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    I Left My Job In San Fresno

    | Fresno, CA, USA | Tourists/Travel, Uncategorized

    Me: “Thank you for calling [hotel]. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “Hi, I have a reservation under [name]. I’m at the airport and need a shuttle to pick me up.”

    Me: “Sure thing, sir. I’ll send it right out! Just wait by the taxi island outside of baggage claim.”

    (About 15 minutes later, the driver calls me saying he can’t see anyone. At the same time the customer calls back.)

    Customer: “Hi, I was wondering if the shuttle was on its way.”

    Me: “The driver is out there now, sir, and has circled around but says he can’t see anyone. Are you by baggage claim at the taxi island?”

    Customer: “Yeah, I’m by the cabs on the second level.”

    Me: “Wait, second level? Sir, what airport are you at now?”

    Customer: “At San Francisco airport, of course.”

    Me: “Sir, I’m not sure how to tell you this, but you’re in San Francisco.”

    Customer: “Yeah, I just said that!”

    Me: “This hotel is in Fresno.”

    Customer: “Yeah, Fresno is like a suburb, right?”

    Me: “We’re about two hours away in central California.”

    Customer: “Oh my God, it’s midnight and I have an interview at 7am in Fresno. I’m screwed!”

    (I directed the customer to information. Thankfully, he was able to find one last rental car place open, and made it just in time to change for his interview.)

    Warning: IQ May Be Inversely Proportional To Wavelength

    | Milan, Italy | Uncategorized

    Guest: “Do you have a macrowave?”

    Me: “You mean a microwave? It’s at the–”

    Guest: “I don’t like your microwave. I need a macrowave.”

    Me: “There’s no such thing as a macrowave.”

    Guest: “Well, your microwave isn’t heating my food fast enough. I want a macrowave instead!”

    Me: “Sorry, but it’s a standard microwave. Perhaps you can check if you have it on a low setting?”

    Guest: “What?”

    Me: “There’s should a dial going from from low to high under the timer dial.”

    Guest: “It’s on low.”

    Me: “Change it to high.”

    Guest: “So, it’s macrowaves now?”

    Me: “No, but your food will now heat faster.”

    Guest: “Are you sure?”

    Me: “Yes. Ring us again if there’s a problem.”

    A Day Of Ups And Downs

    | Freeport, ME, USA | Uncategorized

    Guest: “Excuse me, where is the elevator?”

    Me: “Around the corner and to the right, ma’am.”

    (The guest walks towards the elevator, stops, and comes back to the front desk.)

    Guest: “Sorry, where is the elevator?”

    Me: “See where the carpet starts right over there? It’s right after that, ma’am.”

    (The guest walks towards the elevator again, stops, and returns to the desk.)

    Guest: “Is it in the same place on every floor?”

    There Is No App For That

    | Canterbury, England, UK | Uncategorized

    Me: “Thank you for calling reception. How may I help?”

    Guest: *in heavily accented English* “The phone is not working!”

    Me: “I beg your pardon, sir, but the phone does seem to be working as you are calling me on it.”

    Guest: “No! The phone is not working!”

    Me: “The phone is definitely working sir. If you would like an outside line, dial 9.”

    (I hear button being pressed.)

    Me: “No, not when you’re on the phone to me. You need to hang up and then press 9.”

    Guest: “Wait, I’ll get my wife.”

    (There’s a brief pause. His wife gets on the phone.)

    Wife: “The phone is not working!”

    Me: “The phone is working, madam. You need to hang up, then pick up again and press 9.”

    Wife: “But the phone is not working!”

    Me: “Did you try the international dialling code?”

    Wife: “No! The phone is not working–and my hair is wet!”

    Me: “I’m sorry?”

    Wife: “The hair-phone! The hair-phone is not working!”

    Me: “Do you mean hairdryer?”

    Wife: “Yes! The hairdryer is not working!”

    Me: “Okay. I’ll send someone up.”

    Safe In Mind

    | Fort Myers, FL, USA | Uncategorized

    (All of our hotel rooms have safes. Each safe has a set of instructions on how to input your own 4-digit code.)

    Me: “Front desk, how may I help you?”

    Guest: “What’s my code?”

    Me: “I’m sorry? Your code?”

    Guest: “Yes, my 4-digit secret code?”

    Me: “You make it up yourself. We aren’t allowed to know it.”

    Guest: “I make it up myself? How am I supposed to know what code to use?”

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