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    Why Husbands Need Training Wheels

    | Albuquerque, NM, USA |

    Me: “Sir, it says we have you in a room with two queen size beds. Is that correct?”

    Wife: “That’s right. At home, we have a Tempur-Pedic bed, so when we stay places, we need two beds.”

    Husband: “Yeah, I flail–”

    Wife: “–he bounces in his sleep–”

    Husband: “–and not in the good way.”

    Wife: “Yeah, it starts out as the good kind of bouncing, and then it doesn’t stop–”

    Husband: “Yes, honey, that’s TMI. TMI!”

    General Housekeeping

    | Edmond, OK, USA |

    (A hotel guest walks in with his significant other and approaches the front desk.)

    Me: “How can I help you?”

    Hotel guest: “You wouldn’t happen to have like, tarps and scalpels?”

    Me: “…No…sorry.”

    Hotel guest: “Worth a shot!” *returns to hotel room*

    Honesty Is The Best Return Policy

    | Michigan, USA | Top

    (A hotel guest called down for seven extra towels night before. I see her leaving the hotel with beach towels and several of ours stuffed in between.)

    Me: “Ma’am… excuse me, ma’am! I think you’ve mistakenly grabbed a few of our towels by mistake.”

    Customer: “No, I haven’t!”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am, you have. I can see a few with our emblem on them.”

    Customer: “Oh, no! Those are from last time we were here!”

    Me: “Oh…well it was very thoughtful of you to come all this way to return them!”

    (Defeated, she hands me the towels.)

    Customer: “It’s not like you don’t have any extras!”

    What You See Is What You Can’t Comprehend

    | Worcestershire, UK, USA |

    (The hotel was hosting a conference. At lunchtime, I was serving at the dessert table which had a variety of different desserts and a large fruit bowl with a pineapple as the centerpiece.)

    Man: “Is that pineapple real?”

    Me: “Huh? Oh, yes it is. We put it there just as decoration, but I could get the chef to cut it up for you if you’d like.”

    Man: “No, I just wondered…. How about those apples, are they real?”

    Me: “Yes they are; all the fruit is real. Actually, we aren’t allowed to use fake fruit in decorating here anymore.”

    Man: “Really? Why not?”

    Me: “Because people kept trying to eat them and hurt their mouths.”

    Man: “You’re joking! How could they not tell the difference?”

    Me: “I…don’t know sir. Did you want any dessert?”

    Man: “Um…are the strawberries real?”

    Me: “Yes, sir.”

    Man: “Hm, they look pretty real. I’ll have some of those.”

    Camping By Any Other Name

    | Lexington Park, MD, USA |

    Me: *on the phone* “Thank you for calling the *** Lexington Park, this is ***, how can I help you?”

    Caller: “Yes, I’d like to make a reservation for tonight, leaving tomorrow.”

    Me: “I’m sorry ma’am, but we’re sold out for tonight.”

    Caller: “Sold out? You mean you don’t have anything?”

    Me: “No, I apologize. We are completely sold out.”

    Caller: “You can’t be! I need a room. I mean, I’ll take anything! Do you have any suites left?”

    Me: “No, ma’am. No more rooms left. That’s what ‘sold out’ means. Everyone has checked into their rooms already.”

    Caller: “I don’t believe you! Hotels always have some kind of room set aside for people when they’re sold out.”

    Me: “Well… I could fix a roll away bed up on the roof for you if you like. It’s gonna rain a little later, so I hope you don’t mind getting wet.”

    Caller: “Really? That would be great! Thank you so much! How much does it cost?”

    Me: “Have a good day, ma’am…”

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