We have just started branding ourselves as a pet-friendly hotel and the wave of fake service animals has been mind-boggling. Management has now encouraged us to be more confrontational with these guests. We now HAVE to ask the purpose/task provisions and establish whether or not a pet qualifies, including the distinction of ESAs (emotional support animals) versus regular service animals.

That said, a good majority of guests with ESAs end up agreeing that they are not service animals and pay our pet fee.

Today though, a guest became the bad example that I will refer to for times to come. I’m no stranger to bull-s***tery, but this guy was ADVANCED.

Me: “Welcome! Could you provide an ID and reservation number please?”

Guest: “Yes, I’d also like to let you know that I have a service animal with me today. I do have paperwork, but I’m not required to provide it by federal waw.”

Me: “That’s perfectly alright, but may we ask what service your dog provides?”

Guest: “ESA.”

Me: “I’m sorry, could you elaborate a bit more?”

Guest: “It’s an ESA. It’s in the name. I’m not sure what you mean.”

Me: “What does that stand for?”

Guest: “Emotional Support Animal. Again, I don’t have to disclose anything unless it’s the FAA asking before a flight. Refer to State Penal Code Section 1800. Why are you asking me these questions when it’s against the law to ask for documentation?”

Me: “I’m only allowed to ask a set of two questions, sir, they help to verify service animal status and allow us to provide absolute access to the owner and animal.”

Guest: “I’ll show my documentation if you want but it’s illegal. Why is this a problem?”

At this point, I’m kind of flabbergasted. This guy is so defensive and deceitful of the rip… and it’s only been four days since we started accepting pets in.

He drops some more reasons why it’s a service dog. We just smile and move on.

After the guest left, I spoke with the agent and validated his decision to proceed without argument. I understand that challenging this bad behavior is the solution to stopping it, but this dude seemed like he’d make a whole lot more trouble than what a pet fee was worth.

I am a night auditor for a hotel. I come in tonight and for some reason, our general manager is here, long past his usual check-out time. He asks me to come talk to him in the office and has a whole little speech ready to go.

General Manager: “Hey there, [My Name]. I want you to know from the start how much I appreciate you. We’ve had so much trouble keeping people on the second shift and you’ve been really great with covering those hours. Everyone has appreciated you stepping up and understands it’s been really dragging on you. But there’s no excuse for drinking beer at the front desk. Thankfully none of the guests have seen you drinking, but it’s not a good road to start down. I’ve seen plenty of great night auditors like you end up in serious trouble and it all starts with a couple of beers during your shift. You’re better than that and we want you to be the best. So please get rid of the beer you have left in the fridge and clock in.”

Me: “Wait a second, what beers?”

General Manager: “The four beers left in the fridge. I want them dumped out and in the trash before you start work tonight.”

Me: “You mean my ginger beer?”

General Manager: “I don’t care what it’s made from, drinking on the job isn’t going to help anything.”

I go to the fridge, grab one of my ginger beers and hand it to my boss.

Me: “It’s ginger beer, not much different than root beer, but made with ginger. There’s no alcohol in it at all and I’ve been drinking it to help with my congestion.”

My boss examines the can, reading everything on it until he sees “NON-ALCHOLIC SODA” printed under the ingredients. He tosses me back the can and says nothing. I clock in and I’m doing the count like usual when he leaves. On his way out he apologizes and does his best to avoid eye contact.

One fine evening, I am about to do my nightly rollover, when one of my no-shows shows up. Not a problem; happens a lot. They are a happy young couple, whose arrival was delayed by nasty weather on the pass. Paperwork is shuffled, and I am making the keys…

Woman Guest: “Does the room have a bathtub? I’m really sore.”

I smile reassuringly.

Me: “Oh, not to worry. All of our rooms have bathtubs in this hotel.” *I look at the registration card in my hand.* “…Except yours. You’ve booked our ADA-accessible room with a roll-in shower.”

Seeing their faces fall, I am quick to reassure again.

Me: “No, no, no worries, I can just switch you to a different room… Oh, you prepaid online. We aren’t supposed to change room types with those.”

I give them my best ‘I am about to do something naughty’ grin.

Me: “Unless something is wrong with the room, and we don’t have any other rooms of that type.”

There follows some shuffling of paperwork, a couple of deft clicks of the mouse, and new keys made.

Me: “There we go, all settled. Ahem, I am officially very sorry that we couldn’t accommodate you in your original booking of a single queen room with an ADA-compliant roll-in shower, and I have instead switched you to a Single King Deluxe, with a tub, at no additional charge to you. Very sorry about the ‘plumbing issue’.”

They have delighted smiles as I hand them the keys.

Woman Guest: “Plumbing issue?”

Me: “Well, the missing tub, of course! Sleep well!”

I thought the young lady was going to pass out laughing.

So basically, it’s common sense to most — not including the fact we tell people not to park there — that emergency parking is for emergency vehicles. Generally, people understand that if there is an emergency, first responders may need the best access and don’t need to try to maneuver around your car or vehicle while working.

Now since it is right in front of our lobby, we give some leeway to let people to get their stuff out and check-in before they need to move their car, we don’t mind if you take fifteen minutes to take care of things regarding getting situated or the like. If you leave it there, we usually call the room and as I said, most people understand and move the car.

No fuss no muss. Simple concept.

I walk into my shift seeing a white car parked in the emergency area. Nothing too out of the ordinary, and I walk to the front desk and as I take my place, the supervisor — who works the previous shift — informs me that the guest has parked his car there, checked-in, and hasn’t moved it in three hours.

