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    Common Sense Is Not That High-Reaching…

    | Red Deer, Alberta, Canada |

    (This was during a first-stage fire alarm in the hotel, which was already verified to be a false alarm.)

    Guest: *completely oblivious to the fire alarm* “The elevators aren’t working properly!”

    Me: “The elevators won’t work during a fire alarm, but we already know it’s a false alarm. It will take us about 5 minutes to reset the elevator doors. If you need to get to your room right now the stairs are just outside those doors.” *pointing*

    Guest: “Why won’t they work? I don’t get it.”

    Me: “In a real emergency such as a fire, it is unsafe for anyone to use the elevators. I assure you it’s a pretty standard procedure. If you need to get up right away I can show you the stairs.”

    Guest: “Well, that’s just unsafe! What do the people trapped on the upper floors do?! HOW DO THEY GET DOWN DURING A FIRE?!”

    Nearby Guest: *patiently waiting for the elevator to be re-set* “They use the same stairs you were told to use!”

    Guest: “Well, I’m not from the city, I don’t know these things!”

    Brazen Overtures Like Mints On Pillows

    | Little Rock, AR, USA |

    (It was my first night on the job. A woman just checked in and complained that there was “man hair” in her bed. I could tell she was tired, so I put her in a new room and even offered to carry her luggage for her, to which she declined. Two hours later, I wrote a short note saying, “I apologize for the hair in your bed. Please enjoy a free breakfast in the morning on me and I hope you enjoy your stay.” She approached the front desk moments later.)

    Customer: “Um, excuse me. What is this?”

    Me: “Well, I felt bad about the problem with your room so I was just trying to show some extra hospitality. I figured you would get it when you woke up in the morning.”

    Customer: “No! That’s not what this is. This is sexual harassment!”

    Me: “Excuse me? I was trying to be nice and hospitable because I felt bad about your situation.”

    Customer: “Do you have any idea what it’s like to be a female traveler, and to be harassed by employees and other male travelers?”

    Co-worker: “Ma’am, this is his first night working here. I assure you that he used his best judgment, and meant nothing sexual by his nice gesture.”

    Customer: “I’m sure he’s nice, but you need to tell him how to interact with female customers. Offering to help carry luggage and putting notes under doors is sexual harassment! I will not be staying here ever again!” *leaves*

    Me: *to co-worker* “Note to self: Don’t offer to carry luggage for a woman again or offer her a free breakfast coupon.”

    Co-worker: “I think she just wanted to think you were sexually harassing her.”

    Strange Math In These Here Parts

    | Flagstaff, AZ, USA |

    Customer: “What time is check in at your hotel?”

    Me: “3 pm.”

    Customer: “And check out?”

    Me: “11 am.”

    Customer: “Ok, so we got 4 hours.”

    Me: “Um, yeah…”

    Customer Of The Week: Pure Evil

    | Tennessee, USA | Old Comics

    Customer Of The Week:  Good Help
    Created by our friends at Quitting Time

    Original Story

    Time To Expand

    | Conway, AR, USA |

    Me: “Thank you for calling **** Hotel Reservations, this is ****, how may I help you?”

    Customer: “Yes, do you have any rooms?”

    Me: “For what night?”

    Customer: “Tonight.”

    Me: “I’m sorry sir; we’re all sold out.”

    Customer: “What do you mean, ‘sold out’?”

    Me: “That means we’ve sold all of our rooms for tonight.”

    Customer: “Don’t you have people who haven’t shown up yet?”

    Me: “Um…yes, but they’ve held their rooms with a credit card.”

    Customer: “Well, what does that mean?”

    Me: “If they don’t show up, we’re authorized to charge them, and it means that we must hold their rooms.”

    Customer: “So you’re telling me that you don’t have ANY rooms?”

    Me: “No sir, we don’t.”

    Customer: “That’s ridiculous. You’re refusing to sell me empty rooms? And what hotel doesn’t have enough rooms?”

    Me: “Sir, we can only build so many rooms.”

    Customer: “That doesn’t make any sense. May I speak to your manager?”

    Me: “I’m the manager on duty.”

    Customer: “Well, you’ve been no help at all. I’m going to be calling corporate about this.”

    Me: “About the fact that we’re sold out for the night?”

    Customer: “Yes.”

    Me: “Um…Ok.”

    Customer: “You’ve been very unhelpful!” *click*

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