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    Camping By Any Other Name

    | Lexington Park, MD, USA |

    Me: *on the phone* “Thank you for calling the *** Lexington Park, this is ***, how can I help you?”

    Caller: “Yes, I’d like to make a reservation for tonight, leaving tomorrow.”

    Me: “I’m sorry ma’am, but we’re sold out for tonight.”

    Caller: “Sold out? You mean you don’t have anything?”

    Me: “No, I apologize. We are completely sold out.”

    Caller: “You can’t be! I need a room. I mean, I’ll take anything! Do you have any suites left?”

    Me: “No, ma’am. No more rooms left. That’s what ‘sold out’ means. Everyone has checked into their rooms already.”

    Caller: “I don’t believe you! Hotels always have some kind of room set aside for people when they’re sold out.”

    Me: “Well… I could fix a roll away bed up on the roof for you if you like. It’s gonna rain a little later, so I hope you don’t mind getting wet.”

    Caller: “Really? That would be great! Thank you so much! How much does it cost?”

    Me: “Have a good day, ma’am…”

    Common Sense Is Not That High-Reaching…

    | Red Deer, Alberta, Canada |

    (This was during a first-stage fire alarm in the hotel, which was already verified to be a false alarm.)

    Guest: *completely oblivious to the fire alarm* “The elevators aren’t working properly!”

    Me: “The elevators won’t work during a fire alarm, but we already know it’s a false alarm. It will take us about 5 minutes to reset the elevator doors. If you need to get to your room right now the stairs are just outside those doors.” *pointing*

    Guest: “Why won’t they work? I don’t get it.”

    Me: “In a real emergency such as a fire, it is unsafe for anyone to use the elevators. I assure you it’s a pretty standard procedure. If you need to get up right away I can show you the stairs.”

    Guest: “Well, that’s just unsafe! What do the people trapped on the upper floors do?! HOW DO THEY GET DOWN DURING A FIRE?!”

    Nearby Guest: *patiently waiting for the elevator to be re-set* “They use the same stairs you were told to use!”

    Guest: “Well, I’m not from the city, I don’t know these things!”

    Brazen Overtures Like Mints On Pillows

    | Little Rock, AR, USA |

    (It was my first night on the job. A woman just checked in and complained that there was “man hair” in her bed. I could tell she was tired, so I put her in a new room and even offered to carry her luggage for her, to which she declined. Two hours later, I wrote a short note saying, “I apologize for the hair in your bed. Please enjoy a free breakfast in the morning on me and I hope you enjoy your stay.” She approached the front desk moments later.)

    Customer: “Um, excuse me. What is this?”

    Me: “Well, I felt bad about the problem with your room so I was just trying to show some extra hospitality. I figured you would get it when you woke up in the morning.”

    Customer: “No! That’s not what this is. This is sexual harassment!”

    Me: “Excuse me? I was trying to be nice and hospitable because I felt bad about your situation.”

    Customer: “Do you have any idea what it’s like to be a female traveler, and to be harassed by employees and other male travelers?”

    Co-worker: “Ma’am, this is his first night working here. I assure you that he used his best judgment, and meant nothing sexual by his nice gesture.”

    Customer: “I’m sure he’s nice, but you need to tell him how to interact with female customers. Offering to help carry luggage and putting notes under doors is sexual harassment! I will not be staying here ever again!” *leaves*

    Me: *to co-worker* “Note to self: Don’t offer to carry luggage for a woman again or offer her a free breakfast coupon.”

    Co-worker: “I think she just wanted to think you were sexually harassing her.”

    Strange Math In These Here Parts

    | Flagstaff, AZ, USA |

    Customer: “What time is check in at your hotel?”

    Me: “3 pm.”

    Customer: “And check out?”

    Me: “11 am.”

    Customer: “Ok, so we got 4 hours.”

    Me: “Um, yeah…”

    Customer Of The Week: Pure Evil

    | Tennessee, USA | Old Comics

    Customer Of The Week:  Good Help
    Created by our friends at Quitting Time

    Original Story

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