When In Rome (Or China)

| China | Tourists/Travel

(I am on a small group tour of China. One of the other tourists has been grumpy and loudly complaining all week. At the moment, he’s complaining to the Chinese tour guide.)

Tourist: “There were no English channels on the TV. I ended up watching the basketball game, but because there wasn’t an English commentary I listened to my mp3 player to drown out the horrible sound of the Chinese commentary.”

Tour guide: *speechless*

Tourist: “And you really should tell them to get some English newspapers in their hotels if they want people to stay here!”

(At this point, I’m fed up with hearing him complain.)

Me: “You’re in China. Of course things are in their language. If you want to read the newspaper, get a Chinese to English dictionary.”

Tourist: “Why would I want to read Chinese?!”

You Must Be Smoking

| BC, Canada | Family & Kids, Hotels & Lodging, Top

(I work in a 100% non-smoking hotel. A lady and her son check in. Ten minutes later, she storms down, son in tow.)

Lady: “You said we had a non-smoking room! My room smells like smoke.”

Me: “I assure you, ma’am, that we are a 100% non-smoking hotel. However, it is possible that someone illegally smoked in your room. I would be happy to change you to a different room if you prefer.”

Lady: “No! We are already unpacked, and it is too much hassle. But my son has lung cancer and he gets very sick if he is anywhere near smoke. You need to discount our room.”

Me: “I’m sorry, I’m not going to discount your room for you. As I mentioned before, I would be happy to help you change rooms into something more satisfactory. We don’t want your son to get sick from the room smell.”

Lady: *shouting* “I want a free room! You’re going to kill my son!”

(At this point, my manager comes out and reiterates that we would be happy to move their room, but would not be discounting their stay. The lady leaves in a huff. The next day, I see her outside smoking; her son is sitting forlornly 3 feet away.)

The Art Of Switching Sides

| Massachusetts, USA | Food & Drink, Health & Body

(I work at a hotel that serves free breakfast to its guests. I’m setting it up when this encounter happens.)

Guest: “I just heard you cough back there!”

Me: “Yeah, it’s just a small cough. I’m just getting over a cold.”

Guest: “I’m going to report you to the board of health!”

Me: “For coughing?”

Guest: “Yes, for coughing! You’re serving food and I know you’re coughing all over it! I can see the germs crawling all over the food!”

Me: “I can assure you, ma’am, I’m not coughing on the food. I wouldn’t want to eat coughed on food so I wouldn’t serve it.”

Guest: “I know how you hotel people are! You want all the guests to get sick so they’ll leave and you can sit on your lazy asses all day!”

Me: “Ma’am, if no one showed up to the hotel I wouldn’t have a job. I assure you I didn’t cough on the food.”

(Suddenly, the guest changes her tone and attitude as if nothing had happened.)

Guest: “Well, if I were you, I would. Some people are so rude. They think they can just barge in and walk all over girls like you, making ridiculous accusations and get away with it. Bless your soul for being such a moral girl.”

Me: *speechless*

Guest: “You have a wonderful day! Thanks for setting breakfast up for us early risers.”

The Art Of Ignorance

| Canberra, Australia | Hotels & Lodging

(I’m working as concierge in a popular hotel in the city. At this time, there is a popular exhibition at the National Art Gallery featuring a number of Renaissance artists. I’ve just sold some tickets to a woman in her 40s.)

Guest: “Thank you for these. I just love the classics!”

Me: “Yes, the Renaissance exhibition is getting very popular.”

Guest: “Still, it’s not as exciting as that French artist…What’s his name? Oh, Machiavelli!”

Me: *confused* “Oh, you mean Monet?”

Guest: *angry* “No! I mean MACHIAVELLI! Jeez, why am I even explaining this to a concierge?! It isn’t like you guys even understand what art is!” *walks off haughtily*

Misery Demands Company, Part 3

| Santa Rosa, NM, USA | Hotels & Lodging

(A guest approaches the check-in window at 5:30 a.m.)

Me: “Good morning! How are you?”

Guest: “My wife wants to use the bathroom. She’s in there now.”

Me: “Oh, alright, no problem! If there’s anything I can help you with, let me know.”

Guest: “Are you happy?”

Me: “Yes I am, sir! I’m always happy.”

Guest: “Well, you shouldn’t be! It’s too early! Stop smiling! Now!”

Related:
Misery Demands Company, Part 2
Misery Demands Company

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