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  • Always Time For A Rhyme
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  • Safe To Say It’s Nacho Brightest Moment

    | Pennsylvania. USA | Top

    Me: “Good evening, guest services. This is ***, how my I assist you?”

    Guest: “This is absolutely ridiculous! You need to get someone up here right now! This God d*** microwave in my room isn’t working! You had better fix this immediately!”

    (Note: our hotel does not have microwaves in guest rooms unless the person is a VIP or if they request one in advance.)

    Me: “I am so sorry, Mr. ***. I can certainly have someone come take a look at it right away. If I may ask, did housekeeping bring this microwave to your room?”

    Guest: “No! It’s the microwave that is in the room! My nachos have been in this d*** thing for over 20 minutes and they’re not even hot yet!”

    Me: “I see, sir. Can you tell me where it’s located in your room?”

    Guest: “It’s the one that’s right under the television! I want my nachos and you better figure this out now!”

    Me: “Sir, is this microwave an off-white color with a keypad on the right of it?”

    Guest: “Yes!”

    Me: “There’s not a little window like a normal microwave would have, is there? It’s just a little digital display screen, right?”

    Guest: “That’s exactly it. It only displays how long I set the time for! I want my nachos 20 minutes ago. Can you get someone up here immediately?! This is absurd!”

    Me: “Again, sir, I apologize that your nachos are not hot. However, I believe I’ve figured out what the problem is. The device you’re placing your nachos in is actually your safe.”

    Guest: “Oh…oh my God. I’m so f***ing stupid!”

    (He actually called back down later and apologized.)

    Poppies And Muffins And Flies, Oh My

    | CA, USA |

    Customer: “Excuse me, it looks like flies have laid eggs in your muffins.”

    Me: “Actually, ma’am, those are poppy seeds.”

    Customer: “No they’re not, they can’t be. Poppies are from ‘The Wizard of Oz.’ They’re not real.”

    Me: “Actually, ma’am, they’re quite real.”

    Customer: “Oh.” *turns to her approximately 8 year-old
    son*
    “Don’t eat those! They’ll make you fall asleep!”

    The Following Stupidity Takes Place In Real Time

    | Boulder, CO, USA |

    (A very intoxicated guest walks in at night.)

    Me: “Good evening, how can I help you?”

    Guest: “I lost the key to my room.”

    Me: “Do you have your photo ID?”

    Guest: “No, I lost it. My room number is 4321.”

    (Our highest room number is 558.)

    Me: “What is the name on the room?”

    Guest: “Jack. Jack Bauer.”

    Me: “We don’t have a Mr. Bauer staying with us tonight.”

    Guest: “That’s ridiculous! Jack Bauer fights terrorism everywhere! All the time!”

    Walking Tall, Thinking Small

    | South Portland, ME, USA |

    Me: “Thank you for calling [hotel], how can I help you?”

    Guest: “I’m wondering if you have any vacancies tonight?

    Me: “Sure!”

    (I tell her the availability and prices.)

    Guest: “Well, I have a walk-in coupon for a lower price. Can I use that?”

    Me: “Sure, but I wont be able to make a reservation for that price because it is for a walk-in only.”

    Guest: “Okay, I’ll need to take your airport shuttle though. Can I still use the walk-in rate?”

    Me: “I’m not sure I understand.”

    Guest: “I’m taking a shuttle. I wont be walking in!”

    Related:
    Walking Tall, Thinking Small

    Inn-Experienced Guest, Part 2

    | Saint John, NB, Canada |

    Guest: “So, is this hotel open 24 hours?”

    Me: “Yes, it is.”

    Guest: “Really?”

    Me: “Yes, otherwise we would have to kick everyone out at 11 pm so we could go home.”

    Related:
    Inn-Experienced Guest

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