Inn-Experienced Guest, Part 2

| Saint John, NB, Canada | Uncategorized

Guest: “So, is this hotel open 24 hours?”

Me: “Yes, it is.”

Guest: “Really?”

Me: “Yes, otherwise we would have to kick everyone out at 11 pm so we could go home.”

Related:
Inn-Experienced Guest

Room Service Goes Down The Toilet

| OK, USA | Uncategorized

(A guest staying in the hotel calls the Front Desk at 3:30 AM.)

Me: “Front Desk.”

Guest: *slurring* “I messed my bed!”

Me: “What do you mean by ‘mess’, sir?”

Guest: “I mean I s*** my bed. You are gonna have to come clean it up!”

Me: “You are more than welcome to come down to the–”

Guest: “You are gonna come clean this up! I need new sheets!”

Me: “Sir, I am sorry, but I am not coming to your room to clean up your feces. I can give you fresh sheets at the front desk.”

Guest: “You are going to clean my s***!”

(This goes back and forth for several minutes, when I look in the computer to see that the guest is in a room with two beds.)

Me: “Sir, are you in this room by yourself?”

Guest: “Yes!”

Me: “Is the other bed broken?”

Guest: “No!”

Me: “Could you, perhaps, sleep in the other bed until housekeeping can give you fresh sheets?”

Guest: “You won’t charge me for using the other bed?”

Married To No One Inn Particular

| Annapolis, MD, USA | Hotels & Lodging, Spouses & Partners, Uncategorized

(I’m checking in a woman who walked into our hotel. We have 2 rooms left, and are one of the pricier hotels in the area.)

Me: “Your room will be [price] plus tax per night.”

Customer: “You don’t have anything cheaper?”

Me: “Not right now. We are almost sold out tonight.”

Customer: “Not triple A?”

Me: No, I’m sorry.

Customer: *mumbling* “My house burned down!”

Me: “I’m very sorry.”

Customer: *mumbling* “I’m dying!”

Me: “Uhm…”

Customer: “My husband just died!”

Me: “Ma’am?”

Customer: “He was in the military! I want a room for a hundred dollars less!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but we don’t ever offer rooms that low. There are hotels right across the street that do, though.”

Customer: “No! I want to stay here! My husband loves this place. It’s the only place he will stay.”

Me: “Your deceased husband?”

Customer: “Uh, no, the other one.”

Me: “Your other husband?”

Customer: “Just give me a room.”

(She gets keys, walks out of the hotel, and returns with a man.)

Customer: “See, he isn’t dead!”

Me: “I’m glad to see that.”

Customer: *to man* “She was trying to kill you!”

Weeding Out The Good Customers

| Outer Banks, NC, USA | Hotels & Lodging, Uncategorized

(It is a slow night and I am working with a co-worker when a guy walks in.)

Co-Worker: “Hi! How can I help you?”

Customer: “Do you have a room for tonight?”

Co-Worker: “Just tonight?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Co-Worker: “How many in your party?”

Customer: “Just one.”

Co-Worker: “Do you have a smoking preference?”

Customer: “Weed?”

Me: *just hearing the last part of the conversation* “What?”

Co-Worker: “We’re keeping him.”

Excuses That Don’t Hold Water

| Orlando, FL, USA | Hotels & Lodging, Liars & Scammers, Uncategorized

Me: “Thanks for calling [hotel], how can I help you?”

Customer: “I need a room next weekend. My kid has a swim meet down there.”

Me: “Okay. Rooms with two doubles are going for $135.”

Customer: “Give me a corporate rate on that room.”

Me: “Sir, corporate rates are for business travel. You just told me you were coming for a swim meet.”

Customer: “Well, uh, I sell swimsuits!”

Related:
Logic That Doesn’t Hold Water

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