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    Hear No Evil, Get Blinded By No Evil

    | Wyoming, USA |

    Me: “Can I help you, sir?”

    Customer: “Yes, I’d like to change my room. I’m on the first floor and my window faces the outside, but I like to walk around naked with the curtains open.”

    (I search his face for hint of a joke, but I see none; he seems completely serious.)

    Me: “Of course, sir, I can put you on the fifth floor and make sure your window doesn’t face any other rooms.”

    Customer: “Thank you, that’d be great!”

    (I finish the room change and proceed to help the next customer.)

    Me, to the next customer: “Can I help you, sir?”

    Next customer: “Sorry, I just had visions of sugarplums dancing in my head…”

    An Idiot At Hand Is Worth Two In The Bush

    | Pennsylvania, USA |

    (Note: GPS systems in the area around our hotel rarely work.)

    Caller:: “I’m lost. How do I get to you?”

    Me: “Where are you?”

    Caller:: “I don’t know! I’m lost!”

    Me: “What are you near?”

    Caller:: “Bushes.”

    Me: “You’re going to have to be more precise. I can’t tell where you are just by your description.”

    Caller:: “They’re small bushes!”

    Why Husbands Need Training Wheels

    | Albuquerque, NM, USA |

    Me: “Sir, it says we have you in a room with two queen size beds. Is that correct?”

    Wife: “That’s right. At home, we have a Tempur-Pedic bed, so when we stay places, we need two beds.”

    Husband: “Yeah, I flail–”

    Wife: “–he bounces in his sleep–”

    Husband: “–and not in the good way.”

    Wife: “Yeah, it starts out as the good kind of bouncing, and then it doesn’t stop–”

    Husband: “Yes, honey, that’s TMI. TMI!”

    General Housekeeping

    | Edmond, OK, USA |

    (A hotel guest walks in with his significant other and approaches the front desk.)

    Me: “How can I help you?”

    Hotel guest: “You wouldn’t happen to have like, tarps and scalpels?”

    Me: “…No…sorry.”

    Hotel guest: “Worth a shot!” *returns to hotel room*

    Honesty Is The Best Return Policy

    | Michigan, USA | Top

    (A hotel guest called down for seven extra towels night before. I see her leaving the hotel with beach towels and several of ours stuffed in between.)

    Me: “Ma’am… excuse me, ma’am! I think you’ve mistakenly grabbed a few of our towels by mistake.”

    Customer: “No, I haven’t!”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am, you have. I can see a few with our emblem on them.”

    Customer: “Oh, no! Those are from last time we were here!”

    Me: “Oh…well it was very thoughtful of you to come all this way to return them!”

    (Defeated, she hands me the towels.)

    Customer: “It’s not like you don’t have any extras!”


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