We have already told him twice to move the car and he has brushed off the requests, after that we will tell him one last time and give him thirty minutes before we call the city’s towing service to come and pick up a car.

I sigh and call the room.

Me: “Sir, we need to see you at the front desk.”

Silence… then a low mumble of him agreeing. I wait for fifteen minutes handling a check-in or two before he shows up.

Me: “Hello, sir, are you from [room]?”

Guest: *Already irritated.* “Yeah, what’s this about?”

Me: “Well, sir, I am sure you’ve already been informed that your car is in our emergency parking area and need to be moved.”

Guest: “Why do I need to move my car?!”

Me: “Um… it’s our emergency parking area, sir. Only emergency vehicles are allowed to park there.”

Guest: “It’s not like there is an emergency going out right now!”

Me: “That doesn’t really matter whether or not there is an emergency or not at the moment. It isn’t a parking space that is predicated on time or whether or not there is an emergency. That area needs to stay clear in case an emergency happens.”

He sneers and crosses his arms.

Guest: “So what are you going to do about it if I don’t move my car? Huh?”

I frown but he should know the consequences.

Me: “I’ll call The City to tow your car.”

Guest: “You’re not gonna tow my car!”

He laughs, already walking away. I level a flat look at him walking away. I do wait the customary thirty minutes that I told him I would wait to see if he would heed my advice and he doesn’t come back. 

A small call and interaction with the tow truck driver later and our emergency parking area is clear once again.

When he returns — three hours later — he looks around in the lot in confusion before realization dawns on his face and he storms back in, scowling and ready to deck me.

Guest: “What did you do?!”

I look him straight in the eye.

Me: “I had your car towed.”

Guest: “Why?!”

Me: “Because you were parked… in… the… emergency area!”

I am handling a guest’s check-in. Nothing out of the ordinary, but I think he is a bit forceful and intimidating when he speaks to me.

Guest: “I want a late checkout, around 1 PM.”

Me: “We can accommodate that, but as you’ve booked a prepaid non-refundable reservation through a third party, I’ll have to make a new reservation for your late checkout. As per our policy, you’ll have to pay for half a day.”

Third parties suck. I explain why a new reservation would be necessary if he wanted a 1 PM checkout. I also charge half of the third party’s rate; it has to be the hotel’s rate. He is super understanding and polite about it and thanks me for my help.

I note the 1 PM checkout in three different places. I write it in my recap email (which goes to both my managers and the next front desk agent coming in, so we can all stay updated on what’s going on), in the notes within his reservation, and in housekeeping’s notes so they’ll know he’ll be there until 1 PM. 

He asks me for a corkscrew that night. Not a strange request at all. I actually bought a corkscrew for the hotel because they only had a bottle opener, so I give it to him to use. He never returns it.

The next afternoon he storms into the lobby after getting a courtesy call from the front desk around 1:30 PM regarding his late checkout and how payment would be for a full night if he didn’t check out by 2 PM. 

He reeks of alcohol and starts yelling at the front desk assistant.

Guest: “I was told that I could stay until 8 PM for a half day’s price!”

Coworker: “Uh, no, I’m certain we didn’t say that.”

Guest: “The guy who was here last night told me I could stay until 8 PM. And then he said that the manager told him it was okay over the phone.”

My coworker holds steady and doesn’t humor his lies. And when someone won’t believe your lies, what’s left for a grown-a** man to do but start screaming and making threats? So that’s exactly what he does.

He insults my coworker, sits down at the high-top table in the lobby and just stares at her maliciously, and then gets back up to scream some more. He demands to see the manager, so my coworker called her and she said they’ll be here as soon as possible.

More screaming. More insults. More threats.

Coworker: “Sir, you need to leave.”

Guest: “I’ll figure out where you live and what your full name is so I can get back at you! If you try to throw me out of here, I’ll call the cops!”

Coworker: “Good idea, let’s call the cops!”

And she does. My manager arrives and tells this guy he needs to get his stuff and get out. Of course, he refuses and wants a full refund. Nope.

The police get here, and he slips out the side door to try and get in his car. The police stop him and tell him he can’t drive while he is so drunk, and that his wife needs to drive and he would just have to come back and get his car when he is sober. Most importantly, they tell him he’ll be arrested if he comes back inside to start his s*** again.

He finally leaves, but apparently, while he was pouting while we were waiting for the police to get there, he made another prepaid non-refundable reservation through a third party, most likely as an attempt to prevent us from throwing him out.

Well, later that night I got a call from a third-party customer service representative saying that she, “had a client on the phone who says he was forced to leave the hotel for no reason and was denied a refund.” She asked if I could explain, and I did. I told her that he’d been removed by the police after drunkenly threatening the staff.

Third-Party Rep: “Well can you at least cancel and refund his reservation for tonight?”

Me: “Uh, no, I’m not authorized to cancel any prepaid non-refundable reservations.”

What part of “non-refundable” does she not understand?

Third-Party Rep: “So you’re refusing to give my client a refund?”

Me: “No ma’am, I’m saying I can’t cancel third-party reservations.”

Third-Party Rep: “I’ll tell my client that you’re refusing a refund then. Can I have your name for the record?”

Imagine the sheer audacity it takes to, after making threats and being evicted by the police, go crying to the online travel agent and asking for a refund because he was unfairly denied a room!

No, sir, you can’t stay until 8 PM without paying for it. Seems a logical conclusion to make, but with people like them, logic doesn’t enter into the equation.