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    She Who Wears The Pants, Part 2

    | Calgary, Alberta, Canada |

    (I’m helping a couple check out at the front desk.)

    Me: “Okay, and how would you like to settle the bill?”

    Husband: “Put it on my card you have.”

    Wife: “No, put it on my credit card.” *hands me her credit card*

    Husband: “No! put it on my credit card!”

    Wife: “Don’t worry about him, just put it on mine.”

    Husband: *grabs wife’s credit card*

    Wife: “Fine, do what you want! I’m out of here!” *storms out of the hotel*

    (The husband runs out after his wife; 10 minutes passes by and he finally returns.)

    Husband, very quietly: “Put it on her card…”

    Related:
    She Who Wears The Pants

    Also seen on: Not Always Romantic.

    Raceless Accusations

    | New Braunfels, TX, USA |

    (At our hotel, the doors are locked at 10 pm due to a recent robbery and all transactions are done after that time through the teller window.)

    Me: “Honey, can I use the bathroom?”

    My husband: “Sure.” *lets me in and re-locks the door*

    (A customer comes to the door after seeing me go in and is redirected to the teller window.)

    Customer: “So, why do I have to check in through the window but she gets to go in?”

    My husband: “I went ahead and let her in since was just wanting to use the restroom.”

    Customer: *angrily* “Is it because I’m [race]?!”

    My husband: “Well, sir, it may have something to do with the fact that she’s a very small girl who couldn’t possibly pose a threat to me, but mostly it’s because she’s my wife.”

    Customer: “… Oh.”

    Team Building Retreat With The Reindeer

    | Merced, CA, USA |

    Me: “Good evening, [hotel]. This is Patrice. How can I help you?”

    Caller: “I’d like to check your availability for December 24th to the 26th.”

    Me: “We do have rooms available for those dates.”

    Caller: “I work for the government, and I’m wondering if you have the government discount?”

    Me: “Only government employees on official government business are eligible for our government rates.”

    Caller: “I’m on official business, then!”

    Me: “… You’re trying to book a room for Christmas.”

    Caller: *hangs up*

    I’m Sorry… That You And Your Son Are Idiots

    | Columbia, MD, USA | Top

    (The night before, I called the police because of a hit and run in the parking lot of my hotel. The cops put some kid in handcuffs because of a tip I gave them. The next night the kid’s mother found me.)

    Mom: “Hey! You’re the girl Alice that was working last night!”

    Me: “Yes ma’am, I am.”

    Mom: “You know that the cops put handcuffs on my 16 year-old son?”

    Me: “Yes ma’am, I was here for that.”

    Mom: “Well, the police told me a girl named Alice told them my son wrecked that car last night. I want to know why you told them that.”

    Me: “Well, ma’am. Your son was down here talking about the car accident he was involved in last night.”

    Mom: “But the cops put him in handcuffs!”

    Me: “…”

    Mom: “My son is only 16 years old, and they put him in handcuffs and didn’t even tell me!”

    Me: “Well, what would you like me to do about that?”

    Mom: “I want you to apologize.”

    Me: “For what?”

    Mom: “For calling to police and getting my son handcuffed!”

    Me: “You want me to apologize for reporting a crime?”

    Mom: “Yes!”

    Me: “Well, I’m not sorry.”

    Mom: “But the police put him in handcuffs!”

    Me: “Well, sounds like you have a problem with the police.”

    Mom: “Listen here, b****, I’m not leaving until you say you’re sorry!”

    Me: “You might be a while ma’am, because I’m not sorry!”

    On The Need For Male Role Models

    | California, USA |

    (While standing in line for the bathroom at a resort, I overhear two young boys talking.)

    Boy 1: “Why are the lines for the girl’s bathroom always longer? Is it because the boy’s bathroom has that special sink?”

    Boy 2: “You mean the urinal?”

    Boy 1: “Yeah. ‘Cause you can fit like five guys around it.”

    Boy 2: “Or, if they’re skinny, you can fit seven or eight.”

    Boy 1: “And if they’re FAT you can only fit two.”

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