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  • Cause For Pregnant Pause, Part 6
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    Three Cents Of Nonsense

    | Salt Lake City, UT, USA | Money

    Me: “Thank you for calling guest relations. This is ******* speaking, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “Yes, you guys overcharged me and I will accept nothing short of a full refund. This is ridiculous.”

    Me: “I’d be more than happy to help. Do you have your confirmation number?”

    Customer: “Yes. It’s ********.”

    Me: “Great. One moment, please.”

    (I look at their reservation history.)

    Me: “Okay, sir. So I’m showing you have a reservation arriving tonight. One king bed, non-smoking, booked at a rate of $1297.66. What were you quoted?”

    Customer: “I was quoted a rate of $1297.63.”

    Me: “So you were misquoted by 3 cents?”

    Customer: “Yes. And I demand the rate I was quoted be honored.”

    Me: “But it’s 3 cents…”

    Customer: “YOU **** corporations! WHY ARE YOU RIPPING ME OFF!?”

    Precision Pillows

    | British Columbia, Canada |

    (On the phone…)

    Customer: “Hi, I want to book a room with 2 beds for tomorrow.”

    Me: “Sure thing sir, lucky for you we’re not busy this weekend and have several rooms available. ”

    Customer: “Great, and how many pillows do the beds have?”

    Me: “Umm, I think there’s 2 on each bed.”

    Customer: “Can you check?”

    Me: “Okay….I’ll just be a moment.”

    (I go and check the nearest room’s bed and the next room along to be safe.)

    Me: “Yes, 2 per bed.”

    Customer: “So my room will have 2 pillows on each bed?”

    Me: “That’s correct, sir.”

    Customer: “I only like one pillow on my bed, can you give me a different room with a bed that only has one pillow on one of the beds?”

    Me: “Umm…you could always just take the other pillow off your bed when you go to sleep.”

    Customer: “What? No, I want one of the rooms with one less pillow on one bed.”

    Me: “Sir, we don’t have rooms with specific numbers of pillows–”

    Customer: “–but you have rooms with specific number of beds!”

    Me: “Yes…that’s pretty much the norm, sir…”

    Customer: “Don’t get smart honey, I want a room with 2 beds, 2 pillows on one of them but only 1 on the other. That’s what I want.”

    Me: *sigh* “Okay sir, I’ll personally remove one of the bed’s pillows before you arrive tomorrow, how’s that?”

    Customer: “Good, that works for me. Hang on, are the pillows thick fluffy ones or skinny flat ones? Because if they’re skinny, I’ll just keep both of them.”


    No More Miss Cleo For You

    | Salt Lake City, UT, USA |

    Me: “Thank you for calling guest relations. This is *** speaking. How may I help you?”

    Customer: “Yes. One of your hotels stole something from me and I would like you to return that item to me or I will sue you.”

    Me: “We will certainly conduct an investigation. What property was it left at?”

    Customer: “The [hotel chain name].”

    Me: “Ok…what city and state?”

    Customer: “The [hotel chain name]!”

    Me: “I understand which brand name…can you please tell me the location of the property?”

    Customer: “It’s on Bradford.”

    Me: “Ok, and what city and state is that in?”

    Customer: “By the ocean.”

    Me: “Ok….which city and state?”

    Customer: “Florida. It’s not my job to tell you where it’s located…”

    Me: “Well, as I’m sure you can appreciate, we have over 3,000 properties in the US alone. So I will need you tell me which City in Florida this is located…”

    (Customer provides name of city.)

    Me: “Ok, great. And this is the [hotel chain name] on Bradford, correct? So what is missing?”

    Customer: “I don’t know.”

    Me: “You don’t know?”

    Customer: “No. I visited my psychic this week, and she told me that one of the employees at that hotel where I just came from this past weekend, stole something from me. The employee is female with dark hair and her name starts with an ‘M’.”

    Me: “Ok…but can you tell me what you’re missing please? That way I can have this documented and the hotel can investigate the situation.”


    Me: “Ma’am, I certainly apologize for any inconvenience experienced…but I’m sure you can appreciate that I would need to know what was taken to forward over to the hotel. Have you gone through your items?”

    Customer: “Yes.”

    Me: “And?”

    Customer: “I can’t find anything. But your hotel better return my items or I will sue you!”

    Me: “I’d love to help you. Please call us back when you have discovered what was missing. Thank you.”

    Must Have Been A Looooong Pregnancy

    | Seattle, WA, USA |

    Pregnant Customer: “I want to be reimbursed because I did not get a ground floor unit, because I was promised one when I booked the reservation due to the fact that I’m pregnant.”

    Agent: “But ma’am, you booked this reservation eleven months in advance.”

    Maybe If You Click Your Heels Three Times

    | Kansas, USA |

    Me: “Welcome to the Award Winning XXXXXX, How may I help you?”

    Potential Guest on the Phone: “I would like a room.”

    Me: “And when would you be arriving sir?”

    Guest: “Huh?”

    Me: “When do you want the room?”

    Guest: “Oh! Tonight…”

    Me: “I’m sorry sir, but we are completely booked tonight, would you like me to provide the number of a nearby establishment?”

    Guest: “You got no rooms? Can’t you just give me one of the emergency rooms?”

    Me: “I’m sorry sir, we don’t have any rooms like that, we sell our rooms until we are out. We don’t keep any rooms for ‘emergencies.’”

    Guest: “Oh, you have suites too don’t you?”

    Me: “Yes, we do, but we are completely booked, so there are no rooms available, every kind.”

    Guest: “No rooms?”

    Me: “No rooms.”

    Guest: “No Suites?”

    Me: “I’m sorry sir, we have no rooms of any kind, Suite or otherwise, now unless you want to book a room for another night, I am going to have to hang up.”

    Guest: “No rooms?”


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