November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

Not The Brightest Spark In The Firework Display

| CA, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Mae speaking. How can I help you?”

Customer: “I want to come down and stay at your hotel. I want to stay when the Fourth of July fireworks go off. Do you know when that is?”

Me: “On the…Fourth of July?”

Customer: “But, that’s on a Tuesday. We want to come on the weekend.”

Me: “I’m sorry, the Fourth of July fireworks show always goes off on the Fourth of July.”

Customer: *sternly* “Well, I guess you just lost business, didn’t you?!” *click*

(Dead) Wrong Number

| Anaheim, CA, USA | Hotels & Lodging, Uncategorized

(We have received dry cleaning, so I call a guest to let him know he can pick it up.)

Guest: “Steven’s Mortuary: You stab ’em, we slab ’em.”

Me: “Oh…hello. This is the front desk. I was just calling to let you know your dry cleaning is here.”

Guest: “Oh! Sorry, I thought you were someone else.”

Me: “That’s okay, sir. That was the most interesting call I’ve had all day.”

Safe To Say It’s Nacho Brightest Moment

| Pennsylvania. USA | Top

Me: “Good evening, guest services. This is ***, how my I assist you?”

Guest: “This is absolutely ridiculous! You need to get someone up here right now! This God d*** microwave in my room isn’t working! You had better fix this immediately!”

(Note: our hotel does not have microwaves in guest rooms unless the person is a VIP or if they request one in advance.)

Me: “I am so sorry, Mr. ***. I can certainly have someone come take a look at it right away. If I may ask, did housekeeping bring this microwave to your room?”

Guest: “No! It’s the microwave that is in the room! My nachos have been in this d*** thing for over 20 minutes and they’re not even hot yet!”

Me: “I see, sir. Can you tell me where it’s located in your room?”

Guest: “It’s the one that’s right under the television! I want my nachos and you better figure this out now!”

Me: “Sir, is this microwave an off-white color with a keypad on the right of it?”

Guest: “Yes!”

Me: “There’s not a little window like a normal microwave would have, is there? It’s just a little digital display screen, right?”

Guest: “That’s exactly it. It only displays how long I set the time for! I want my nachos 20 minutes ago. Can you get someone up here immediately?! This is absurd!”

Me: “Again, sir, I apologize that your nachos are not hot. However, I believe I’ve figured out what the problem is. The device you’re placing your nachos in is actually your safe.”

Guest: “Oh…oh my God. I’m so f***ing stupid!”

(He actually called back down later and apologized.)

Poppies And Muffins And Flies, Oh My

| CA, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “Excuse me, it looks like flies have laid eggs in your muffins.”

Me: “Actually, ma’am, those are poppy seeds.”

Customer: “No they’re not, they can’t be. Poppies are from ‘The Wizard of Oz.’ They’re not real.”

Me: “Actually, ma’am, they’re quite real.”

Customer: “Oh.” *turns to her approximately 8 year-old
“Don’t eat those! They’ll make you fall asleep!”

The Following Stupidity Takes Place In Real Time

| Boulder, CO, USA | Uncategorized

(A very intoxicated guest walks in at night.)

Me: “Good evening, how can I help you?”

Guest: “I lost the key to my room.”

Me: “Do you have your photo ID?”

Guest: “No, I lost it. My room number is 4321.”

(Our highest room number is 558.)

Me: “What is the name on the room?”

Guest: “Jack. Jack Bauer.”

Me: “We don’t have a Mr. Bauer staying with us tonight.”

Guest: “That’s ridiculous! Jack Bauer fights terrorism everywhere! All the time!”