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    On Completely Different Wavelengths

    | Chesapeake, VA, USA | Hotels & Lodging, Liars & Scammers

    (Note: the caller ID shows an out of town number.)

    Caller: “Uh, hi. My room radio doesn’t work anymore.”

    Me: “I’m sorry about that. What room are you in?”

    Caller: “Oh, no, I’m at home! I took the radio home and now the buttons on top don’t work. It’s just fuzz! No music!”

    Me: “Wait. So you stole a radio, took it home, and now you’re calling because the pre-assigned buttons don’t work?”

    Caller: “Can you fix it or not?!”

    How To Rock The Boat

    | Escanaba, MI, USA | Hotels & Lodging

    (I work at a hotel where some of the rooms overlook the lake. I get a customer checked in and give him a key to a room over looking the lake, but he comes back to the front desk after 5 minutes.)

    Customer: “This is unacceptable!”

    Me: “Is there a problem, sir?”

    Customer: “I went down there, and there is room 144, then 146, there is no 145!”

    Me: “Sir, it’s on the other side of the hotel. You have to go through the hallway.”

    Customer: “So I have to walk through someone else’s room?”

    Me: “No, this room is on the lake side of the hotel.”

    Customer: “The lake side? Well how do I get there? I don’t have a boat!”

    If At First You Don’t Succeed, Thai Again

    | Ontario, CA | Hotels & Lodging, Language & Words

    Guest: “Kamsamnida!”

    Me: “Excuse me sir?”

    Guest: “Did I not pronounce that right? Kamsamnida! It means ‘thank you’ doesn’t it?”

    Me: “Oh! I’m sorry, I’m Taiwanese, not Korean.”

    Guest: “Oh! I’m so sorry! Wow! Taiwanese eh? Is Thai food good? I’ve always wanted to try Thai food! Teach me how to say ‘Thank you’ in Thai?”

    Related:
    If At First You Don’t Succeed, Chai Again

    Cause And Defect

    | Indianapolis, IN, USA | Hotels & Lodging, Liars & Scammers

    Guest: “How much for one of your hotel rooms?”

    Me: *gives price*

    Guest: “How about if I only pay [another price]?”

    Me: “Sorry sir, I can’t do that. We’re almost sold out and I can’t reduce room rates when we’re almost sold out.”

    Guest: “Do you really think you’re going to sell this room anytime tonight?”

    Me: “Yes, I will. I’m the only hotel in the area with rooms left and other hotels are sending their overflow guests to me. I’ll sell this room in the next half hour.”

    Guest: “Oh come on!”

    Me: “Plus there’s a concert tonight and I’m getting a lot of concert go’ers coming in to get a room.”

    Guest: “But the concert is over! I just came from the concert myself!”

    Me: “And here you are!”

    Can’t Keep Up With The Joneses

    | Annapolis, MD, USA | Hotels & Lodging, Liars & Scammers

    Customer: “I want to look at my final bill.”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am. Your room number?”

    Customer: *already angry by the question* “331!”

    Me: *looking at the name on the room* “331. Ms. Jones?”

    Customer: “Yeah! What’s the charge?”

    Me: “It’s $434.67.”

    Customer: “What! That’s insane! What did you people do? It should only be a hundred dollars!”

    Me: “Your bill shows a number of movie charges and quite a few items from our market here. It is 331, right, Ms. Jones?”

    Customer: “That’s insane! What did you do?! I knew this was going to happen! I knew you were going to try and cheat us and we wouldn’t know it till we got home!  I read on the internet that hotels always do this! Print that bill up right now! I’m going to sue you with it!”

    Me: “I’m sorry about  the confusion, Ms. Jones. Here’s your bill.  Let me get my manager so we can look over this and figure out the problem.”

    (As my manager approaches, she grabs the bill out of my hand so hard she tears part of it.)

    Me: “Here you are, Ms. Jones. And here’s my manager.”

    Customer: *looking at bill* “This isn’t me!”

    Me: “You are not Ms. Jones, in 331?”

    Customer: “No! What is wrong with you?!” *turning to my manager* “Why do you let idiots work here?!”

    Manager: “Ma’am, what is your last name?”

    (The customer rattles off a long, hyphenated name that could not be further from Jones if she tried.)

    Manager: “Then I have to ask why, when my employee asked you if you were Ms. Jones, did you say yes?”

    Customer: “I don’t get paid to know who I am!”

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