Not Always Right on Facebook Not Always Right on Twitter Not Always Right Unfiltered on Tumblr
Featured Story:
  • The Offer Is Sub-Standard
    (1,834 thumbs up)
  • August Theme Of The Month: We Are Closed!
    Submit your story today!

    Naturally Stupid

    | Minnesota, USA |

    Me: “Front desk, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “There’s a noise outside and it’s keeping me awake.”

    Me: “What does it sound like ma’am?”

    Customer: “Squeaky toys or something. Do you allow dogs here?”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am, we do, but they’re all on the first floor. Let me see if we anyone is out back and I’ll call you right back to let you know what I find out.”

    (I go and check out back and there isn’t anyone out there. However, the sound of the early spring frogs is deafening. I call her back.)

    Me: “Ma’am, those are frogs.”

    Customer: “Well, can you turn them off?”

    Me: “No ma’am, they’re frogs.”

    Customer: “Well, I didn’t come here for your nature sounds. I’m only staying here because I need a place to sleep. I refuse to pay for the sound of frogs.”

    Me: “Well, the nature sounds are complimentary.”

    Customer: “Oh, well…goodnight, then.”

    Of Breath Smoke And Breast Strokes

    | Asheville, NC, USA |

    (A customer with children in tow tries to book a smoking room, but we are sold out.)

    Customer’s kids: “We want to go swimming!”

    Customer: “They don’t have any smoking rooms, and I gotta smoke. We have to go somewhere else.”

    Customer’s kids: “Can’t you just go outside and smoke?”

    Customer: “It’s snowing outside! Oh, you’d like it if I had to go out in the cold and snow just so you could go swimming, wouldn’t you?”

    Me: “I can call the motel next door for you and see if they have any smoking rooms available.”

    Customer’s kids: “But they have an indoor pool here! We want to go in the pool!”

    Customer: “That’s all you do, isn’t it? All you do is think about yourself! I gotta smoke!”

    Stuck In A Lupe

    | Asheville, NC, USA |

    Me: “Hello this is [Hotel] how may I help?”

    Caller: “Do you have a housekeeper named Guadalupe?”

    Me: “No, I’m sorry, we don’t.”

    Caller: “Or Lupe?”

    Me: “No, sir.”

    Caller: “I spent the night with her a week ago and I’m trying to find her. We had a good time. Guadalupe?”

    Me: “Is it possible she goes by another name?”

    Caller: “No. Guadalupe.”

    Me: “There is no Guadalupe here.”

    Caller: “Okay.”

    (Two minutes later, the phone rings again.)

    Me: “Hello this is [Hotel] how may I help?”

    Caller: “What about Maria?”

    When Logic Comes Crumbling Down

    | Virginia, USA |

    (It’s 1 am in late August.)

    Me: “Hello, guest services.”

    Guest: “Yes, my air conditioner has stopped working. Can you send a maintenance man up here right now to fix it?”

    Me: “Sir, our maintenance guy will be here at 5 am. I can send him there as soon as he arrives. If the room is unbearable, I will gladly place you in a room with a working air conditioner.”

    Guest: “No, I don’t want to switch rooms. If you can’t come up here yourself to fix it now, I am going to jump in your pool!”

    Me: “Sir, the pool is closed for the night, but it will open at 7 am. Unfortunately, I am not sure how to fix your air conditioner. However, I will gladly put you in another room.”

    Guest: “Listen here, either you fix the machine right now or you let me get in the pool! Or… let me have some cookies.”

    Me: “Cookies, sir?”

    Guest: “Yes, cookies!”

    Me: “Sir, we have cookies down in the lobby 24/7. You are welcome to take all you want.”

    Guest: “Ok, I’ll be right there!”

    Contains Scenes Of A Fraudulent Nature

    | Baltimore, MD, USA |

    Guest: “Hi, I just accidentally ordered a movie, and I didn’t mean to. Take it off my bill.”

    Me: “Let me just look that up.”

    (I see that he’s had a movie voided off his bill every day he’s been here this week. I had my manager listen in.)

    Me: “Sir? You say this was a mistake?”

    Guest: “Yeah, I didn’t mean to order it.”

    Me: “It looks like you’ve asked that a movie be voided off your bill every day that you’ve been here this week. Is that correct?”

    Guest: “Yeah, it’s this stupid TV. It just starts the movies even if you don’t want them to start. It’s not my fault. I was just looking at the description.”

    (My boss goes over to our cable system, where we look at each movie order and the length of time they’ve watched each movie. Based on the price, we knew he was watching ‘adult’ films.)

    Me: “Sir, it looks like you’ve watched this movie for 20 minutes. Is there a reason you watched that much before calling us?”

    Guest: “I don’t need the damn movie anymore, okay? I don’t need it anymore!”

    Me: “Sir, that is too much information, and we will not be crediting any more movies off your bill.”

    Page 34/47First...3233343536...Last