November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

Turn Left At Berlin And Just Keep Going

| Johannesburg, South Africa | Uncategorized

(The phone rings in reception and I answer. Note that we’re a hotel in South Africa.)

Caller: “Please give directions to your hotel.”

Me: “Certainly, sir. From which direction will you be coming?”

Caller: “Germany.”

The Lion, The Witch, And The Toilet

| Arizona, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Front desk, how may I help you?”

Customer: “Where is the bathroom!?”

Me: “Are you referring to the lobby bathroom? That’s just down the hall from your room on the right side, towards the lobby.”

Customer: “No! I mean the bathroom in my room! It doesn’t have one!”

Me: “I can assure you it does, sir. Have you tried opening the door that you didn’t enter your room through?”

Customer: “Oh sh**! I thought that lead to another room.” *click*

The Lion, The Witch, And The Supply Cabinet

Up-Front Desk

| Perth, West Australia, Australia | Uncategorized

(A guest is checking in.)

Guest: “And would it be okay if I bring a prostitute to the room later?”

Me: *startled* “Uh. Well. I guess if no other guests are in anyway disturbed or affected.”

Guest: “Well, that’s terrific. She’ll be coming by at about 8:30pm. But if she looks ugly, just send her back without giving her my room number.”

Stuck In The Wake Of Spring Break

| San Antonio, TX, USA | Uncategorized

Guest: “Do you have any vacancies tonight?”

Me: “I’m sorry. We’re completely booked tonight.”

Guest: “Do you know if any other hotels in the area have any rooms?”

Me: “I’m sorry. I checked with all the hotels near us, and all of them are completely booked as well. I heard complaints from other people that they couldn’t find hotels anywhere else in town either.”

Guest: “What’s going on in town that’s causing it to be so busy?”

Me: “Spring break.”

Guest: “Oh. I didn’t think so many people would come here for that.”

Me: “I’m sorry. What brings you to town?”

Guest: “Spring break.”

Interior Design Supports Parental Decline

| Anaheim, CA, USA | Uncategorized

(It’s 9 pm and the hotel is sold out. A guest calls from the 8th floor. Note: our rooms have exterior entrances.)

Me: “Front desk, how can I help you?”

Guest: “I was wondering, do you had any rooms on a lower floor? My grandson is only two, but he can reach the safety lock. He keeps trying to go outside.”

Me: “The only rooms we have available tonight are on the 6th floor. I can set you up for a room transfer tomorrow, if you like?

Guest: “That would be great!”

Me: “I’ll look for one all the way to the ground floor. Is that okay?”

Guest: “That would be fine, thank you. I just don’t want my grandson getting outside, you know.”

Me: “Okay, I’ll go ahead and set you up for that. But just to let you know, the ground floor hasn’t been renovated yet. The room is going to be a little outdated. The renovation has only reached the 6th floor.”

Guest: “Oh really? You know what? Packing all my things up might be a little difficult. It’s okay, never mind!”