The Hangover Doesn’t Taste So Suite

| USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Guest services, how can I help you?”

Caller: “You can help me by telling me what this 500 dollars is on my d*** bill!”

(After looking up his bill, I see that not only did they smoke a number of substances which they left evidence of in the room, but they also broke the entire bathroom mirror, and burned a heart design into the computer desk.)

Me: “Sir, it appears that have charge a fee on each of your rooms for damage as well as a fee for smoking in the room. This is a non-smoking property.”

Caller: “I can’t help what my girl does.”

Me: “I’m sorry sir, but we have a strict no-smoking policy, and you are responsible for the state of the room because you made the reservation.”

Caller: “I can’t help it! My girl likes to smoke afterwards!”

Me: “It also looks like you broke a mirror in one of the rooms.”

Caller: “That was Bibby. Bibby crazy, girl. Bibby crazy.”

Me: “Well sir, you made the reservations, so you are responsible for your girlfriend, as well as ‘Bibby’.”

Caller: “She ain’t my girlfriend, she just my girl.”

Me: “Someone burned a heart into the desk in one of the rooms, and we had to bring in a steam cleaner for both carpets, because of the vomit.”

Caller: “I told you Bibby was crazy.”

Me: “Well, sir, I’m sorry, but we are keeping the damage fee, even though ‘Bibby’ burned the desk.”

Caller: “Oh, no the desk was me.”

Me: “Then it is absolutely your responsibility.”

Caller: “It was a declaration of love, woman. She wanted a declaration of love!”

Me: “If you have any further questions, sir, you’re going to have to call our corporate customer care line.”

Caller: “It was for LOVE!”

Dog Teeth Are Not Rootine

| Chicago, IL, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “Excuse me, can I have a toothbrush?”

Me: “Sure.” *I hand her a toothbrush*

(The customer leaves, and she comes back about five minutes later.)

Me: “Do you need toothpaste?”

Customer: “Oh, no, I was just wondering if this toothbrush is ADA approved? It doesn’t say that on the label.”

Me: “That’s because we special order our toothbrushes in bulk. The box that the shipment comes in says it’s ADA approved, though, if you want me to show you that.”

Customer: “I should. Harry is very finicky about his teeth, and I forgot his toothbrush at home.”

(I get the box and show her that the toothbrush is ADA approved.)

Customer: “Oh, good, Harry will be so happy! Here, let me show you some pictures of my baby!”

(She takes out her wallet and shows me pictures of a golden retriever.)

Me: “Um…is Harry a dog?”

Customer: “Of course! He’s my baby!”

Me: “We don’t allow pets in this hotel.”

Customer: “Oh. Can I still keep the toothbrush?”

Just Give Them A Watered Down Answer

| Niagara Falls, ON, Canada | Uncategorized

(I work at a hotel half an hour away from Niagara Falls.)

Customer: “What time do the Falls stop?”

Me: “You mean the stores? I think they’re probably closed-”

Customer: “No, no, the Falls. What time do they run until?”

Me: “The lights? I believe 10 or so–”

Customer: “No, no, I mean the actual waterfall, what time do they turn it off?”

Me: “Midnight.”

(It’s about 11:30pm, so they thank me and run out. Two hours later, they return.)

Customer: “Thanks a lot for the help earlier! I guess it was our lucky day. They didn’t turn them off yet!”

The Devil Is In The Pre-Sales

| Pennslyvania, USA | Uncategorized

(I’m working at the hotel on Christmas Day.)

Customer, to husband: “See that girl there? She must be one of those devil worshipers! Why else would she be here on the day of Christ’s birth?”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “Who do you worship? Why are you working on Christmas? You worship the devil!”

Me: “Actually, I’m working because I don’t have any children. A lot of the other employees do so they’re home with their families.”

Customer: “Who do you worship?”

Me: “I’m a Christian.”

Customer: “DO NOT LIE! GOD WILL STRIKE YOU! GOD KNOWS ALL!”

Husband: *laughing* “Yes, just like Santa. He sees you when you’re sleeping and knows when you’re awake.”

Customer: “Santa has NOTHING to do with Christ. You’ll offend them both!”

Related:
The Devil Revils In The Details
The Devil Is In The Ridiculous Details
The Devil Is Definitely In The Details

Questionable Intelligence

| Alabama, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Good afternoon. Thank you for calling [hotel]. How may I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, can you tell me what room is beside 106?”

Me: “Um…room 107?”

Customer: “That’s the one! Thanks so much!” *hangs up*

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