: “$127.”

    Husband: “Well, can you offer me a better price?”

    Me: “Unfortunately, I can’t.

    Husband: “Okay, that’s fine.”

    Me: “Here is your key; your room is on the 5th floor and is a VIP room. Have a nice stay!”

    (22 minutes later…)

    Wife: “We would like to have our money back.”

    Me: May I ask you why?

    Wife: “Uh, we don’t like the decoration.”

    Me: “I’m sorry madam, but I can’t give you your money back… you stayed in the room for 25 minutes.”

    Wife: “… and?!”

    Me: “Why didn’t you come back after 5 minutes?”

    Wife: “… because!”

    (We all know what they did during 25 minutes!)

    Also seen on: Not Always Romantic.

    Goodwill Running Out About… Now

    | Marion, IL, USA |

    Me: “Thank you for calling *** Inns and Suites, how may I help you tonight?”

    Customer: “Yes, my plane was delayed, so I need to cancel my reservation in Vegas and get a room here.”

    Me: “Oh, I’m sorry to hear that, sir. Let me look that up for you.”

    (I take his information, call the hotel, and talk them into canceling the reservation even though their policy said he should have had to pay for it because of the short notice. I put in the extra effort because I felt bad for the guy.)

    Me: “Okay, sir, I’ve taken care of that and made you a new reservation at a hotel there. Your total for the room is going to be $89.”

    Customer: “But my flight was delayed and I had to cancel my other reservation. My stay should be free!”

    Me: “Well, you’ll have to check with the airline. They should pay for all or part of your hotel stay.”

    Customer: “They told me you’d pay for it.”

    Me: “Sir, I’m sorry, but I’m not sure why they would have told you that. The airline is responsible for the delay. We are not and we can’t give you a free stay. You’re going to have to talk to them.”

    Customer: “Look, you’re going to give me a f****ing free night in the f****ing hotel here. You have to. My flight was canceled.”

    Me: “Sir, I have to ask you not to curse at me. I will terminate the call.”

    Customer: “Look, b****–” *click*

    (I received five or six hang up calls in the next 30 minutes, which I assume were his attempts to get another agent. Unfortunately for him, I was the only person working after midnight. I no longer felt bad for him.)

    Trust Me, He’ll Want To Wake Up For This

    | California, USA |

    (The fire alarm is going off at our extended-stay hotel. I get a call at the front desk.)

    Hotel Guest:¬†”What is that sound?”

    Me:¬†”That’s the fire alarm ma’am, please evacuate the building.”

    Hotel Guest: “Well, can you please turn it off? My son is sleeping.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, I can’t do that. Only the Fire Department can, once they inspect the building. Please take your son and evacuate the building immediately.”

    Hotel Guest:¬†”I can’t do that, he’s sleeping!”

    Me: *bangs head on the counter*

    Talk About Creepy

    | Raleigh, NC, USA | Top

    (It’s 3:30 am, and a hotel guest wanders into the back office that is clearly marked for staff only…)

    Guest: “My phone isn’t working. I need to call someone… it’s really important.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir. You can’t be back here. Please go back into the lobby and I will reset your phone line.”

    Guest: *points at a chair* “Can’t I sit here?”

    Me: “No. Go back out into the lobby, right now.”

    Guest: *sits down* “I came here with a girl and she left me. Now I need to call for another girl.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, really, but you can’t sit here. You can’t be back here. Please, go back into the lobby.”

    Guest: *gets up* “Sorry. I’m upset.”

    Me: “Give me a minute and I’ll reset your phone line and then call your room to see if it goes through.”

    (I reset his phone and call his room. He leaves, only to come back 5 minutes later.)

    Guest: “It still isn’t working. I’m really unhappy. Do you know where I can get a prostitute?”

    Me: “I’m sure if you walk outside on the street and go to the corner you can find one, but you can’t bring her back here.”

    Guest: “That isn’t safe.”

    Me: “I’m sorry… I can’t help you, sir.”

    Guest: “Are you a prostitute?”

    Me: “No!”

    Guest: “I’ll pay you $160.”

    Me: “Sir, I’m not a prostitute, and I’m going to call security.”

    Guest: “No, you won’t. You’re a prostitute. How about $280? How much do men normally pay?”

    Me: “Do I look like a prostitute? I’m a receptionist. I do paperwork and check people in. I don’t sleep with them.”

    Guest: “All of the girls that I know who are receptionists at night are prostitutes.”

    Me: “Well, I’m not. Can you please go back to your room?!”

    Guest: “I’m from Miami.”

    Me: “Good. Can you please go back to your room?”

    Guest: “Fine. Tomorrow I’m going to complain about the service here!”

    Me: “… because I won’t sleep with you for money?”

    Guest: “Will you just come sleep with me? I just need thirty minutes.”

    Me: “No.”

    Guest: “I’m talking to the manager tomorrow.”

    Me: “That’s fine, sir. Good luck…”

    (He finally leaves, and I make a note of this encounter. I discover the next day that he was refunded $20 due to my poor service. I have no idea what he told the receptionist when he checked out, but she clearly didn’t read my note!)

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